feeling lost..Should I let her go?

[gvitesse]

Hello people, I'm in desperate need of advice. I'm in love with a girl from another country, she likes me too and she genuinely cares for me. I won't go much into this but I do have a feeling, I will never find or meet someone like her again.
I've had a very bad experience with someone before, she basically played with me and since then I have trust issues and I've become insecure and lost my self-esteem but I'm working on it.
I don't know why but today I felt so lost today and a lot of negative thoughts are running through my head right now. We like each other a lot and I felt like I should completely stop talking to her, forget her and move on with my life. I know why I felt this way..
1. fear of getting hurt
2. I'm afraid she will lose interest in me because of the long wait. I will visit her next year.

To be honest, I don't have much experience with relationships and I'm very immature when it comes to relationships.

Secondly, my problem is, I don't know when to ask her out to be my girlfriend. A part of me wants to take things slow and another part of me is afraid of her losing interest in me. She never was in a relationship before, i'm wondering what if she doesn't like online relationships..she works hard, studies hard and helps animals.

[Ahava]

I think you should discuss all of this with her. She probably has similar questions regarding the two of you.
Why don't you just ask her how she feels about an online relationship.
She is the one person in the world that can set your mind at rest.
Good luck!

[Unconditional]

Another thing to add, please try to stay positive. Next year is not that far away =)
the relationship is fairly new, that being said perhaps she likes it being slow as this is her first relationship I don't think she'd like to rush into it. But yes, discuss this with her, get her input.

[heytherehello]

It is hard...and it will not be the the first time you feel like its too much and you can't handle it.You have to hang in there because it IS worth it.... as the others said,try to have an open talk with her,see exactly where you guys are standing,see if you both want the same thing... Keep us posted and good luck

[Miasmata]

If she's really as good as you say, then she's the right person to talk to about this. In a relationship, you gotta be able to share both the good and the bad with someone, and let them get to know the real you. A relationship based on pretend and lies doesn't go far. Don't be too afraid to be honest with her

[gvitesse]

Thank you so much for your input! appreciate it.

I feel like I would freak her out by asking about an online relationship, I'm afraid that would ruin our friendship we have now but I have to take the risk.

[Miasmata]

Yeah, be honest about how you feel. There's a huge issue with the "I don't want to ruin the friendship" thing that a lot of people don't realize - People can agree not to enter a relationship and still stay friends, but by being dishonest about your feelings, you are not even getting to that chance. You are just hurting yourself by keeping it secret, and you are being dishonest to the other person too. You and her both deserve honesty.

[gvitesse]

I really try to be myself around her but I don't know if I should tell her about my past..I was in depression the last time a girl left me and it changed me. Sometimes, I feel like an emotional wreck. I just wish I could stop these negative irrational thoughts. Telling her about my past, my insecurities, is it a good idea? and she's never told me about her personal problems either..

[gvitesse]

Actually, I've confessed to her that I really like her more than a friend and her response was " I really like you too". So, what's next? How do I take it to the next level? I've never been in an online relationship before =/

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

If I was you, I'd ask her if she would ever consider being in an online relationship, and tell her that you only ask because you really like her and are afraid of losing her.

[squeeker]

I really try to be myself around her but I don't know if I should tell her about my past..I was in depression the last time a girl left me and it changed me. Sometimes, I feel like an emotional wreck. I just wish I could stop these negative irrational thoughts. Telling her about my past, my insecurities, is it a good idea? and she's never told me about her personal problems either..

Tell her about your past!!

I say this from experience.. my SO had a rough past and has suffered through depression and a bad ex girlfriend.. I remember he opened up with me about some of the issues in his past pretty early on, before we were in a relationship. We hadn't video chatted yet. I think it was a great idea because one, I knew he was a complicated person from the start, and two, it helped me to trust him because of how readily he opened up and how I knew he couldn't be making it up.. even though some of the things were so crazy I wanted to think he was making it up..

I also second the idea that you should definitely take things slow! My relationship with my SO was my first relationship and I'm so glad my SO and I took things slow.. it took us just under a year from initially meeting online before we officially declared our relationship. Though early on he told me how he felt, and we would almost act like a relationship at times.. but it was new territory for me since I hadn't had a relationship before, so I was scared and we were just friends for those early months, but it was good... the best relationships are based on good solid friendships where you can talk about anything and everything with each other, in my opinion.. so tell her you like her and just take it slow from there don't worry about making it official right away but ask her what she would think of it? and just see how she feels about it. Talk and more talking with her..build that friendship!!

[whatruckus]

Tell her about your past!!

I say this from experience.. my SO had a rough past and has suffered through depression and a bad ex girlfriend.. I remember he opened up with me about some of the issues in his past pretty early on, before we were in a relationship. We hadn't video chatted yet. I think it was a great idea because one, I knew he was a complicated person from the start, and two, it helped me to trust him because of how readily he opened up and how I knew he couldn't be making it up.. even though some of the things were so crazy I wanted to think he was making it up..

I also second the idea that you should definitely take things slow! My relationship with my SO was my first relationship and I'm so glad my SO and I took things slow.. it took us just under a year from initially meeting online before we officially declared our relationship. Though early on he told me how he felt, and we would almost act like a relationship at times.. but it was new territory for me since I hadn't had a relationship before, so I was scared and we were just friends for those early months, but it was good... the best relationships are based on good solid friendships where you can talk about anything and everything with each other, in my opinion.. so tell her you like her and just take it slow from there don't worry about making it official right away but ask her what she would think of it? and just see how she feels about it. Talk and more talking with her..build that friendship!!

I second this. My SO and I told each other about our terrible pasts, along with exes, before we even started dating. Actually, we had just started talking and told each other about everything, just in case we did get together. What it did was help both of us to keep from making those mistakes, and help us trust each other more. Now we've been together for well over a year and a half. If you want to be in a relationship with her, you're going to have to tell her these things, you need to be open with her. If she freaks and leaves, then you'll know it was never meant to be. If she stays, then you'll know she's a good one.

[Miasmata]

Very good posts before this one!

Remember, your past doesn't define you, but it's a part of you nonetheless, and therefor part of what makes you, you. There is no reason to hide that from someone you really want to have a serious relationship with. Being able to trust each other with your real selves is an absolute key part in a relationship.

[gvitesse]

Many thanks to everyone! I appreciate it.

You guys made me open my eyes and I admit, I have to tell her everything..I would definitely tell her about my past eventually. The only thing I'm afraid to tell her the last girl I loved was online too even though we weren't in a relationship! Should I tell her about this? Does it really matter?