Um, really need some help asap!! :(

[chasingdragonflies]

(Sorry if this is not the right place for this but I wanted to post it really quick!)

Okay, basically I need to hear some opinions. It's about potential pregnancies/other things and a sort of LDR.

I've been with my boyfriend for about 8 months. We're both young and at university. We're kind of half LDR half not as when we're not at uni together we're a few hundred miles apart.

I last saw my boyfriend about two and half weeks ago. I've had strange light bleeding for about three weeks. At first I didn't think anything of it as I'm on cerezette and it's known to mess around with your cycle. Anyway, the bleeding didn't stop after I went home from uni and I became paranoid about implantation bleeding, so I decided to take a pregnancy test which came back negative. All was good. Decided to be extra cautious though and take another in a weeks time, which was this morning. It was positive.

Cue major freakout and phonecall to best friends who suggested I did another test and that they'd travel back to university so that we could meet up and they'd accompany me to the doctors for support. A couple of hours later I took another test, which came back negative. So so far, two negatives and one positive. Google tells me that a false positive is really rare and that a false negative is less reliable.

Boyfriend is flying home from holiday tonight but is going to China for a month in a matter of days. I'm planning on taking another test tomorrow and travelling to see my doctor in a couple of days just to be extra sure. As I'm on birth control and I've had two negatives I'm not really sure I'm pregnant. My theory is that it could be an ovarian cyst as my symptoms really line up. Either way, I'm really scared as both are real possibilities.

I'm not sure whether I should tell my boyfriend now or after I've gone to the doctor's in a few days. I don't want to worry him while he's on his trip and I don't want to worry him if it turns out to be nothing but I'm really worried and could do with his support right now. I'm worried that when we skype tonight I'll start crying again and he'll want to know what's wrong. I really just wish he wasn't s far away right now as I really just want him to cuddle me and help me through it. I'm not going to be able to see him for at least another month at best. I also feel he'd be upset if he later found out I didn't tell him.

so basically tl;dr both negative and positive result, strange symptoms, potentially not a pregnancy but something else. I want to tell my LDR boyf now to put my mind at ease but he's travelling and I don't want to ruin his trip or make him worry. Won't see him for at least a month. Should I wait? Should I go to the doctors tell him at all if it turns out to be nothing?

And if it makes any difference, if it is a pregnancy I won't be keeping it. I'm too young, in uni, too financially unstable, and I have a crappy home/family life with nowhere to raise a child. Keeping it would not be an option.

Please help!

[differentcountries]

check with your docor first. Then tell him about it, regardless of the result.

[chasingdragonflies]

check with your docor first. Then tell him about it, regardless of the result.

That's what I want to do, but realistically I don't know if I'm emotionally strong enough to last a few days without his support. I'm very scared of talking to him and just breaking down over it. I also literally just realised that the day I plan on going to the doctor is the day he heads to china, and we're not sure how much contact we're going to have while he's out there.

[chasingdragonflies]

Okay, does this sound fair? I'll do another test tomorrow, if that's positive, I'll tell him. If it's negative, I'll wait until after the doctors.
I just wish he could help me through it because he's so rational and grounded, whereas I'm emotional and indecisive. I feel like he'd know what to do and handle it way better than I would which would make me feel a million times better. Hah.

[ThePiedPiper]

I'd talk to my partner about it but that's me. I've been with him almost a year but even at 8 months I was fine telling him when I felt we should use a Plan B. I think if you need your partner's support, you should ask for it.

[Ahava]

If it was me, I would have told my SO right away that someting weird was going on with my cycle and then also told him about all the test results and about going to see the doctor etc. Even after dating 8 months. I think if I feel close enough to let him go inside of me I sure am close enough to tell him about a pregnancy scare.

I'm not sure if this is coming out the way I intended, it is HOT, I'm sweatting like a pig, and I don't know.

I think he should be let in on it as it involves him too, if you might be pregnant. And also he should be given the chance to be there for you.

[80anthea]

I'd tell my SO too.

[chasingdragonflies]

He already knew that my cycle was being weird but we put it down to my pill. The thing is is that I only started to panic about it today what with the positive test result. I just really don't want to worry him as it's not like we can even be there for each other physically. He has to get up early for work tomorrow, he's going to be jet lagged, and I don't want him losing sleep over it I'm so torn.

My friend said just see if I have the urge to tell him when we do speak tonight, and that should be an indicator of what I should do. I keep going through phases of wanting to tell him and wanting to not tell him just yet.

