Helpful Advice?

[Britt6]

So about 3months ago I left my home in the US to come spend 6 months herein the UK with my SO. Everything started so perfect. Now as time passes we have began fighting. While I was home he was always going out with friends, now since Ive been here he barely leaves his flat so I start getting stir crazy. I dont know anyone here I really dont want to go out on my own. Im also now over 4000 miles away from my 5 year old son, I know that doesnt help my own stress I get pretty depressed missing him. Anyways our biggest issues are we are having trouble adjusting to actually being together any tips advice on how to settle and compromise better to ease the fighting some? Ive tried everything I can think of to stop it, maybe im going about it all wrong, so any and all advice could be helpful. I really dont want what we have to come to an end over something as dumb as small fights that mean nothing :/

[differentcountries]

It may be that he went out with his friends to have something to do while you were away, but now that you are there he really wants just to be with you. You might try to explain to him taht you are interested in getting to know his friends and if you all could hang out that would be fine. That way he can be with you while you can all be social. It is all right for him to take a little break from his local social life, but you are going to feel very lonely if you don't get to know anybody.

[Britt6]

Even here we still do nothing anymore, we are both gamers he dont even play stuff with me no more, he sits one place(way from me) does stuff on his laptop, and im just sitting here lonely and bored, The more time passes we seem to get further apart. Even cuddling and intimacy has changed. He sleeps one side me the other.. Ive already told him all this even that its starting to feel like i flew all this way to feel like his "roomate" After each talk it gets better for maybe a couple days then back to the same again :/ Im really at a loss on what to do.

[Moon]

Here is my helpful advice, whether you like it or not...go home, you have a child there waiting while you are pursuing selfish dreams that aren't even making you happy. I don't feel bad for you, I feel bad for your son, you chose some guy over him, and left him behind. Go home where you belong, you decided to have a child, you don't get to do whatever you want anymore. I'm not at all concerned if this offends you, either.

[Britt6]

You dont offend me at all,first and foremost because you know nothing of my child or the situation, with or without children everyone deserves happiness, I never said I wasnt happy here or with him. We only seem to have a bit of trouble getting used to not living alone is all. Unlike most women that use their children as weapons against the father that did them wrong I refuse to keep him from his father as its wrong, My child began his first year of school this year and the 3of us, Me, my childs father and my child sat down together and my son chose to stay with his father because he wanted to be in school with his siblings (his fathers other kids). So either way he would have been away. So maybe before you pass judgement on something you dont know, you should maybe not dive in and indulge on being rude.

[differentcountries]

Even here we still do nothing anymore, we are both gamers he dont even play stuff with me no more, he sits one place(way from me) does stuff on his laptop, and im just sitting here lonely and bored, The more time passes we seem to get further apart. Even cuddling and intimacy has changed. He sleeps one side me the other.. Ive already told him all this even that its starting to feel like i flew all this way to feel like his "roomate" After each talk it gets better for maybe a couple days then back to the same again :/ Im really at a loss on what to do.

It sounds like your fairytale is over.

[snow]

This reminds me painfully of my last relationship. We struggled 4 years to close the distance and then when we lived together, we would rarely do anything together anymore. We were both constantly bored and the passion we once had was gone.

I really think you two need to get out more. Any reason why he is not seeing his friends anymore? Would he feel guilty leaving you at home?
All I can suggest is going out, alone or with him. Sitting at home 24/7 is not good for you. My fiance and I are both big gamers, but we still met his friends once a week, played magic with his dad and sister every 2 weeks and went on a stroll every other day. Maybe suggest something like that or plan ahead for a picnic or just a simple date. It's easy to fall into routines and forget about the romance when you're together all day, so maybe a date night could spice things up.

[Britt6]

Thank You Snow,

We talked abit and we actually have a trip planned for this weekend. Kinda a double date of sorts. to be honest I think alot of it is me, I've worked since 16 and now Im here I cant legally work or do much to contribute, Makes me feel abit useless, I think its things like that that push small fights. I hope you're right tho maybe some timeout will make us both feel better. Its not us as a couple when we can find comfort in things we are perfect, I have no doubts in our future and I dont regret my choice to be here. I was just hoping for adviceto get past the small disagreements that I'm sure come between everyone at some point

[Moon]

You dont offend me at all,first and foremost because you know nothing of my child or the situation, with or without children everyone deserves happiness, I never said I wasnt happy here or with him. We only seem to have a bit of trouble getting used to not living alone is all. Unlike most women that use their children as weapons against the father that did them wrong I refuse to keep him from his father as its wrong, My child began his first year of school this year and the 3of us, Me, my childs father and my child sat down together and my son chose to stay with his father because he wanted to be in school with his siblings (his fathers other kids). So either way he would have been away. So maybe before you pass judgement on something you dont know, you should maybe not dive in and indulge on being rude.

Oh no, I most certainly will "dive in and indulge on being rude" whenever I feel it's warranted. Those are all great excuses, but you still left your young child to go live with some dude in another country. School or not, don't you think he misses his mother? Six months is a VERY long time in the life of a 5 year old. I will pass judgement whenever I feel like it, get off your high horse, everyone judges. As a former single mother, I would have never put my wants over my child's needs. Too bad more people don't feel that way.

