I feel like we're "behind"

[Sarah96]

This might sound a little strange and I'm probably just over thinking this and shouldn't worry but I feel like we're so behind compared to most couples. That's another thing, I shouldn't compare us to other couples and I usually don't but this is one thing I tend to accidentally start comparing. We've been together for over a year now and we still haven't met. It just seems like so many people meet either within the first year or shortly after they've been together a year. I've seen a few people that have been dating for under 6 months and have already seen each other several times and it makes me feel like we are behind and our relationship isn't moving along like it should be. I'm getting ready to go to college in the fall so I don't have any money to begin with and with my new job most of the money will be going towards college, and I won't have much, if any time to actually see him if either of us were suddenly to have enough money to travel.

Is it strange that we haven't met yet and it's been over a year? We really want to meet and we talk about it all the time, it's just money and time is hard to get right now. Does anyone have tips on how to really save money while still on a pretty tight budget? I'm guilty of always buying books since I love to read , and I know I'll have to cut down on that and I plan to since I won't have much time for extra reading in college. Are we really that behind? Is it weird or odd that we haven't met yet? It'll probably be at least another year until we meet, possibly earlier if we're lucky but we're both estimating at least another year. Is that too long to wait? When is a good time to meet?

Thanks in advance

[Sonny's Nurse.]

Hello Sarah I don't think its *Behind* at all I met Sonny Online in 2008 so we have now known each other 6 years and we haven't met yet. I'm in the UK he is in Florida. We have both said we would like to meet. It will happen One day. I did speak to him and said Id like to be out there for his birthday. But sadley now I cant afford it. So It looks like it may be next year sometime now. As soon as I get a new job I'm going to start saving to go and see him. So No I don't think your behind. Look on it that when you can start saving the money its a positive step to meet.ing.

[JaneEmily]

I wouldn't worry about feeling behind. Me and my SO didn't meet until our first anniversary. We never felt like we were far behind with it all. We just went at the pace that finances allowed us to with the whole meeting scenario. He's been over to me five times now, whilst I haven't been able to go to NL to see him yet (because of finances and personal reasons). I do feel like it's a bit unequal for him but he has always said he prefers coming here to me any way as he can have a break from his family and we can just be uninterrupted without people bugging us.

I wouldn't try to compare your relationship to others who have already met, you'll just feel very inadequate and unhappy with the pace of it going. Like you said, finances are difficult for you so it's perfectly normal for you to not have met yet. It's only too long for the people in the relationship if they feel they can't wait. Is there any possibility you can ask family (either you or your SO) for help financially (or if they can go with you to meet him, vice versa) if you feel like you can't wait that long to meet each other if it's going to be another year?

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

I agree that you shouldn't compare your relationship to others. And no, you aren't behind. I've been with my boyfriend for a bit over a year and we haven't met yet, but we pan to next year.

When it comes to saving money, I think it helps if you are inspired. That's why I drew on a jar different things dealing with my boyfriend. And on one side of it I had like those thermometers at fundraisers. So then I was always challenging myself to reach a certain goal. And in a little over a month I had $100. SO just try to make it fun and remember that every little bit counts. Even pennies add up over time!

[LadyDaemon]

I honestly wouldn't feel 'behind'. My husband and I didn't meet in person until roughly 2 1/2 years after we initially met and got together online. Actually, we got back together in August of the year we met in person and met in person in September of that year. I made a trip 1400 miles to see him and then paid for his trip to see me a few months after on only $65 every 2 weeks. The best way I can suggest doing is go Greyhound. It takes longer but it's definitely cheaper and their stops are everywhere. I did it on both of my trips and my husband did it on his trip to see me, and again, this is being 1400 miles apart. So, I suggest looking up how much tickets would be as far out as possible because the further out you get your tickets the cheaper they tend to be (excluding on holidays) and then consider cost of food & things you need. From there I suggest putting back about $50 - $60 out of all of your checks until you reach what you need. Also, sometimes buying 2 one way tickets are cheaper then buying round trip. So just another suggestion. I hope it happens for you soon!

