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    #1

    Would this bother you?

    Most of the time my SO sends me a few texts during the day letting me know how his day has been and asking me how I am. If he's too busy during the day, we usually exchange a few texts at night.

    However there are some days, maybe once in a while, where he will let a whole day pass with no communication. I chalk it up to him being too busy that he forgets.
    But when this happens I get really frustrated and I have told him I like hearing from him even if it is a simple text. He knows this and tries his best but, he still forgets sometimes and let's 24 hrs go by with no word from him.

    Also, there are times when all he does is send me a link through email to a funny picture or video but that's all. I think its because he's too tired for a conversation by text or phone/video chat so this is his way of letting me know he's thinking of me.

    Am I being too picky if I can tell for the most part he's trying? Do you give your SO some slack if he or she sometimes gets so involved and busy with what they're doing so that they forget to communicate with you and let a day go by with nothing?
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    #2
    Yes, you are being too picky.

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      #3
      I am being too picky if I feel like I need daily communication even if it's just a text? Lately I've been feeling disconnected from our relationship, and it would help if I knew that there was some sort of communication everyday.

      If he forgets a day here or there, maybe a couple times a week where he goes without communicating with me, then I should just let it go?

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        #4
        I wouldn't be bothered. My SO periodically goes through some intense work days and he wouldn't text or email for a good part of the day. What I don't get is, why don't YOU text him to let him know you're thinking of him? Don't you ever initiate contact? Or do you text him and he doesn't text back?
        I thought of you and the years and all the sadness fell away from me - Pink Floyd

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          #5
          You have every right to need more, but he also has every right not to want to give it. I think you need to have a conversation with him and work out a compromise. You both need to find a common ground of what you can each accept. If you can't find that middle ground, you will continue to want more or he will continue to want less and it will continue to cause problems.

          I suggest each making a wish list of what your ideal amount of communication would be and then working out a plan to make it work for both of you to be happy. I don't ever like to hear when one partner is "too busy" and the other is upset by it, you really are never too busy to make a 2 minute text a day, you just don't want to feel obligated to do it. I get that, but for me if my SO had been like that too much, we would never have gotten to this point. I need more than that and we did work out because he did too. Each couple is different, so you need to figure out what works best for you two.

          I look at it like this, I have had two jobs and been a single mom and still made time to talk to my (galpal) best friend at that time, me and her found time every week to talk on the phone around kids and bosses and boyfriends and everything else, so why should your partner be any different? If you really want to make the time, you can. A day with no communication every once and a while is one thing but when it happens more often than not, it is not about being busy. You need to figure out what is what you are okay with, and what you are not okay with and then work forward from there.
          "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
          Benjamin Franklin

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            #6
            That used to bug me to :-/ like eveb a simple text saying hey love you. But sometimes I didn't hear from him for hours. And I knew he was busy but still :-/. So you have every right to be bugged

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              #7
              Originally posted by TwoThree View Post
              What I don't get is, why don't YOU text him to let him know you're thinking of him? Don't you ever initiate contact? Or do you text him and he doesn't text back?
              Yeah, I'd be bothered by no texts a day IF I had my own texts being ignored entirely. How often do you let him know during the day that he's on your mind?

              Married: June 9th, 2015

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                #8
                This is something that I just had to deal with - the no contact, and it does bother me. I'm no longer with him (not really because of this... it's complicated). But I can understand just wanting to have like a text or two... nothing much. Just to know that he's thinking about you. So I feel like it would bother me, and it has bothered me. But it would depend on if he had told you if he was going to be too busy or not - it just depends on the situation itself.

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                  #9
                  Originally posted by TwoThree View Post
                  I wouldn't be bothered. My SO periodically goes through some intense work days and he wouldn't text or email for a good part of the day. What I don't get is, why don't YOU text him to let him know you're thinking of him? Don't you ever initiate contact? Or do you text him and he doesn't text back?
                  We both initiate contact with me being about 70% of the time initiating if I had to give you an estimate. There have been times when he is too busy to respond.
                  Last edited by Polly; August 1, 2014, 09:07 PM.

