Would this bother you?

[faith_patience_believe]

Well, my boyfriend and I had a discussion on how much communication we both expect and what will work for us. I have told him even a short text would be nice because it makes me feel like he's thinking of me if he has no time to do anything else.

He also told me sometimes he is tired or is too busy working to be always available and that sometimes he might miss my texts entirely because he doesn't always have his phone near by when he is working. He often works late nights and is on-call sometimes too.

I noticed after our talk that this has made a difference in his efforts and also I'm now feeling less needy after realizing he loves me enough to hear me out and accepting of my need for a little bit more. And even if most of a day goes by without communication, I now feel OK about it after talking to him about how his situation is.

Basically, I feel like we both have an understanding of each other's needs and will both try our best : him trying more with communication and me with being flexible with times when his other commitments or personal situations come up.

Even though I know I probably could have accepted less communication if that's the only way it would work for him because of his busyness, I am so glad we talked because from talking, I realized he was willing to make more effort and time to communicate. It just took me telling him what I wanted to make the long distance easier for me!

I'm so glad that you were able to talk to him about the situation and discuss where you both stand. This is such a good example of how good communication in a relationship is so important and works so well. Bringing up little things that might be bothering you and talking about them maturely is only going to build the relationship and make it stronger. I'm so glad it worked well for you

As for the situation, I think different guys are different. I have two exes and they both were less likely to be texting or responding frequently and right away. This did bother me because I would feel like they weren't as devoted to the relationship as I was. Maybe they weren't or maybe they just went about things in a different way. I knew that conflicted with how I naturally went about things, but I was willing to work through it like you are. My current boyfriend is quite the opposite. He's always there when I need him and always texting me throughout the day. This just goes so well with the way I go about things and we're both very content. So I can't imagine if he suddenly stopped the frequent communication.

[Polly]

Well, my boyfriend and I had a discussion on how much communication we both expect and what will work for us. I have told him even a short text would be nice because it makes me feel like he's thinking of me if he has no time to do anything else.

He also told me sometimes he is tired or is too busy working to be always available and that sometimes he might miss my texts entirely because he doesn't always have his phone near by when he is working. He often works late nights and is on-call sometimes too.

I noticed after our talk that this has made a difference in his efforts and also I'm now feeling less needy after realizing he loves me enough to hear me out and accepting of my need for a little bit more. And even if most of a day goes by without communication, I now feel OK about it after talking to him about how his situation is.

Basically, I feel like we both have an understanding of each other's needs and will both try our best : him trying more with communication and me with being flexible with times when his other commitments or personal situations come up.

Even though I know I probably could have accepted less communication if that's the only way it would work for him because of his busyness, I am so glad we talked because from talking, I realized he was willing to make more effort and time to communicate. It just took me telling him what I wanted to make the long distance easier for me!

[Cat-and-Austin]

This would bug me too - before my boyfriend and I had our break it used to bother me a lot when he didn't get in touch all day and I'd worry that I had done something wrong, but since we got back together and worked things through we have been much much better at communicating and I don't think either of us would ever dream of going a day without at least letting the other person know what was going on.

Everyone is different and has different expectations from their SO - but if you want more from him you have every right and you aren't being picky that's just how you want your relationship to be and there's nothing wrong with that. However, you do need to tell him this, you need to be able to talk to him about it and let him know that it bothers you and all you want is a text in the morning to say hello.

Also you mentioned thinking that some times he is too tired for a conversation - maybe suggest to him that when that happens maybe do something different like maybe sending pictures to each other of things you've done that day or picture of yourself, something that doesn't involve much thinking but that still lets you feel close to him.

[whatruckus]

I think I have a better idea of how to handle this now from everyone's advice. I won't let the fact that I have to initiate a lot of the contact bother me. He's busy so he probably just gets too involved with what he's doing at the moment to think of texting me. If that happens I need to reach out to him.

If it does get to the point that it's happening a lot, however, then I will say something about it.

Otherwise, I will try to stop thinking about it if our relationship in general is pretty good. I just miss him a lot and need to manage that with keeping more busy I guess.

Yea, don't let it bother you so much. It is annoying though, I do understand that part. But, like I said, you can talk to him about it and let him know that you'd like it if you guys talked just a bit more. I don't think that's too extreme to ask. Keep us updated.