*edit* I want to also add that if you only want to fly then look into traveling Southwest. But again try to follow the same guidelines. Book as far out as possible and see if buying 2 one ways wouldn't be cheaper then buying a roundtrip. If you need any tips or have any questions about flying into MCO (Orlando International (Main airport) here in FL) then feel free to send me a message. I live in FL about 20 - 30 min. from the airport and have flown into and out of there many times.

[JaneEmily]

I honestly wouldn't feel 'behind'. My husband and I didn't meet in person until roughly 2 1/2 years after we initially met and got together online. Actually, we got back together in August of the year we met in person and met in person in September of that year. I made a trip 1400 miles to see him and then paid for his trip to see me a few months after on only $65 every 2 weeks. The best way I can suggest doing is go Greyhound. It takes longer but it's definitely cheaper and their stops are everywhere. I did it on both of my trips and my husband did it on his trip to see me, and again, this is being 1400 miles apart. So, I suggest looking up how much tickets would be as far out as possible because the further out you get your tickets the cheaper they tend to be (excluding on holidays) and then consider cost of food & things you need. From there I suggest putting back about $50 - $60 out of all of your checks until you reach what you need. Also, sometimes buying 2 one way tickets are cheaper then buying round trip. So just another suggestion. I hope it happens for you soon!

Megabus US also have pretty cheap coach fares if I'm correct? I know in the UK, Megabus does really cheap deals as my SO has been able to come over to England from NL for around £25 each way (and that's over 500 miles each way too).

[LadyDaemon]

Megabus US also have pretty cheap coach fares if I'm correct? I know in the UK, Megabus does really cheap deals as my SO has been able to come over to England from NL for around £25 each way (and that's over 500 miles each way too).

Megabus unfortunately here in the US has very limited stops and routes. So that might be an option but I wouldn't count on it though to be honest lol.

[Sarah96]

Thank you all so much!! I definitely feel better now knowing that we're pretty "normal".... we both can wait to meet because we know we have to, it's just that we wish it could be sooner than it realistically is going to be. Going to try to start saving money right away and as much as I can that isn't needed for school. You're all the best!

[LittleBox]

Comparisons will drive you crazy. As long as you both discuss future plans and are in agreement about pacing yourselves, don't worry about how fast others are going and don't let it pressure you (: My boyfriend and I started dating in May last year, we still haven't met - I had in-hospital stays to deal with and now he's deployed until Novemberish. We're planning for December *fingers crossed* Have you thought about meeting at a half-way point?

[Sarah96]

Have you thought about meeting at a half-way point?

I thought about it before but I would feel much more comfortable if one of us went to the other since then both of us wouldn't be in an unfamiliar place. I think that would just make it awkward and uncomfortable if neither of us knows anything about where we were meeting lol. If I went to him, which I really want to do the first time (because I've always wanted to go to Florida lol), it would mean that he would be able to show me where he grew up and we could do stuff together there and we wouldn't have to worry about getting lost in a place we've never been lol

[LadyDaemon]

If you don't mind my asking, where is your boyfriend in FL? I hope that's not to personal. If it is feel free to either virtually kick me in the shin or just ignore me lol.

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

Have you two talked about helping each other in order to make it possible? I know several couples that will save money together in order to make the visit possible.

Just a suggestion that might help make the visit possible

[Sarah96]

If you don't mind my asking, where is your boyfriend in FL? I hope that's not to personal. If it is feel free to either virtually kick me in the shin or just ignore me lol.

I would never kick you lol it's fine, he lives a little south of Clearwater

[Sarah96]

Have you two talked about helping each other in order to make it possible? I know several couples that will save money together in order to make the visit possible.

Just a suggestion that might help make the visit possible

We actually haven't had that conversation yet. It's probably a conversation we should have since that will make it easier. I can't believe I haven't thought about that! Gosh I was so worked up thinking about the whole idea of just meeting that I haven't really thought about all the smaller details!

[RachelAnne]

I don't think you should worry about being behind at all. Each couple moves at their own pace. If it's any consolation, my SO and I talked for 8 years before meeting in person, lol. As long as you are both happy with each other, just go with the flow. Stressing about it and comparing yourself to other couples it NOT going to make you any happier. Keep your chin up