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I'd do anything for love, but I won't do that?

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    #16
    Originally posted by snow View Post
    Anything that is against laws and harms someone.
    Ditto!

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      #17
      I think my boundaries are more or less the same as everyone else's:

      1. Anything illegal
      2. Anything harmful to others
      3. Give up my education
      4. Give up my loved ones--human or pet
      5. Anything which I feel compromises my integrity
      6. Allow my partner to dictate my existence, basically
      7. Accept cheating
      8. Accept abuse towards me or others

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        #18
        Convert to any religion/cult
        Accept any kind of abuse
        Cut ties with people dear to me
        Put myself in harm's way, whatever that entails
        Get into a bad financial situation.

        Children (or not having them) is totally up for discussion. So is changing some aspects of how I look.

        And now I can't get the scene of Liz Lemon doing that talk show and going nuts with the "deal breaker" thing out of my head.
        I thought of you and the years and all the sadness fell away from me - Pink Floyd

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          #19
          Would never get a Brazilian. That seems absolutely awful.

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            #20
            I would never change anything about myself. And I would never let my SO tell me to break with my parents or other family members or friends. I think it all comes down to: I want to be able to make my own decisions and my SO has to respect me.

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              #21
              Would never choose SO over my kid permanently and would never chose my SO over myself. In general if SO would demand anything or they will leave that would be a red flag.
              “We're all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.”
              ― Robert Fulghum, True Love

              Met UK 3.08.2012-5.08.12 ->UK 1.12.12-3.12.12->PL 8.02.13-16.02.13->PL 1.06.13-9.06.13->UK 3.08.13-17.08.13->UK 26.10.2013-02.11.2013->PL 30.11.2013-08.12.2013->PL 22.03.2014-29.03.2014->UK 31.05.2014-07.06.2014->PL 06.09.2014-13.09.13->UK 20.12.2014-03.01.2015
              Closed the distance >21.03.2015
              sigpic

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                #22
                Originally posted by Moon View Post
                I'm not sure what that has to do with the things *I* wouldn't do for love, but whatever floats your boat.
                You are right, it doesn't have anything to do with your list, it was just that I remembered that I used to have the principle that every person should pay for themselves, too. There is not emergency, he has his pay and even food&accomondation included in his job. And still here I am, paying for him/us to have a flat, really streatching my economy to make it happen. So, perhaps my once firm principle is now my anti-principle?

                I used to never want to change much in a relationship, I saw that as dangerous to my integrety. Falling in love never made me inclinded to change to suit a lover, the idea seemed absurd to me. I was upset my ex wanted to change my hairstyle (although it looked better on me when I eventually tried it)! I was open to work on my issues, but I never wanted to change any personal habits or the way I spent money and I thought that was how it should be. I don't know what happened, perhaps because I got older and started to think of many details as not important, perhaps because I got sick and I feel I have to sort of invent myself anew anyway, perhaps because the Turkish mentally of "I feel this way today, let's see tomorrow" is getting under my skin. Whatever the reason, I find it more liberating than scary to think that I would change if SO asked me to.
                Last edited by differentcountries; September 27, 2014, 03:45 AM.
                I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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                  #23
                  I won't cut ties with my loved ones.
                  I would never purposely harm another person or animal.
                  I won't break any immigration laws or most others.
                  I won't change the core being of who I am.
                  "Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. "
                  Benjamin Franklin

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                    #24
                    Oh and I'm not a Meatloaf fan, just had that song playing in my head

                    I agree with most things said here and wouldn't do them. The thing is my current SO accepts me the way I am and doesn't ask me to do anything/change myself so I don't even have to think of anything of those.
                    Regarding looks I think if he hints he likes something, I might try it just once for the fun of it, if it's something I like too or am neutral about.

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                      #25
                      I think mine been covered:
                      - wouldn't put myself or my daughter at risk
                      - wouldn't change who I fundamentally am.

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                        #26
                        I wouldn't hurt a loved one
                        I wouldn't give up sex
                        I wouldn't put up with recreational drug use
                        I wouldn't stay in the relationship if I was completely alone emotionally/physically I've already paid my dues on that part, 5 years of it so I'm good.

                        Notes:
                        Met: 8.17.09
                        Started Dating: 8.20.09
                        First Met: 10.2.10
                        Closed the Distance: 8.9.14

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                          #27
                          The nobrainer: I definitely wouldn't let him force or abuse me to do anything. Maturing and growing as a person over the years, especially with the positive influence from someone dear, is a good thing - But forced change isn't. I'm a person with a strong sense of justice and honesty, and I've had to endure enough abuse in my life. I'm done with that. No putting up with abuse of any shape or form, end of story. A relationship that's not built on genuine respect and trust is not one I'm going to have.

                          More personally for me, I wouldn't convert to a religion, stop having my sex life, or tolerate regular alcohol or drug use. I'm openminded to a lot of things, but those are just no-gos for me on a very personal level.

                          ~
                          It'll take a lot more than words and guns
                          A whole lot more than riches and muscle
                          The hands of the many must join as one
                          And together we'll cross the river

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                            #28
                            Pretty sure meatloaf was talking about cheating. I love meatloaf!

                            There are very few things I would consider "hard no's".

                            I wouldn't put my children in danger.
                            I wouldn't give up my family or religion. Nor would I let him choose my friends (though I'm open to some limitations.)
                            I would not date a smoker, and I'm generally not ok with drugs, more than occasional drinking, or gambling, but I would bend a little before I let it break the relationship.
                            I wouldn't put up with a significant increase in weight or significant decrease in personal hygiene. (No, I'm not a fat hater or anything of the sort.)
                            I wouldn't give up sex.

                            I think my big one is:
                            I wouldn't permanently relocate to his country.
                            Yes, judge away. I'm cool with that.
                            Happily married to the little Canadian boy I never thought I'd meet in person

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                              #29
                              No worries about judging - I think if it absolutely HAD to be, I could settle for living in the US, but I really truly don't want to. I can't express how happy I am that he loves Europe and always wanted to move there, relationship or not. I love travelling to the US, but I'm just too passionate about a lot of issues the place has that would bother the hell out of me if I had to live there.

                              ~
                              It'll take a lot more than words and guns
                              A whole lot more than riches and muscle
                              The hands of the many must join as one
                              And together we'll cross the river

                              Comment


                                #30
                                I wouldn't start eating meat (life-long vegetarian and not exactly for religious/ethical/health reasons)
                                Wouldn't go to a church/temple/mosque/etc. or raise future children to be religious
                                Wouldn't give up pursuing my education/career to stay at home or coddle his ego
                                Wouldn't start dressing or styling myself in ways that I wasn't comfortable with
                                Wouldn't tolerate any kind of cheating

                                Married: June 9th, 2015

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