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

I think I have a better idea of how to handle this now from everyone's advice. I won't let the fact that I have to initiate a lot of the contact bother me. He's busy so he probably just gets too involved with what he's doing at the moment to think of texting me. If that happens I need to reach out to him.

If it does get to the point that it's happening a lot, however, then I will say something about it.

Otherwise, I will try to stop thinking about it if our relationship in general is pretty good. I just miss him a lot and need to manage that with keeping more busy I guess.

It really doesn't matter who initiates contact. It isn't a contest, after all. Just go by your feelings. Chances are, if you are feeling a strong need to talk to him, he is feeling the same way. And if you are feeling neglected, and he's busy, then you go do something for yourself, stay busy and make yourself happy.

[Bobbiejeanne]

I think this varies from couple to couple.
My SO and I talk every single day, even if it's only texting me right before he goes to bed. Now, I might have a bias on this situation because my SO and I just got into our first ever fight, which happened to be on this subject (we went a while without talking, except he kept sending me his medical school applications to edit and look over. It was a rather small fight, and he admitted to slacking off on talking.)

So, I guess my advice to you is if it bothers you so much, why not talk to him about it? If you are use to some sort of routine, and that has changed, inform him that it's not adequate enough?
But, also realise that stress, work, etc. etc. can affect these sorts of things, and maybe the two of you need to strike a balance that fits into both of your schedules, rather than just what you want.

The solution?: Communicate about communicating. lol

[.:Sammie:.]

I feel you have a right to be bothered. I have talked to my bf about the same thing. There is many times that I see he goes online in his chatting app or on facebook, but does not message me once. I used to message him all the time, but after a while, I started to feel he doesn't miss it if i don't text him. So i understand why you get bothered not being talked to all day. It is something that really bothers me as well. For my bf, i know that he does not understand that i need to hear from him, at least here and there. Maybe try talking to him about the way that you feel when he doesn't text you. I have with my bf and he tries, but then forgets again, and that can get frustrating lol.

[whatruckus]

you're fücking rëtarded seriously if you honestly think that's too picky when he goes 24 hrs without texting her like what the fück are you really that fücking blind, read the entire post before you comment you dumb fücking rëtard.

You've been reported, stop trolling.

[Sarah96]

It depends I think. Like others said, at that point I would contact him. Since it's a relationship you're both responsible for communicating, so if he is too busy or tired to then you need to step up and be the one to start the conversation. I know there was a day where my boyfriend was busy ALL DAY helping his friend fix up his new house and I was upset because he was super busy all day and wasn't texting me, but then I realized it was partially my job to initiate the conversation. So I think it is a little too picky.

[snow]

Maybe I am not making myself clear. Talking to me is a synonym of simply having contact with each other. So when I say talking, I do not mean talking in person, I mean communicating.

We talk nearly everyday. I don't expect to Skype or talk on the phone (very rare) everyday, but most days we Skype.
Nowadays I think he initiates a little more, but it is quite close to been even
Evey relationship is different, but if I didn't at least receive a couple text messages during the day I would be worried and or pissed off.
Everybody is different though and every couple has to define what communication answers to their needs best.

[Polly]

I think I have a better idea of how to handle this now from everyone's advice. I won't let the fact that I have to initiate a lot of the contact bother me. He's busy so he probably just gets too involved with what he's doing at the moment to think of texting me. If that happens I need to reach out to him.

If it does get to the point that it's happening a lot, however, then I will say something about it.

Otherwise, I will try to stop thinking about it if our relationship in general is pretty good. I just miss him a lot and need to manage that with keeping more busy I guess.

[whatruckus]

I do see what everyone is saying here, sometimes it's understandable if he forgets to send me a message for a whole day. But I have to emphasize WE DO NOT TALK EVERYDAY, nor do I expect us to talk everyday. That is not realistic because he is often tired or too busy. We actually only talk once a week. What I'm pointing out is that it would be nice to get even a short text on the days when we can't talk, and usually if that doesn't happen, then I reach out and send him a text. It just bothers me when I have to do that because sometimes it makes me feel like I am making all the effort.

