Extremely confused

[alinlili1417]

I am in a LDR with someone that I have known since I was about 13. He finally opened up after over 18 years confessed his feelings to me about 4 months ago. So we decided to give Us a shot. I have always liked him and had feelings for him but he has also always been one of my best friends. Things have been amazing. I have never felt this strongly for anyone ever. And finding out how much we really do have in common is simply amazing. Its as if we have always been meant to be. He has told me that I was the one that got away and that he is so shocked and overjoyed that we are finally together. My whole world came crashing down recently. Because a couple of days ago I found out that he had cheated on me last month. He had been texting this girl and they hung out a couple times and they slept together twice. And now he is telling me he will do whatever it takes to prove to me that he is sorry and he will never let this happen again. Amd he will do whatever he can to prove to me that he loves me and wants to be with me and only me and he knows he was wrong and this was the worst mistake of his life.. And I want to believe him and I want to try to work things out but trust is gone now. Im so confused because I love him so much and I just cant believe he could do this to me. After all the things he has told me and all the dreams and goals we made together. Im so torn. Im not sure what I should do now. Do I take the chance and follow my heart or do I just wash my hands and walk away.

[whatruckus]

No one can tell you what to do, but in my opinion I don't know about him. This wasn't just once that he slept with her, he did it twice. If you meant that much to him, he wouldn't have done it the first time, and even worse, the second time. He was texting her behind your back and hanging out with her. Who knows if they really did only sleep together twice.

He could've walked away from her after the first time and admitted it to you then, if he did that, then I would say maybe you could give him a shot.

After 18 years of him supposedly having all these feelings for you, telling you that you are "the one", he goes and decides to cheat on you with another girl? That sounds like BS to me.

Also, this post should really be in the main Long Distance Relationships forum, and not in the Forum Info section. It'd be better viewed there.

[differentcountries]

He sounds a bit impulsive and unfocused. Can you live with a man like that? If you want to consider staying with him, be very concrete on what you need to build the trust. If he comes through on your wishes, then maybe give it a shot.

[Hollandia]

This might sound contrived but as a rule of thumb...

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

Second chances I might give, third I don't.

[rhabdoviridae]

The fact that it happened twice is what stops me from saying give him a chance to redeem himself. He wants to prove to you that he loves you, and that's all well and good, but what he needs to be focusing on is proving you can trust him. I'm not sure how that can happen when you're long distance - I've only had to rebuild trust in CD, and that was hard enough.

[Moon]

This might sound contrived but as a rule of thumb...

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

Second chances I might give, third I don't.

Yep, this. Once can be a mistake, twice isn't. For me, I'd never trust him again.

[lilspitfire]

GTFO. He is not going to change. He's scum. You deserve better.

[RachelAnne]

Have to say I agree with the others...he never should have cheated on you once, let alone twice? For me, my trust would be completely destroyed and there's no way I could go back into a relationship like that. Best of luck, and I'm sorry you're going through this

[digitalfever]

He sounds like an ass. Obviously you deserve better.

[snow]

GTFO. He is not going to change. He's scum. You deserve better.

I noticed this on other posts and I gotta say, even if he cheated on her, he does not deserve to be called "scum". There is no reason for this. Remember that this is her SO.

To the OP: This is truely about what you decide you can accept. If you think you can work through this and see if you can build up the trust, try to forgive, then go for it. I could not do it and I would be deeply hurt and would not only lose trust, but would lose respect for my partner if he slept with another person, but we are not all the same and if you have it in your heart and you think he deserves another chance, then do it. It is ultimately your decision.

[loveknowsnodistance27]

I agree with the others. I will not tolerate cheating, period. But especially since he did it twice, he definitely knew what he was doing. You deserve better than that.

[lilspitfire]

I noticed this on other posts and I gotta say, even if he cheated on her, he does not deserve to be called "scum". There is no reason for this. Remember that this is her SO.

To the OP: This is truely about what you decide you can accept. If you think you can work through this and see if you can build up the trust, try to forgive, then go for it. I could not do it and I would be deeply hurt and would not only lose trust, but would lose respect for my partner if he slept with another person, but we are not all the same and if you have it in your heart and you think he deserves another chance, then do it. It is ultimately your decision.

Not to be mean or anything, but what else would you call him?? He cheated yet said he loves her? That is scum to me. He was deceitful, not once, but twice. And not to mention, didn't tell the OP when it happened but waited. "And now he is telling me he will do whatever it takes to prove to me that he is sorry and he will never let this happen again. Amd he will do whatever he can to prove to me that he loves me and wants to be with me and only me and he knows he was wrong and this was the worst mistake of his life.." but he did it TWICE. Not once, but TWICE. Yeah, I think my name suits him fine.

[Sanja]

I don't believe in mistakes when cheating, I believe in choices. I was cheated on and I gave a second chance only to be dumped by my ex. However, that's just me. I hope you realize you are better than that. Good luck!

[snow]

Not to be mean or anything, but what else would you call him?? He cheated yet said he loves her? That is scum to me. He was deceitful, not once, but twice. And not to mention, didn't tell the OP when it happened but waited. "And now he is telling me he will do whatever it takes to prove to me that he is sorry and he will never let this happen again. Amd he will do whatever he can to prove to me that he loves me and wants to be with me and only me and he knows he was wrong and this was the worst mistake of his life.." but he did it TWICE. Not once, but TWICE. Yeah, I think my name suits him fine.

I don't care for your explanation. Keep the insults out of your posts. They are disrespectful. Did you see me call out digital fever? Nope, because hers isn't completely and utterly disrespectful. You are talking about another person's SO, that you don't know. Show some respect. Imagine someone calling your SO "scum" over something he did. You would be bothered as well.

[lilspitfire]

I don't care for your explanation. Keep the insults out of your posts. They are disrespectful. Did you see me call out digital fever? Nope, because hers isn't completely and utterly disrespectful. You are talking about another person's SO, that you don't know. Show some respect. Imagine someone calling your SO "scum" over something he did. You would be bothered as well.

What's the difference? I'm not going to argue with you. It's not worth it. I appreciate your past advice, but you're acting like a child. It's an opinion, I'm allowed to have one. Good day.