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

I'd say the first thing to do is calm down. You can't make a rational decision if you are freaking out. So calm down, then maybe make a pros and cons list of telling him.

Though if it was me, I'd talk to him about it. One to help calm me down, and two he might get upset if you don't tell him now that you might be pregnant then you tell him after you go to the doctor. He may get frustrated you didn't tell him that you were concerned.

[TwoThree]

If it had been me (and it has been me ) I would tell my SO right away. You are right, you need the moral support. I don't believe you're pregnant, and hopefully it's just a minor thing, but medical stuff is medical stuff. If we can't rely on our partners in times like these, when can we?

[chasingdragonflies]

If it had been me (and it has been me ) I would tell my SO right away. You are right, you need the moral support. I don't believe you're pregnant, and hopefully it's just a minor thing, but medical stuff is medical stuff. If we can't rely on our partners in times like these, when can we?

I'm not entirely convinced either, so I'm thankful for a second opinion. I'm just terrified it's something else that I'd probably take pregnancy over. Ideally my symptoms are all just coincidences but now I'm thinking about it, I don't think so. I ended up in A&E about a month or two ago with symptoms that seem to possibly be related to conditions other than pregnancy which may have given me a positive result. :/ Bit worried tbh. If he's not too tired/jet lagged, I think I'm going to talk to him tonight. Thanks guys.

[Ahava]

I hope it is nothing serious and try not to stress (easier said than done, I know).

[differentcountries]

I don't know... If you are not sure, why scare him? You say yourself you don't even think it is that you are pregnant. This is not something you want to create a misunderstanding about Since your appointment is only a day away, I would wait until I had the answer. Not because I don't cherish and need my SO's support in things that go in in my life, but I try to cut out some details because it is very hard for him to imagine or even consentrate on everything that goes on in my life. For me, I would not treat it is "real" before the doctor told me anything, especially since the majority of the pregnancy tests have been negative anyway, and since it is really quick to find out compared to most other medical matters.

What you could say is that you have an appointment to find out what the matter is....saying that you don't know (which is actually very true, too). And perhaps you could arrange so that you can call SO when the apointment is done, to discuss what you will do about what you found out.

[chasingdragonflies]

I don't know... If you are not sure, why scare him? You say yourself you don't even think it is that you are pregnant. This is not something you want to create a misunderstanding about Since your appointment is only a day away, I would wait until I had the answer. Not because I don't cherish and need my SO's support in things that go in in my life, but I try to cut out some details because it is very hard for him to imagine or even consentrate on everything that goes on in my life. For me, I would not treat it is "real" before the doctor told me anything, especially since the majority of the pregnancy tests have been negative anyway, and since it is really quick to find out compared to most other medical matters.

What you could say is that you have an appointment to find out what the matter is....saying that you don't know (which is actually very true, too). And perhaps you could arrange so that you can call SO when the apointment is done, to discuss what you will do about what you found out.

I can't book an appointment until the day I need it and my appointment will be four days away at the earliest. At which point he'll be 5,000 miles away and definitely too busy for me to just be like "by the way, I had an appointment today and I need to tell you something". Plus after that there's the time difference and frequency of being available to call.

If I'm honest the negatives have scared me way more than the positives. If I was pregnant I'd know exactly what the issue was and what I'd have to do. I'm scared because I don't know and because I'll probably have to have tests etc and it could be anything. I wouldn't create a misunderstanding in any way, I'm planning on explaining everything exactly as it happened and tell him exactly what I think the issues could be. The fact I think it's more likely to be something else is makes me feel better about telling him - if I thought I was ill in any other way, say with the flu or something, of course I would tell him and I'd expect him to be there for me. That's not to say I'm not scared about telling him because I think it's something else, I've just come to realise that whatever it is probably concerns us both.

I'm going to take another test tomorrow which will probably put our minds further at ease as to which way this is going to go.

I also had a conversation with him when we first got together about abortions and things like that, and I made a passing comment about feeling like if anything happened I'd probably want to keep it a secret, which he didn't respond particularly well to. Now that I've realised what it's actually like to be in a relationship, I realise that I think I'd want to tell him, even if it was difficult. So knowing that, knowing that I was keeping this from him would probably make me feel awful.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still scared and confused about whether I should/what I should/when I should tell him, but I'm starting to think that I'm going to have to tell him at some point anyway, he might as well know from the start.

Argh, this is way difficult.

[silvermoonfairy3]

Just my opinion, but talk to him. I don't think much (if any) good comes from keeping things to yourself in this situation, when you want to be discussing it.