How often do you communicate?

[Polly]

My boyfriend and I were together dating in the same city for 7 months when he was offered a very lucrative job in the States. Because we both love each other and wanted to continue our relationship we decided to do long distance until his work visa ends (3 years). I've tried applying for jobs in the States so we can be together but it's been really difficult and I've had no success.

Anyways, to cut to it, my boyfriend has a really demanding job and works late almost all the time so we don't get to talk until the weekend. During the week we send each other a few texts a day but nothing in depth. He's usually too busy to keep the texts going for too long.

Do you think talking once a week is not enough communication? When we do talk and hang out together online it's for several hours even if it's just once a week. Sometimes I feel like I need more, and sometimes I feel his work is more a priority. He does let me know he's thinking of me by sending me a text but it's not the same as hearing his voice or seeing him on video chat.

Thanks for any thoughts or advice on this. I just have anxiety sometimes when I don't get to talk to him as often as I would like.

[Unconditional]

Hmm, I may be a little biased on this having gone a while now with no communication. However once a week is fine with me. It sort of depends on what you're comfortable with, if you'd like a little more communication, ask him if he could spare a few minutes or so. It's not hard to send a text.

[squeeker]

I think once a week can be okay, but more is better if you can swing it. Maybe a longer chat once a week but maybe send a few texts here and there or save and send pictures of things you do through the week, just try and stay connected with each other's lives. If you can chat more, it's better, but I'm sure it's possible to go with just one major conversation a week.

Though I'm not the best to advise because I have almost always been able to talk to my boyfriend every day, some days more than others and not as much now as when we didn't have university and work stuff but now we are prepping towards our future.

If you can only talk once a week, my advice would be to maybe write things down to share or send each other while apart... or write emails so you can read them when you have time even if down time from work doesn't coincide with your free time. Just find what works for you. Try not to let it go much more than a week apart, but as long as you have your goals and stay in touch.. and stay committed.. and talk through any difficulties.. and everything I'm sure you can make it through.. stay strong <3

[sarahjane1992]

First off, welcome to the forum! You'll find lots of support and advice here.

As for communication, my SO and I talk pretty much from the time we wake up until we go to bed. Depending on our schedules we talk on FaceTime several times during the day. As our relationship has progressed there are times when we don't talk because we're busy with other things.

My SO and I don't have a huge time difference to deal with. That plays a factor in communication. Also a lot depends on the individual relationship. My SO and I had never done long distance before so we had to figure it out. But we did and we've been together for over a year now. Talk with your SO and figure out something that works for you both. Good luck!

[Fretboard_Magic]

We try to talk every day, and/or night. It's become more challenging now that our time difference is ten hours instead of six, but we try to be creative. I'm talking to her now via Skype IM'ing, for instance.

[Mims27]

My SO and I talk throughtout the day, everyday. Not as much when she's at work but we spend evenings together, until she goes to bed. I cannot imagine talking to her only on the weekends. It's just too much to catch up on and I just wouldn't feel very connected to her. But that's me. I know other people on this site do it and it works. I guess it just really depends on if you think you can make it work like that or not.

[standingoutsidethefire]

I can sympathize,my SO and I usually Skype every other week as there's only one day in the week that we both have off from work. And as much as I would love to Skype every week, I realize he needs to have his day off to himself sometimes. For me, it's not enough. I would like more communication through Skype or Viber, but I don't think it's possible for us. So I make due with text messages, we text daily on and off throughout the workday. Have you suggested e-mails instead? Tell him you want him to share more about his days, and just life in general. Even if that means getting a lengthy e-mail once or twice a week.

[Hollandia]

There was a time when my SO was working and in school from 7am till 1030pm and he still found a half hour a day to Skype. There was a few days that went by when he would just send an email to say he was exhausted or had plans and would talk to me the next day, which was fine. On the weekends we spent most of our days together when he was not with his family or friends or working around the house.

For us this is what worked. I could have never been okay with once a week. We both made time with the 6 hour time difference to keep in contact. Whether it was mega early for me or mega late for him, it is just something that we both wanted and needed. If you want more, then I would talk to him about it. I know it might just be me, but I feel squeezing in 15-30 min a day for someone is doable no matter how demanding your job and life is. I have to wonder, do his friends there talk to him more than once a week or is he just alone at work 80 percent of his time? Also a smartphone works wonders if he does not have one. You can yahoo chat for free internationally and neither of you has to sit at home hoping to skype to talk, yahoo chats off of 4G.

[kittyxuchiha11]

My SO and I usually talk through the week by leaving messages for each other on facebook and like you, we don't really get to talk properly until the weekend. we usual get to talk on the phone once every two weeks because of our time difference by the time she's free it's about 3-4am for me and since i still live with my mum i don't like to talk late in case i wake her up we only ever talk when my mum goes to stay at her boyfriends house. I'd say only getting to properly talk once a week is hard and you probably could do with talking more but it is enough for your relationship to get by. i mean as long as you don't go days without even dropping a text to each other then you should be fine. texting is still keeping in contact and although it doesn't feel like you're properly talking to him it still makes the difference between communicating and not hearing anything from each other.
Basically what i'm trying to say is a lot of people are in a very similar situation to you and i hope it all works out for you and your partner :3

[80anthea]

We only have one long chat a week just because of clashing work/sleep schedules and time difference. We try and squeeze in very quick chats during the week and probably send around 20 viber messages back and forth each day. It works for us as we've got into the routine but it is hard only having one decent chance a week to talk.

[snow]

It doesn't really matter how often any of us communicate with our SOs, when the question really is, if you are happy with how much you get. I talk to my man every day, 6-10 hours a day - now does that make you feel any better? Probably not. We are very fortunate with our schedules and rarely a day passes that we don't talk to each other, but if I had to go for a week without talking, because it just couldn't be any other way, I would have to cope with it.

If you need more, see if you can schedule dates. It sounds weird, but it works. We always schedule Skype dates, because skyping isn't as easy for me because I am sharing my room with my twin and I have to take her feelings and schedule into consideration as well.

[Polly]

Thanks everyone for the feedback.

My boyfriend is busy at work till usually around 9 or 10 pm my time, but our time difference is only 1 hr. I know it's not impossible for him to make some time in the evenings to talk, but I feel like he probably needs some downtime for himself sometimes which is why we never get around to our online date till the weekend. That said, some days I'm OK with that and some days I feel more lonely than usual.

What does help are the affectionate texts he sends me and he shows me he cares in other ways.

I guess I'm just paranoid that because we don't talk as much as most LD couples that means we're going to grow apart or something. It's my first LD relationship so I find myself comparing us to others in the same situation.

I usually let him know if I need a short chat in the middle of the week and he's good about that, but I'm the one usually initiating it. He's so busy working time just flies by for him while for me it goes by slower. He's also on-call a lot too!

[Unconditional]

Thanks everyone for the feedback.
I guess I'm just paranoid that because we don't talk as much as most LD couples that means we're going to grow apart or something. It's my first LD relationship so I find myself comparing us to others in the same situation.

No-one is in the same exact position. Yes, we all have things in common, but every relationship is different. It won't help to compare relationships with others.
That being said, he loves you, and while communication is important. He is trying to be there when you need him, so try to relax and bring down the paranoia. It's when he stops trying that the paranoia has reason to be there.
Your relationship sounds good too me! =)
Best wishes~*

[Polly]

You're right, telling the difference between when to be concerned and when to not is important. Feel so much better now

[Unconditional]

You're right, telling the difference between when to be concerned and when to not is important. Feel so much better now

Yep, I'm always up for a good talk if you need to too.