[snow]

Thank You Snow,

We talked abit and we actually have a trip planned for this weekend. Kinda a double date of sorts. to be honest I think alot of it is me, I've worked since 16 and now Im here I cant legally work or do much to contribute, Makes me feel abit useless, I think its things like that that push small fights. I hope you're right tho maybe some timeout will make us both feel better. Its not us as a couple when we can find comfort in things we are perfect, I have no doubts in our future and I dont regret my choice to be here. I was just hoping for adviceto get past the small disagreements that I'm sure come between everyone at some point

There was a time when I was constantly nagging at him over the smallest things and I didn't even notice. They were just things that bothered me and I told him, but to him it felt like everyday was another problem. We had an argument a day and it was just really annoying for the both of us. He felt like I was just constantly unhappy and all he did was not good enough to make me happy and I felt like I can't help out at all because he is working and I am lazy at home (though I was doing household chores and stuff). We had a bigger fight where all this came out and we made up. Who knows, maybe you are nagging, maybe he feels nagged at, maybe you two need to fight it out and go from there.

[Britt6]

Thank you I do appreciate the advice Snow.

[Noodle]

Oh no, I most certainly will "dive in and indulge on being rude" whenever I feel it's warranted. Those are all great excuses, but you still left your young child to go live with some dude in another country. School or not, don't you think he misses his mother? Six months is a VERY long time in the life of a 5 year old. I will pass judgement whenever I feel like it, get off your high horse, everyone judges. As a former single mother, I would have never put my wants over my child's needs. Too bad more people don't feel that way.

^Sorry I had to reply. I couldn't agree more to this. I currently have a 6 year old daughter and there would be no way I could be separated from my daughter for six days, let alone six months. And I know my SO would feel so guilty and wouldn't allow it if it was for him. Do you even know how much they change and grow when they are so young? You are missing out on a lot. Even if he is staying with his father, you should still be around to see him and watch him grow on a regular bases. And the fact you have 'full time mommy' on your profile is ironic. Full time mothers do not take six months vacation. Please go back home to your son. =/

[Britt6]

There is a big difference in a LDR between a few states and a different country, We do intend on getting married and him coming to Texas however even to get visa's there has tobe proof of the 2meeting in person and alot more. While my son is with his father I dont see him anyways so I should sit home..be lonely & depressed still without my son... rather than try to sort out things so my Fiance can come be with me full time? Trust me I hate being away from my son, I skype him alot Mail back gifts for Christmas and stuff, I've not abandoned him I have the same contact with him here as I would at home. Altho this way I'm able to sort out things needed to make my family full.. rather than cry everynight being without my son and my fiance.. Without knowing every detail its easy to see it the wrong way if you understand..cool if you dont sorry

[silvermoonfairy3]

I have the same contact with him here as I would at home.

You're never allowed to see your child in person or hug him at home? You don't get to go to his school plays or t-ball games?

Sorry, but it's not the same. Especially for the kid, and I say that from experience. As the child of separated parents, I lived with my dad and my mom was as close as a few towns over (not another country) and she still missed tons of day to day things, mostly because she was self-absorbed and working on things with the guy she was living with.

Separated parents can both be pretty involved with kids and make things work well, but usually only when they're still prioritizing the kid.

I remember when my dad died several years back, and my mom took my younger brother and sister (in their teens at the time) food shopping. She had no idea what they even liked to eat. They had grown up without her noticing, while she was busy with her own life, even though she stopped by, went to school plays, had Christmas dinner with them, etc.
While she tried to connect with them based on her notion of who they were when she had left when they were younger, they had moved on, felt much closer to my dad, and didn't really have an association with her as a parent they grew up with. Kids change very fast, and not being there through the changes affects them.

[dglynn77]

So about 3months ago I left my home in the US to come spend 6 months herein the UK with my SO. Everything started so perfect. Now as time passes we have began fighting. While I was home he was always going out with friends, now since Ive been here he barely leaves his flat so I start getting stir crazy. I dont know anyone here I really dont want to go out on my own. Im also now over 4000 miles away from my 5 year old son, I know that doesnt help my own stress I get pretty depressed missing him. Anyways our biggest issues are we are having trouble adjusting to actually being together any tips advice on how to settle and compromise better to ease the fighting some? Ive tried everything I can think of to stop it, maybe im going about it all wrong, so any and all advice could be helpful. I really dont want what we have to come to an end over something as dumb as small fights that mean nothing :/

Here's a question: could it be money that is keeping him from going out with friends? Is he solely supporting you both while you are visiting?
I ask because if he doesn't have money to keep up those activities, that could be why he is down and not eager to go out.
Have you met his friends? Did you all get along well so he would feel comfortable taking you out with him?

Regarding your child, I have no children so I won't say anything except that there are quite a few parents on this forum, and a lot of them, including Moon, have put their children before closing the distance. No one wants to be in an LDR, but they would rather be there for their child/children rather than close the distance with their love and be LDR with their child. That is how strongly they feel for and love their child, so that is why their response is very strong. Just thought maybe an explanation would help?

Also, have you tried gaming alone to see if he will join you? Have you made any friends/ hobbies so you can be doing something during the day that will 1. Give you time to miss each other and 2. Give you something to talk about when you are together?