Being ignored by her

[LadyDaemon]

I can't speak for her but for me personally it used to happen all of the time. Unfortunately I get easily frustrated and stressed over things no matter what it is. My mom tells me all the time that I'm gonna send myself to the grave early because of how much I stay frustrated,stressed, and all of the above all of the time. I mean, it's settled down now a bit since I moved out of my parents house and away from the situation and things that were causing me to feel that way all of the time. But, I still have my moments like I did recently where I've backed away from people due to something that happened with my now ex room mate and my now ex best friend. So like the last week or so I haven't really talked to anybody except my husband. He's the only one I've been able to really stand to be around or talk to. It really depends on what is going on and how much is going on at one time for me.

[Turtl]

That sounds a lot like her. She'd shut down for a week and, from what she told me, would barely talk to anyone. I'm really bad about trusting people and clingy so those both
don't help right now, not to mention that LDR can be frustrating. Some things happened in the past that make it harder for me to trust her but do you think it would be best to
forget about the past and start new? It's been over a year since we've been together but we had times where we would talk to each other. We both couldn't do it because we still
had feelings for each other and she wasn't ready for a LDR. Now she says that she only wants me and is ready to be committed, although this makes it seem like she isn't.

[LadyDaemon]

I'm sure my husband had moments like that where he wasn't so sure and thought maybe because of my habit of shutting down on him and others that we might not make it. However, obviously that is not the case as we are married now lol. He just puts up with it now and lets me do what I have to because he knows when I'm ready I'll talk. It would be a good idea to do the same for her within reason. But the other advice that I will give is that you have to realize that she is not everyone else who has ever hurt you in that manner or any manner as a matter of fact. You can't cling to her 24/7 and continue to distrust her. There's only so much of that one person can handle before they just can't deal and they leave. If there is anything in the past between the two of you, I think you both need to 'bury the hatchet' so to speak. What's done is done and there's nothing more that can be done about it. You either both forgive each other and work on your issues individually and between you and let the past go or you won't make it. Forgive her for your sake. I'm not saying forget, because honestly you'll never forget but don't carry it around with you and let it make you distrusting,clingy and all the other things that can bring down your relationship. She needs to do the same if you've ever done anything to her. LDRs are hard on their own without the added stress of one or both of you walking around harboring any kind of resentment over old hurts or old grudges over things you did to each other in the previous times you were dating. You'll never get anywhere into your future like that. Both of you just need to let it all go. Then work on yourselves and your relationship. That's the best advice I can give. I hope it helps.

[Hollandia]

People are all different, some people want/need "X" amount of contact and others want/need "Y", I think you need to figure out if you can handle it if she really only wants "Y" to your "X" amount. She could try to pretend for awhile, but my belief is she will always revert back to wanting less than you. You really need to have a open honest conversation about this and not just for while LDR, at some point you most likely would want to close the distance and she still won't stop needing this space she seems to crave especially when stress happens in life, which by the way does not stop when you are CD. Perhaps the two of you can try to come up with a compromise that makes you both happy.

I will say that if I had EVER called my SO's brother because I had not heard from him for a few days, he would have broken things off and not looked back. I also would have been quite freaked out if he had contacted my relatives. There are lines and I think that is stepping over one, you don't bring friends or family into stuff like that unless necessary. Now, you have put them into a situation where they have knowledge that they really most likely did not want. Long and short, don't air your dirty laundry in your SO's back yard. It's a violation of a faith they gave you by giving you their family's contact info. You might think you can rationalize that you were concerned but from what you said, you are clingy and just wanted an answer. If you leave a message and don't get an answer for her, you have your response. All you are doing is making things worse by bringing other people into it.

You need to accept this lack of communication level from her or not, but leave her friends and family out of it.

[Turtl]

Well I looked back at my messages and the last one she saw was "I was expecting a little more than this but whatever... lol" in regards to her talking to me more when
she was at camp. Maybe that was the straw that broke the camels back but I thought that she would ignore me, not everyone. I've also decided not to message anyone
close to or related to her just because it's like an invasion of privacy and because of what everyone else has been saying. I think I'd only consider that if she's gone for a pretty
long period of time.