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                    #10
                    While I can understand wanting more. And I know it used to bother me on those rare days when I wouldn't get to talk to my SO at all. But I talked to him about it and expressed how it concerned me and he explained why he had gone a day without talking. I think if its bothering you, you should find out why there is the lack of communication on those days, and ask if its possible for him to set aside maybe 5 minutes just to tell you what he is doing and why he may not get to talk to you.

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                      #11
                      *shrug* Not every single minute has to be filled with talking. Sending a link of something that he thought you would enjoy would be enough for me.

                      Relationship began: 05/22/2012
                      First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
                      Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
                      Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
                      Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
                      Married: 1/24/2015
                      Became Resident: 9/14/2015

                      Comment

                        #12
                        I gave my SO a lot of slack on this, basically because of his job, and the fact that if he goes up north, he doesn't get service. It just depends on what you can personally be "okay with" some people are okay with a day pf no comm. Sone people arent. Also, the main thing that makes me happy is: he's trying. Sometimes, that's all you can really ask for.
                        "We are beings attracted to the essence of hope, and life is the all encompassing hope that everything can change; that everything can be better."

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Originally posted by Unconditional View Post
                          I gave my SO a lot of slack on this, basically because of his job, and the fact that if he goes up north, he doesn't get service. It just depends on what you can personally be "okay with" some people are okay with a day pf no comm. Sone people arent. Also, the main thing that makes me happy is: he's trying. Sometimes, that's all you can really ask for.
                          This. If it happened every other day, at least once a week or even a couple times a week, maybe I would get a little irritated, but every once in a while with a busy job, I would probably be more worried than angry.

                          Relationship began: 05/22/2012
                          First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
                          Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
                          Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
                          Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
                          Married: 1/24/2015
                          Became Resident: 9/14/2015

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Originally posted by snow View Post
                            This. If it happened every other day, at least once a week or even a couple times a week, maybe I would get a little irritated, but every once in a while with a busy job, I would probably be more worried than angry.
                            I don't really get angry. I just get worried. I make sure to text HIM though, just in case, cause sometimes my phone doesn't pick up certain texts. (Don't ask me why, I'll be happy when I get a new phone lol)
                            OP: it's definetly what you make of it, but I would have a conversation with him if this is bothering you so much, but a little slack in this area isn't that bad. Especially of he knows it bothers you but can't do too much about it. I mean, when you're busy at work, you're BUSY. it's not his fault, I'm sure he'd much rather be texting you, but sometimes he can't. Also depends on the type of job he has on how much leeway to give really.
                            "We are beings attracted to the essence of hope, and life is the all encompassing hope that everything can change; that everything can be better."

                            Comment

                              #15
                              I think I should clarify. Sometimes he doesn't communicate because he's too busy. But the last two times this has happened I find out later that he wasn't busy at all. For example, one day this week he went a whole day without messaging me and since I'm usually the one initiating I didn't want to be needy and left it up to him. Also, since he is more busy than me, it makes more sense to me to have him initiate when he is available since I never know when he is busy.

                              Anyways, I finally sent him a text that night late like around 10pm, after not hearing from him all day, and I find out he has been at home playing video games. The second time this week this happened where I didn't hear from him I find out later he went home early from work and was home all evening.

                              Maybe he was tired and didn't feel like texting, but a simple how are you and goodnight text is better than nothing. But I've already brought this up, and when I do, he tries and then after a couple weeks he forgets again.

                              I don't want to keep bringing it up to remind him as I will start to sound like a nag. I don't know how to make it clear to him. I have this problem where when I do bring it up, I back track and say stuff like, "i want more contact, but maybe I need to understand how busy you are, or maybe I'm being paranoid and stressing out too much over this." I always sabatoge myself by saying what I want and then back tracking instead of being straight forward about what I want. And then after I kick myself for being a wuss

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