It has ended

[Moon]

lol.. umm.. you saw gentle womanly words here? :P
I saw 'stop being so dramatic' and 'move on' and 'yeah you got played but you're an adult, act like it.'

Hahaha! Alright, ya got me there

[Moon]

Emotionally I much closer relate to women than men. In my relationships I have also ended up in the position that is traditionally occupied by the woman.

Have you ever considered that might be part of your problem? I do not mean that as an insult, I mean that that may be sincerely part of the issue. There aren't that many women who like that kind of thing, in my experience. Some do, of course, but I believe that to be the exception, and not the rule.

[LovingAcrossTheAtlantic]

So I have been in the situation where I was the innocent new partner who knew nothing about my SO (at the time) actions. And I can honestly say that when the other person told me what was going on I was grateful. Yes it hurt, but I got over it and I would rather have known about his actions than not known and found out later.

However, due to some people hacking my old accounts and pretending to be me, someone messaged my bf saying I was cheating when I really wasnt. But he didnt have any evidence and what little that he did was enough to tell it wasnt me. So that saved my relationship.

My point, I think you messaging the boyfriend was the right thing to do, especially since you provided evidence. Because what she did could be considered cheating and in my mind it would be. And so I would like to know if it had been my bf. BUT you blocking him and her means that there is no possible way to find an explanation such as them having an open relationship. And as stated before it made it so the guy couldnt ask you any questions.

My advice, unblock them. Talk to him about it because I'm sure you both have questions. Also, he may not even see your message if you messaged him on facebook. They usually go into a separate inbox and the person doesnt get a notification. However if possible, talk to him.

[Swederica]

Have you ever considered that might be part of your problem? I do not mean that as an insult, I mean that that may be sincerely part of the issue. There aren't that many women who like that kind of thing, in my experience. Some do, of course, but I believe that to be the exception, and not the rule.

Yes I have. Excluding anxieties and other such options, a few personality traits are problematic and I'm certain unappealing to most women.

That is so insultive towards feminine guys and women alike. I would say rather come to terms with who you are, and learn how to run when bad news knocks on your door. There are plenty of men with some feminine traits in them that know how to stand up for themselves, and women who know how to do that too, selvrespect and learning how to make the best out of life has nothing to do with gender. Toughening up is not all good, I have seen people become emotionally unavailable in an attempt to be less soft, but the aim is rather to create a balance so you dear open your heart but still see the red flags as they might appear, be open but caucious.

Agreed. that's what I want to reach.

I seriously think you need to take a look at your actions. Yes, she played you - but you're an adult too. You need to think of the consequences of your own actions before putting them into action. Just because she hurt you, doesn't mean you have the right to hurt her new boyfriend who may genuinely feel strong for her? Why ruin something that he may have wanted with her for a while too just so you can get pay back and revenge. It's very childish.

I think you're highly irrational and you use your anxieties as an excuse to do them. Yes, you got burned but that's a part of life. Love hurts, and what you thought was special with her, may have just been something for her to pass the time until she found something else to play with. Yes, she is in the wrong here - but so are you for childishly trying to get revenge for messaging her new interest. You may have thought you were doing him a favour, but did you really think of the bigger picture here? You need to calm down and get help for your problems. You need to step away from what you thought you had with her. She was right, you should've cut off contact with her long ago - maybe in some way, she was trying to tell you that she wasn't interested in you any longer. That's usually what it means when people actually suggest to not talk any more. I'd suggest you to not look at her facebook, or his - and to just find preventable ways to not check in on her life. She's made it clear she doesn't want you to be a part of it, now you have to find a way to move on in your own way. We understand you feel like you have a huge hole in your heart, but that's a part of falling for someone and it will heal in time - as long as you try to move on and don't allow yourself to cling onto her and what has been.

I think you should really try checking out 7 Cups Of Tea, their website is free to use and it has advice for all different kinds of problems - from anxiety, to depression and to dealing with the fall out from break ups as well as people there who are trained to be a listener for these sort of things. Just take a look and get yourself some help. You're not helping yourself or anyone to move on if you don't at least try. Get yourself out of the house, go jogging, make a to-do list of things you want to do to get you away from this situation. It'll get better in time but only if you put some effort in.

Sorry if my post seems harsh. I don't mean too but sometimes people need a wake up call with very blunt advice and you just seem like a very irrational emotional person who finds it difficult to take people's advice on board without making a mountain out of a molehill.

Good luck, though. You'll need it.