I'm sure that I want to be with her even if this does happen. It sucks but I see where she's coming from. The part that kills me is not knowing if she's alright. If we were physically
together then at least I would know other people around and actually see her as well.

Unfortunately now I have three days off from work so I'll need to find something to keep myself occupied

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

Maybe she took that the wrong way and has been taking time to think about things.

Hobbies help with that a lot.

Good luck

[silvermoonfairy3]

There are lines and I think that is stepping over one, you don't bring friends or family into stuff like that unless necessary. Now, you have put them into a situation where they have knowledge that they really most likely did not want. Long and short, don't air your dirty laundry in your SO's back yard. It's a violation of a faith they gave you by giving you their family's contact info. You might think you can rationalize that you were concerned but from what you said, you are clingy and just wanted an answer. If you leave a message and don't get an answer for her, you have your response. All you are doing is making things worse by bringing other people into it.

You need to accept this lack of communication level from her or not, but leave her friends and family out of it.

I disagree with this. I think it depends on the relationship, and the circumstances.
My SO and I communicate, somehow, daily. If we don't, it's almost always been established prior to the not-communicating day that we won't be in touch for some reason. If something comes up, it might put a crimp in the communication for a day or so, and we'd leave it alone. But if it were multiple days, we'd be well within our rights to contact family, and we've discussed as much. He has emails and phone numbers for 2 of my siblings and my mom, and I have emails and phone for his only brother and his parents.

If we could see from the other person's Twitter/facebook/etc. that they were still posting/alive we probably wouldn't do it since the primary reason to get in touch with family would be checking to make sure the person is physically okay, but it's still a matter of what the couple has set as boundaries and understandings.

[Turtl]

Well even if I did contact someone I don't think it would be welcomed. Her parents don't know about me and he sister doesn't know we're back together nor
does she care for me. I did ask her sister two weeks ago if she was alright but that's as far as I've gone. Some of her friends do know about me but I have none
of them on Facebook and I think it'd be weird if I messaged them out of the blue.

My fear is that she's hanging out with someone she shouldn't be (like an ex) but that could just be me freaking out a little bit, not trusting her, and thinking more
about the past.

She did post on Facebook today but has not read my nor my friends Kik messages and I'm starting to worry that something could be wrong. I'm also a worrywart
so that could be the problem, but still.

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

Ok its odd that she would post on Facebook but not read your messages on kik. Have you tried communicating with her on Facebook? Like a simple message to let her know you are concerned but not something that sounds possessive

[Turtl]

Yea, I have. It was just about killing a copperhead and she Liked the couple of replies and that's it :/

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

Well, you should decide how you feel about the lack of communication and when you get the chance to really talk to her, I suggest expressing your feelings. All of them. And talking about what the problem is and ways that it could be avoided in the future.

[Turtl]

Well it's been 9 days total. Five of them from when she was at camp. When is enough enough? And that's quite a long time to ignore someone, especially a SO...

All I'm able to think about is bad scenarios and it makes it worse >.<

[differentcountries]

Well it's been 9 days total. Five of them from when she was at camp. When is enough enough? And that's quite a long time to ignore someone, especially a SO...

All I'm able to think about is bad scenarios and it makes it worse >.<

Camp I can understand, from what you told she was working and there was probably long hours. Also, coming back she probably needed time to unwind. But it has been long. Why have you not simply called her?

[Hollandia]

Am I the only crazy one here that thinks at the end of a long hard day when I am tired and I want to unwind I really want to talk to my SO. I just don't understand how people can claim to love someone so much but need so much time away from them.

I am disagree that it is usually okay to contact SO's family member without express previous permission.

I think that if you really love someone and are totally into them, you make the time. If not, then it is a temporary person you are dating till you meet "the one" that you will make the time for.

[Turtl]

I feel like if she hasn't bothered to read/reply to my or another persons messages then it's pretty unlikely that she'll answer her phone, unfortunately.

And I also feel that way, but I can see it from the other side as well. I'm trying to reserve my thoughts for when she actually does come back and explains why she did it though. If that ever does happen...

Edit: I did call but it said she's not available and went to voice message :/