Little bit of backstory:
We met on a game via a mutual friend. I was in a bad relationship with the friend prior. My ex, lets just call her Amy. Amy became my friend, and helped me get through the breakup with the mutual friend. Amy said she helped me because she wanted me for herself after seeing a picture of me. We spent the next 8 months talking and texting everyday for hours. We became very close friends spending as much time together as possible. Apparently I didn't get the hint, but she wanted something more all a long. Amy was going to go on a date with this guy from her school but instead chose to stay home and play minecraft with me. I eventually decided to ask Amy to make our relationship something more, she said she was relieved because if I didn't ask her out soon she would of asked me.
Break up:
Fast foward a 1 year and 4 months. We are both 20 years old. Around 8 weeks ago she comes on skype and tells me we need to talk about something. She tells me that she has been hiding a secret from me. She tells me that she is gay. However, she mentions that she really hated herself for being like that because she knew I was right for her. She said she needed my help because I was her best friend. I told her to think about it over the week and we will break up if that's what she decided at the end of the week. A week prior to this I noticed she stopped calling me pet names like hun or babe, which has happened before during her exam week. She was studying exams so I chalked it up to her being stressed again but I can see now she was probably doubting the relationship. Anyways, after two days, we talked a bit, I asked some questions. She decides we should end our break and continue our relationship. She explains to me that she is bi because she loves me. But, she also explained that she is far from her emotions since she was abused as a child. She explains that she lost out a lot on her childhood because of that. She said she was lonely and lost. She said those feelings of being lost are coming back and she is becoming an emotional train wreck. She mentions that she is broken and doesn't want me to see her like that. I tell her she can tell me anything and it will be okay. She tells me that I must think shes a liar and deceiver who doesn't know what they want. I told her no not to hurt her feelings. She mentioned that she was scared we wouldn't have feelings for each other in real life. I asked her why wouldn't we and she disregarded my question. She never dated anyone before me, besides some guy when she was like 12. But all they did was talk on IM.
Amy is one that hides their feelings. Doesn't cry, get angry or anything. As much as I offered to help she never would open up she just always said everything is okay. After our 2 day break , we continued on our relationship for 2 weeks. She still didn't call me pet names, and seemed very distant. I asked her if the only reason she stayed with me was because I kept talking to her. She replied with pretty much. I asked her if she was happy with me, she said she was happy but she is unsure. During these 2 weeks, her grandmother becomes hospitalized and she went to go see her almost every day. We still spent hours together talking while she studied. We spent the weekend together still and talked on skype. Everything seemed okay besides the pet names.
After 2 weeks, on saturday, she wakes up and tells me that she doesn't feel the love for me anymore and says she has to go to her grandparents. She leaves me instantly. I message her via our couples app asking her what this is all about and to explain. Amy is very vague in her answers only saying she doesn't feel love for me in her heart anymore. I was extremely upset with her, so I mention that now I do think she is a liar and deceiver. She immediately said thanks for calling me that then signed out. That week she was battling exams and her grandma's illness. We didn't talk for 5 days, I sent her a few messages asking if she'd answer what is going on. After 5 days she said that she would answer my questions. First she tells me that she loves me as a best friend, but not romantically anymore. Then after some talking she transitions it into; she needed this time apart to be independent. She said that didn't have anything to do with the break up at all, she said she didn't want me to be trapped in a loveless relationship anymore. She then proceeded to say she didn't like me anymore and states that the loss of feelings was gradual but doesn't know when it started. She said she doesn't want to be with anyone but doesn't want to be with me.
Then she says she lost the feelings because "perhaps" she has grown. She ended up signing out of FB saying she'll speak to me another time after I stop blaming her for all our issues. At the same time I was talking to one of her close friends who knows about me. He mentions that she hasn't been acting differently at school and that she wasn't with anyone. He told me all this because I asked if she had been okay. I told him some of the stuff that happened a long with mentioning that she may be gay. Fast foward another two days, I asked the guy friend to see how Amy has been doing. Apparently he told her everything. Amy got pissed at me saying how I shouldn't have told anyone anything and that I exposed her sexuality. She said that she cared, but after what I did she doesn't give a F___ anymore. She mentioned that I hurt her so much by doing so. She ended that conversation by basically telling me she doesn't like me at all, doesn't want me, that I should leave her alone and that we are over. She tells me to move on, find someone else and give up. She said she won't give me any answers and that she has been acting different because she doesn't like me. She preceeded to immediately block me from FB, skype, and withdrew from our couples app. She blocked me on steam which was our main platform of talking and left me on Google +.
Aftermath:
We havn't talked for 4 weeks now since the blow out. I sent an apology after a week stating I was sincerely sorry for what I've done and I'm not expecting forgiveness or anything. Our relationship was going along fine until her finals week came. She graduated from college shortly after our breakup. Everything we've worked so hard for crumbled down to nothing within matter of weeks.
I'm very confused right now and very sad. Our relationship was pretty amazing, we would spend crazy amounts of time with each other. Not a day went by where we didn't talk. The only problem we had was her parents didn't know about me, and if she got caught with a guy they'd likely kick her out of the house. We were planning on meeting this month, but it looks like that won't be happening. I need advice on how to move past this, or how to make sense of all what is happening. I've just come back from vacation, and all the feelings of sadness are starting to consume me again just as I thought they were over. Everything seems very lonely and empty now. I spend most of my days out and about, but when it comes time to relax and sleep. Thoughts of her destroy me, no matter what I try to avoid them. I still have dreams of her. I know I need to move on, but it feels like this a terrible nightmare... It hurts me even more to think that she doesn't care at all. It's like a switch flipped and now she is totally different. How could she just throw everything away so easily without feeling any pain? Any input will be greatly appreciated.
