Harsh truth?! Or why did he say that

[Alma]

We were talking last night and I asked him what he thinks our future will be like. First he said good times etc. but he also said something like "we will see how long we will last" Not really sure about the exact words he used because I was shocked.
Doesn't this actually mean he is not so sure about our future or that he is sure that this won't last? I mean like it's been just a little over a month since he asked me to be his gf...He also said that we are living in the here and now and that I don't have to be sad ( I almost cried).

Am I overreacting? I know somehow he is right, cause the distance between us is huge...but I think when you really love someone, you can overcome anything, right?

What do you think? Should I worry about what he said?

Thanks for your advice!

[Noodle]

Yeah, I think you may be over-reading into what he said. You have only been together a month. Anything can happen. He's definitely right about living in the now. Enjoy the present and don't stress too much into the future since the relationship is still relatively new.

If he had any doubts about being with you, he wouldn't have asked to be your girlfriend. Guys definitely think differently than girls. We dream about the future where they just tend to think about 'what's for lunch' kinda thing. So yeah, don't take it personally. Just enjoy each other ^^

[Moon]

Yep, you're overreacting. After such a short time, he doesn't see a future with you yet, that's completely normal and not something to get upset about. And no, just because you love someone, it definitely does not mean you can overcome anything.

[Unconditional]

I agree with the other posters.
Also, I was reading a psychology article that stated that men don't really see a future with someone until three months into the relationship-isn't that interesting?
I would not worry too much about his answers, he obviously cares or he wouldn't be talking with you. The distance may be a hard obstacle for him to see through.

[differentcountries]

Take his advice, live in the here and now. It doesn't mean he doesn't really like you. He dont think it is time to plan the future and he is right. Try to look for the ways in which he appreciate what you do have. Dont read things into his words that are not there. Can you try to look at it as he is telling you that quality time with you right now is important to him?

[Alma]

Thank you so much for your advice. Sometimes you see clearer when you hear others point of view.
I guess I am just looking way too far in the future. I need to calm down

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

I agree, don't worry about the future, especially so early in the relationship. Just stay in the NOW, be present for each other now, enjoy each other and your relationship as it is right now, and don't worry about the future.

Also, don't read too much into things he says, and don't second-guess him. Don't over-analyze him, or your relationship...that will just drive both of you crazy, and set you up for insecurity, disappointment, or other unhappy feelings. I've learned that the hard way.

[standingoutsidethefire]

And no, just because you love someone, it definitely does not mean you can overcome anything.

I disagree with this. I think it's also pretty depressing and negative.

To OP, I agree with just living for the 'here and now', enjoy this moment and try not to think too far in advance until the relationship advances, and you two get to know each other better. Stay positive and take it day by day

[Moon]

I disagree with this. I think it's also pretty depressing and negative.

To OP, I agree with just living for the 'here and now', enjoy this moment and try not to think too far in advance until the relationship advances, and you two get to know each other better. Stay positive and take it day by day

I don't care if you think it's depressing and negative, because it's realistic. If you live through Disneyesque fairytales and romance novel garbage, you are going to be disappointed in life.

[Hollandia]

I learned a long time ago, don't ask questions you are not ready to hear the answers to. If he just asked you to be his GF last month, you really should not be pushing for the "future" anymore at this point. Relationships happen in steps and he just gave you a huge one, enjoy that and stop worrying about sometime in the next years to come. Your young, don't push, let it happen naturally. If nothing is changed a year from now, then bring it up.

If I had asked my SO "what our future was" a month after being BF/GF, he would have said exactly that same thing, as he should have. You really don't know what will happen 10 years down the road in the first few months of dating no matter what Hollywood and as Moon said, Fairytales tell you. For most of us, it takes much much much longer.

Don't get me wrong, you could be like my cousins and marry at 20 and live happily ever after ever since, or you could end up like I did, with two failed marriages and then figuring out taking your time is not such a bad thing after all sometimes.