Harsh but useful. Contrary to popular belief, I am in fact a very rational person. Except for when it comes to feelings and emotions. the phrasing you're looking for is "You just seem like a very emotionally irrational person". One persons mountain is another persons molehill. I mean building a nuclear reactor may seem like a difficult task for most, and by "Just go out socializing and make friends" those are essentially the same task. I guess another analogy would be like buying build-it-yourself furniture from IKEA and get no manual on how to assemble it. I mean you'll try for a while and unless you're extremely lucky you'll quit out of frustration after a while.

Are you certain I use my anxieties as an excuse for my emotionally irrational behavior or do I use them as explanations afterwards. I guess it doesn't matter really.

I've always known that she was right. I just couldn't process or deal with it. Now I have. She's gone, it's over. Facebook is blocked and there's 0 way for me to check in on her life.

I thank you for the advice and the suggestion, I'll check it out

[Ahava]

Wow!
I must say that you have one manly trate that I have noticed on this board (ofcourse there are the exceptions to the rule).
You took all these accusations or "gentle feminine words" as helpful advice instead of getting pissed of and starting a battle
A lot of women would have blown their tops off
Referring to my first sentence, men tend to deal better with criticism/not take it personally. (DISCLAIMER: This is MY opinion and ofcourse there are the exceptions and it is not as black and white etc and I'm not good with PC.)

As to my opinion, I think your ex "girlfriend" (if you can call her that) seems very confused about what se wants and I'm sorry for the pain this relationship caused you. Judging from your answers I believe you can find a way to learn from it and become stronger.
As to the "new guy", could he be The Boyfriend she maybe never broke up with or they got back together?
Who ever he was I think he has the right to know that he's been two timed.
Someone mentioned the possibility of them having an open relationship, I think she would have mentioned that to the OP if it was so.

Take care!

[Swederica]

Wow!
I must say that you have one manly trate that I have noticed on this board (ofcourse there are the exceptions to the rule).
You took all these accusations or "gentle feminine words" as helpful advice instead of getting pissed of and starting a battle
A lot of women would have blown their tops off
Referring to my first sentence, men tend to deal better with criticism/not take it personally. (DISCLAIMER: This is MY opinion and ofcourse there are the exceptions and it is not as black and white etc and I'm not good with PC.)

As to my opinion, I think your ex "girlfriend" (if you can call her that) seems very confused about what se wants and I'm sorry for the pain this relationship caused you. Judging from your answers I believe you can find a way to learn from it and become stronger.
As to the "new guy", could he be The Boyfriend she maybe never broke up with or they got back together?
Who ever he was I think he has the right to know that he's been two timed.
Someone mentioned the possibility of them having an open relationship, I think she would have mentioned that to the OP if it was so.

Take care!

Thank you. In the end I myself am too blame for some of the "gentle words" as I have a number of other things I'm dealing with at the same time as this, but which I omitted in order to keep on topic better.
As for criticism/accusations/other it's just to place myself in their shoes, and sure enough, I understand precisely where they are coming from.
I'm glad to hear I have some shreds of manliness in me!

I have a feeling that it's the same guy. Can't be certain but it would make sense (both norwegian for example).
I agree that she seems confused. It would take an eternity basically going through all the intricacies between her and me and unfortunately simplifications have a tendency to subscribe to extremes.
I have an unfortunate tendency of painting myself as a victim. I've been very far from a perfect individual and I have hurt her deeply at times, same as she's hurt me deeply.
It's better that we part ways and that she can find happiness and that I can find happiness. We both deserve that.
I know that it's the norm in all these situations and in most breakups to build up anger towards whomever you're parting from to make the parting easier. While I've at times gotten upset and angry (such as when I found out) at her I can't bring myself to that now. I'm not a very angry person truly. To be able to find peace and move on, I forgive her for whatever injustices she's done me and hope that she can forgive whatever injustices I've done to her. I wish her the best in life but the chapter that is her and my love-story is now closed.

[Redheart14]

Sounds like you were better off without her. Move on there's someone better out there waiting for you. Best of luck

[p_b82]

I think you did the right thing to let the person know, but not do it in the right manner - but it is water under the bridge.

Some people are able to separate a relationship with a bit of fun when horny and going down cybersex type routes. It sounds to me that you gave her a powertrip, because every single time she wanted a boost she got in touch with you, and you would indulge her.

This one, while ticked a lot of the right boxes, was not the one for you, it happens and luckily for you, you have found out a lot sooner than I did with my ex - we had 2 great years, 1.5 good years, 1 bad then 1 terrible. It hurts as you go through the breakup, and all that crap, but you will find some-one else, typically when you are not looking for it!

I agree with comments above that you would probably really benefit from speaking to a professional if you do not have another friend you can turn to, as it might help with the other things you have going on in your life as well. I know from my 2013 dealing with a variety of things which would all be emotionally difficult if they happened spaced out but instead it was all at the same time, takes a huge toll, and the slump is a lot harder to get out of.