I think I just ended things
This happened earlier today, but I've been trying to gather my thoughts about it, and I'm still feeling a little fried.
My s/o and I, due to his ridiculous schedule, never really had time to chat. That never bothered me; I was in a similar situation with a previous boyfriend due to school, so not talking frequently is actually really no big deal. It started to become a big deal when we would talk for about 5 minutes every week and a half or so, and we'd only talk about him. Him and his job prospects. No flirting, no talking about me or my day (the only time I got to talk about me was when I had to go to the ER), no mindless banter. Nothing. Furthermore, I had to be the one to reach out to him. I tried to brush it off since I knew things were getting out of hand at work, and he is trying really hard to find another job. I was also hoping to hold out until I go to London in September, thinking maybe things would get a bit better once he's seen my face and it registers that yes hello I'm a real person.
But that was another issue. He went from being really excited about London, to being like "if I get this job, I might not be able to go", to today where he was like, "I'm not going if I get this job." He's known about this for months, so I got a little upset he refused to even consider coming down for a weekend. That led me to finally ask him what was going on, and how he was feeling in regards to "us". I already kinda knew the answer, and I feel like I've known this was happening for a while now, but I was hopeful regardless.
He basically told me he wasn't feeling anything, and hasn't for a while. He's too caught up in trying to further his career, and a bunch of other lazy excuses. I tried to talk to him about it, but he got very defensive and very mean, which really hurt. I've been nothing but patient and supportive of him, I've always told him if I felt like something was wrong, and I never got mad at him. I always gave him a chance to explain things, and I was always there to listen when work was giving him problems. But today, when I told him he should have told me he was feeling this way back when, you know, he first started feeling this way, he started putting words and assumptions in my mouth. Suddenly, I was being unfair (I wasn't), he was "sorry" that he didn't feel or act how I wanted him to (I don't know what the hell that was supposed to mean), that I asked for his honest opinion so I shouldn't be mad (I wasn't), I was demanding we talk all day and all night like we used to (I wasn't), I don't want the same things in life that he does (a job?), etc. It came out of nowhere and hit me hard. I told him he was being an ass and that it wasn't fair, because I didn't do anything wrong, and he finally admitted he was entirely in the wrong and agreed I hadn't done anything wrong. That was the closest thing to an apology I got, and I'm still not too thrilled with it.
He tried to tell me that his feelings change from time to time, and that maybe his feelings will be positive once I come across and we (maybe) meet. But I don't feel like that's fair. I don't know if he was asking me to stick around and wait to find out, but I'm not going to. He told me we were in limbo, waiting on something that may or may not actually happen. There's no foundation on which to build a relationship when the person of your fancy is trying to do everything on their terms, depending on how they feel. I can't make him want something he isn't really feeling, and I can't make him work for something he doesn't want. If he wanted us to be a real thing, he would find a way to make us happen. We wouldn't have been in limbo. at
I'm feeling very confused and very played. Whether he meant to or not, I feel like he played with my emotions and used my patience for his own personal gain.
I love him dearly, but I deserve to be treated better. I don't know what to think or what to do. The conversation ended on a weird note.
TL;DR
My s/o was being distant. I asked what was wrong, and he turned into a huge asshole. I think I broke up with him, but the conversation left me fried and confused.
My s/o and I, due to his ridiculous schedule, never really had time to chat. That never bothered me; I was in a similar situation with a previous boyfriend due to school, so not talking frequently is actually really no big deal. It started to become a big deal when we would talk for about 5 minutes every week and a half or so, and we'd only talk about him. Him and his job prospects. No flirting, no talking about me or my day (the only time I got to talk about me was when I had to go to the ER), no mindless banter. Nothing. Furthermore, I had to be the one to reach out to him. I tried to brush it off since I knew things were getting out of hand at work, and he is trying really hard to find another job. I was also hoping to hold out until I go to London in September, thinking maybe things would get a bit better once he's seen my face and it registers that yes hello I'm a real person.
But that was another issue. He went from being really excited about London, to being like "if I get this job, I might not be able to go", to today where he was like, "I'm not going if I get this job." He's known about this for months, so I got a little upset he refused to even consider coming down for a weekend. That led me to finally ask him what was going on, and how he was feeling in regards to "us". I already kinda knew the answer, and I feel like I've known this was happening for a while now, but I was hopeful regardless.
He basically told me he wasn't feeling anything, and hasn't for a while. He's too caught up in trying to further his career, and a bunch of other lazy excuses. I tried to talk to him about it, but he got very defensive and very mean, which really hurt. I've been nothing but patient and supportive of him, I've always told him if I felt like something was wrong, and I never got mad at him. I always gave him a chance to explain things, and I was always there to listen when work was giving him problems. But today, when I told him he should have told me he was feeling this way back when, you know, he first started feeling this way, he started putting words and assumptions in my mouth. Suddenly, I was being unfair (I wasn't), he was "sorry" that he didn't feel or act how I wanted him to (I don't know what the hell that was supposed to mean), that I asked for his honest opinion so I shouldn't be mad (I wasn't), I was demanding we talk all day and all night like we used to (I wasn't), I don't want the same things in life that he does (a job?), etc. It came out of nowhere and hit me hard. I told him he was being an ass and that it wasn't fair, because I didn't do anything wrong, and he finally admitted he was entirely in the wrong and agreed I hadn't done anything wrong. That was the closest thing to an apology I got, and I'm still not too thrilled with it.
He tried to tell me that his feelings change from time to time, and that maybe his feelings will be positive once I come across and we (maybe) meet. But I don't feel like that's fair. I don't know if he was asking me to stick around and wait to find out, but I'm not going to. He told me we were in limbo, waiting on something that may or may not actually happen. There's no foundation on which to build a relationship when the person of your fancy is trying to do everything on their terms, depending on how they feel. I can't make him want something he isn't really feeling, and I can't make him work for something he doesn't want. If he wanted us to be a real thing, he would find a way to make us happen. We wouldn't have been in limbo. at
I'm feeling very confused and very played. Whether he meant to or not, I feel like he played with my emotions and used my patience for his own personal gain.
I love him dearly, but I deserve to be treated better. I don't know what to think or what to do. The conversation ended on a weird note.
TL;DR
My s/o was being distant. I asked what was wrong, and he turned into a huge asshole. I think I broke up with him, but the conversation left me fried and confused.
I don't blame you though, I wouldn't stick around for him. you need to do what makes you happy and it isn't fair of you to be putting in the most effort in the relationship. If he wanted to make it work, he would try harder. Give yourself some time 
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