We met on a game via a mutual friend. I was in a bad relationship with the friend prior. My ex, lets just call her Amy. Amy became my friend, and helped me get through the breakup with the mutual friend. Amy said she helped me because she wanted me for herself after seeing a picture of me. We spent the next 8 months talking and texting everyday for hours. We became very close friends spending as much time together as possible. Apparently I didn't get the hint, but she wanted something more all a long. Amy was going to go on a date with this guy from her school but instead chose to stay home and play minecraft with me. I eventually decided to ask Amy to make our relationship something more, she said she was relieved because if I didn't ask her out soon she would of asked me.
Break up:
Fast foward a 1 year and 4 months. We are both 20 years old. Around 8 weeks ago she comes on skype and tells me we need to talk about something. She tells me that she has been hiding a secret from me. She tells me that she is gay. However, she mentions that she really hated herself for being like that because she knew I was right for her. She said she needed my help because I was her best friend. I told her to think about it over the week and we will break up if that's what she decided at the end of the week. A week prior to this I noticed she stopped calling me pet names like hun or babe, which has happened before during her exam week. She was studying exams so I chalked it up to her being stressed again but I can see now she was probably doubting the relationship. Anyways, after two days, we talked a bit, I asked some questions. She decides we should end our break and continue our relationship. She explains to me that she is bi because she loves me. But, she also explained that she is far from her emotions since she was abused as a child. She explains that she lost out a lot on her childhood because of that. She said she was lonely and lost. She said those feelings of being lost are coming back and she is becoming an emotional train wreck. She mentions that she is broken and doesn't want me to see her like that. I tell her she can tell me anything and it will be okay. She tells me that I must think shes a liar and deceiver who doesn't know what they want. I told her no not to hurt her feelings. She mentioned that she was scared we wouldn't have feelings for each other in real life. I asked her why wouldn't we and she disregarded my question. She never dated anyone before me, besides some guy when she was like 12. But all they did was talk on IM.
Amy is one that hides their feelings. Doesn't cry, get angry or anything. As much as I offered to help she never would open up she just always said everything is okay. After our 2 day break , we continued on our relationship for 2 weeks. She still didn't call me pet names, and seemed very distant. I asked her if the only reason she stayed with me was because I kept talking to her. She replied with pretty much. I asked her if she was happy with me, she said she was happy but she is unsure. During these 2 weeks, her grandmother becomes hospitalized and she went to go see her almost every day. We still spent hours together talking while she studied. We spent the weekend together still and talked on skype. Everything seemed okay besides the pet names.
After 2 weeks, on saturday, she wakes up and tells me that she doesn't feel the love for me anymore and says she has to go to her grandparents. She leaves me instantly. I message her via our couples app asking her what this is all about and to explain. Amy is very vague in her answers only saying she doesn't feel love for me in her heart anymore. I was extremely upset with her, so I mention that now I do think she is a liar and deceiver. She immediately said thanks for calling me that then signed out. That week she was battling exams and her grandma's illness. We didn't talk for 5 days, I sent her a few messages asking if she'd answer what is going on. After 5 days she said that she would answer my questions. First she tells me that she loves me as a best friend, but not romantically anymore. Then after some talking she transitions it into; she needed this time apart to be independent. She said that didn't have anything to do with the break up at all, she said she didn't want me to be trapped in a loveless relationship anymore. She then proceeded to say she didn't like me anymore and states that the loss of feelings was gradual but doesn't know when it started. She said she doesn't want to be with anyone but doesn't want to be with me.
Then she says she lost the feelings because "perhaps" she has grown. She ended up signing out of FB saying she'll speak to me another time after I stop blaming her for all our issues. At the same time I was talking to one of her close friends who knows about me. He mentions that she hasn't been acting differently at school and that she wasn't with anyone. He told me all this because I asked if she had been okay. I told him some of the stuff that happened a long with mentioning that she may be gay. Fast foward another two days, I asked the guy friend to see how Amy has been doing. Apparently he told her everything. Amy got pissed at me saying how I shouldn't have told anyone anything and that I exposed her sexuality. She said that she cared, but after what I did she doesn't give a F___ anymore. She mentioned that I hurt her so much by doing so. She ended that conversation by basically telling me she doesn't like me at all, doesn't want me, that I should leave her alone and that we are over. She tells me to move on, find someone else and give up. She said she won't give me any answers and that she has been acting different because she doesn't like me. She preceeded to immediately block me from FB, skype, and withdrew from our couples app. She blocked me on steam which was our main platform of talking and left me on Google +.
Aftermath:
We havn't talked for 4 weeks now since the blow out. I sent an apology after a week stating I was sincerely sorry for what I've done and I'm not expecting forgiveness or anything. Our relationship was going along fine until her finals week came. She graduated from college shortly after our breakup. Everything we've worked so hard for crumbled down to nothing within matter of weeks.
I'm very confused right now and very sad. Our relationship was pretty amazing, we would spend crazy amounts of time with each other. Not a day went by where we didn't talk. The only problem we had was her parents didn't know about me, and if she got caught with a guy they'd likely kick her out of the house. We were planning on meeting this month, but it looks like that won't be happening. I need advice on how to move past this, or how to make sense of all what is happening. I've just come back from vacation, and all the feelings of sadness are starting to consume me again just as I thought they were over. Everything seems very lonely and empty now. I spend most of my days out and about, but when it comes time to relax and sleep. Thoughts of her destroy me, no matter what I try to avoid them. I still have dreams of her. I know I need to move on, but it feels like this a terrible nightmare... It hurts me even more to think that she doesn't care at all. It's like a switch flipped and now she is totally different. How could she just throw everything away so easily without feeling any pain? Any input will be greatly appreciated.
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