I do see that he makes efforts in other ways, so I cut him some slack for not always communicating, but it doesn't keep it from bothering me on the days I don't hear from him at all. I guess what I'm saying, is for me, personally I find it hard to feel connected or close to him with an average of one phone call a week (maybe two) and some texting, if on top of that he sometimes lets a day here or there go by with no communication.

But I do feel better knowing that this has happened for a lot of people, and that it isn't really a big deal. Sometimes, though it's hard for me to not feel what I feel.

Well, this is different then. He should be making more of an effort than what's happening. I didn't know that you two only talked maybe once a week. Even my SO will text me/FB message me sometimes out of the blue. However, it's mostly me doing the initiating (except lately, we're supposed to be on a "break" that he suggested, but he's started to initiate the conversations. Could also be because I backed off significantly and barely initiate/try to talk to him to give him his space.). It could also be that he's a guy, and most guys don't like talking that much. I would definitely try to schedule some time to talk to him, preferably over the phone, and even better: Skype. Tell him what has been going on, how you feel, and suggestions that would make it better. It's also good to do the whole, "I feel..." statements, so he doesn't feel like he's being attacked.

Example: I feel as though we don't talk as much as we could be, and it's starting to make me feel bummed out and miss you more.

Or something like that.

[Polly]

I agree with snow. You can't really expect to talk to him every single day, it's not really realistic. Life gets in the way sometimes. I don't get to talk to my SO every day. Like yesterday, I didn't get to talk to him at all because he crashed as soon as he got home from work and slept all the way through until he woke up this morning. Today, I wanted to talk to him so I messaged him when he got home. Now we're talking. It's not really a big deal. Even if you were CD, I wouldn't really expect to talk every day. Does it suck sometimes? Sure, but it's not an end all, be all.

I do see what everyone is saying here, sometimes it's understandable if he forgets to send me a message for a whole day. But I have to emphasize WE DO NOT TALK EVERYDAY, nor do I expect us to talk everyday. That is not realistic because he is often tired or too busy. We actually only talk once a week. What I'm pointing out is that it would be nice to get even a short text on the days when we can't talk, and usually if that doesn't happen, then I reach out and send him a text. It just bothers me when I have to do that because sometimes it makes me feel like I am making all the effort.

I do see that he makes efforts in other ways, so I cut him some slack for not always communicating, but it doesn't keep it from bothering me on the days I don't hear from him at all. I guess what I'm saying, is for me, personally I find it hard to feel connected or close to him with an average of one phone call a week (maybe two) and some texting, if on top of that he sometimes lets a day here or there go by with no communication.

But I do feel better knowing that this has happened for a lot of people, and that it isn't really a big deal. Sometimes, though it's hard for me to not feel what I feel.

What makes me I guess feel more needy is that we don't get to visit each other often. On average we go for 2 months without seeing other and my visits are very short (3-4 days) because we both work full time and our employers only allow for 3 weeks vacation time in a year, so we have to really spread those days out. On top of that, he has to ration out his vacation time to visit his family who are in another country, so he can't devote all of his allotted vacation days to visit me. I understand that, because he needs to visit his family too.

[Unconditional]

Also, instead of focusing so much on the quantity of communication, maybe the quality of it should be the important thing here.

I agree with this. If the quality of communication is great, then you really don't notice if the quantity ifs low on it, just because a phone call could mean so much and such. Well, you still notice, but is less of an impact than if the quality of the communication is not so good

I agree with snow. You can't really expect to talk to him every single day, it's not really realistic. Life gets in the way sometimes. I don't get to talk to my SO every day. Like yesterday, I didn't get to talk to him at all because he crashed as soon as he got home from work and slept all the way through until he woke up this morning. Today, I wanted to talk to him so I messaged him when he got him. Now we're talking. It's not really a big deal. Even if you were CD, I wouldn't really expect to talk every day. Does it suck sometimes? Sure, but it's not an end all, be all.

Agreed.
Life happens. Life gets in the way sometimes. People forget! Sometimes people are exhausted. In a perfect world, that wouldn't happen, and you would text and talk every single day\minute, but life is NOT perfect, people are not perfect. Sometimes you have a long day at work and want to rewind and play some video games and become so engrossed in said Games that you forget to text someone, but as soon as you are reminded of them ( i.e. a text or phone call) you still really enjoy their company.
This ifs really all I have to say at the moment