He's being honest and there is nothing wrong with that, one could almost say you "put him on the spot" which is how you forced him into a somewhat uncomfortable situation by forcing him to have to tell you something you don't want to hear, but he wants to be honest with you. That's your choice but this is why you got this answer.

[Hollandia]

I disagree with this. I think it's also pretty depressing and negative.

To OP, I agree with just living for the 'here and now', enjoy this moment and try not to think too far in advance until the relationship advances, and you two get to know each other better. Stay positive and take it day by day

Until you have lived through every major life trauma like serious illness, poverty, death of loved ones, and many more, I don't think you can say that she is wrong.

At 26, I probably would have said the same thing. This was before being cheated on by someone I loved, before being abused by someone I loved, before severe depression after the loss of a parent, before losing almost every penny I every had due to a spouse choosing his family over ours, and finally a spouse's temper making life a living hell for a decade.....still think you can't love someone and it not be enough?

[Unconditional]

I disagree with this. I think it's also pretty depressing and negative.

I have to disagree with you on this. Life, while it does sometimes give you great ups, it can also give you great downs. It is far better to be realistic, especially with a brand spankin new relationship. I mean, it's only been a month! It doesn't exactly call him to profess his undying love at the moment. This is not Disney as moon has stated, this is life, and life always has a great way of throwing you curve balls that you just don't expect.
To the OP, don't get me wrong, I'm sure he loves you. He gave you an honest answer, and that should be respected. Perhaps in a few months, or a year his answer will be totally different, actually it very well could be. It might be the thing you wanted to hear when you first asked. Just give out time, don't sweat the small stuff. What will be, will be. You have no control over what will happen in life, be happy with what's in the here and now as others have said. Focus on what makes you happy now. Tomorrow is not always a given.

[differentcountries]

Well, love can perhaps not concer all, but love can do a lot. Me and my husband like to say we have been through everything exept kids and death now. We got together in the aftermath of my first serious relationship, I was mentally shaken up by that. When we got married I was very sick, later I lost my job because of the illness. We struggled a lot with money, for years we could not travel or even go on dates. And I was so fatiuged from sickness I was home all day without even managing to do housework. My husband decided he was transsexual, so far we have been through years of hormons, one surgery and two legal changes. I decided I was polyamorous, our love life was very strange until we got the hang of it. My husband decided he wanted to change careers and so he took a whole new education after 30. My family has been sick, his family doesn't like me. We had to take family therapy at some point. We have put each other through a lot. But we still love each other. We always say, lets check:are we alive and still in charge of our money? Well then we go from there. He always says, I would live with you even if we had to live at "the shit house"(outdoor toilet). Wheras my ex well, she was the romantic sort but she did not have this kind of stamina. What your parents say about love being hard work, well it is true. There will be lots of time for your first fight, and lots of humble moments when you are not at your finest or most clever. Just take time to enjoy the simple, happy things love can be, too. Because you will need those memories later on. In fact, they can help build the kind of future you long for.

[merlinkitty]

And no, just because you love someone, it definitely does not mean you can overcome anything.

Depressing or not, it's the damn truth. Exhibit A: my ex.

Being realistic is important. Taking things one step at a time is important. Being grounded is important for your own health and safety. You cannot make things work. I think that's one of the many things I appreciate about my SO, is how realistic he is. It keeps me from skipping through fields of flowers in a romance novel and focused on the fact that this is no fictional story we're creating. Which makes me appreciate it all that much more. All the struggles and arguments validate how real this relationship actually is.

Acknowledge your SO for what he is. A guy who's interested in you, but who's also willing to tell you the truth. I think the gift he gave you is more important than the answer you wanted to hear. While what Moon said might be a little depressing, she's offering the truth as well. I'd much rather someone tell me a harsh truth than a sweet lie.

[standingoutsidethefire]

Christ.

I'm pretty sure some of you just glaze over what a person writes. Of COURSE it's important to be realistic, and there's no point in getting too carried away, especially in a relationship that's just started. But a bit of optimism never hurt anyone, especially for those who are in long distance relationships.