First ever LDR, with an introvert; struggling for clarity.

[Cityfan]

Hi folks,
I don't normally post on forums about my personal life...but here goes.
I live on the West coast, she lives on the East Coast.

Middle of this year, I was at my friends' wedding (two close longtime friends of mine got married). There, I met the cousin of the bride, and we INSTANTLY clicked.
I was going through a difficult time at work at the time and could not come see her. I ended up inviting her to my close friend's wedding up in NYC in August, and she agreed.
We spent an amazing weekend together, first at the wedding, then white water rafting 1 on 1 the following day. I came to her door with a HUGE teddy bear, flowers for her, and flowers for her mother (she's finishign school in a few months). We kissed, yadayada, and she asked me to go to NYC with her again as our second date.

Second date time comes around, but I had to postpone 2 weeks ago, and she had was caring, understanding, and comforting, saying she'd come see me in NYC no matter when I could make it.
We settled on a new date, which is in 2 weeks...and I was able to 100% confirm that I would be able to go.


Now, the issues:
She's very introverted, and admitted straight up to me that she doesnt communicate well. She sometimes doesnt answer her friends for 3-4 hrs on end.
If I call her spontaneously, she doesnt pick up the phone, and either texts later or calls. However, she is a completely different person, a ball of fire, yet a cute, romantic, sweet girl, when we Skype once a week.

The issue I am struggling to understand, is...why am I doing ALL the initiating. In the span of 4 months, she initiated by suggesting we go white water rafting on day 2 of our first date, and maybe has initiated conversaiton with me once if I didnt message her for 2-3 days. I don't want to feel like I'm being strung along, and yet I know she's an introvert.
Some people around me thinks its odd that she doesnt skype with me more than once or twice a week, some other people say its perfectly fine. I'm struggling, because I want to ask her to formally be exclusive in NYC, as it is our favourite city in the world. I know she isnt seeing anyone as is, and a girl wouldnt waste her time with an LDR with a guy if she wasnt interested, at least that's my take on it.

I'm constantly afraid to be clingy. Last week she was sick, tired, and stressed...so I gave her space, and over the weekend she became talkative and lively again via text. Iv sent her simple romantic messages, saying "miss you", or little things here and there. When she went through a rough patch at school I had an edible arrangement delivered to her home. This week she feels sick/tired again and asked to postpone our skype date, and when I suggested to skype tomorrow she wholeheartedly agreed. I texted her today simply saying I hope she is feeling better and got some sleep, but I constantly second-guess what I say to her when we don't skype. Over skype, its so easy and we just mesh. When we aren't skyping im constantly afraid I'm messaging too much or coming on too strong if I message her every other day or so, I'm just confused because it is so topsy-turvy.

Any advice would be appreciated. Does she like me?Does she not and is having trouble saying no?
Based on the fact that she kissed me multiple times during the course of our first date, offered the NYC trip, was so understanding when I postponed our trip, and isnt seeing anyone else I want to believe she does like me. Am I being delusional?

[differentcountries]

I think you know the answers to these questions. She likes you a lot, yet she is not always keen on talking right away. You give her spare and so when you speak she can put her heart into it. It is fall, everybody is a little sick. Hang in there and you will get to know her even better on your next visit.

[Cityfan]

I think you know the answers to these questions. She likes you a lot, yet she is not always keen on talking right away. You give her spare and so when you speak she can put her heart into it. It is fall, everybody is a little sick. Hang in there and you will get to know her even better on your next visit.

Thank you for your response. That's the problem...I have no idea. My gut says she likes me, and I know very well that I very much like her. I just wish I could figure out where to draw the line between...I sound clingy and emphatuated, and caring about her. Logic would indicate...if she continues to respond, then there's nothing to worry about; and she has said before that I have nothing to worry about with her. But that could simply be her being nice. I guess I just have to wait it out and take it from there. I think the biggest reason I am struggling with it all is because when we meet up in about 2.5 weeks, it will have been 2 months since we last saw each other at the wedding.

[snow]

She's an introvert, so I think what you two do is absolutely fine. She is not blowing you off and you are respecting her boundaries. She probably doesn't initiate the talks, because for introverts social interactions are draining. I am an introvert and sometimes even talking to my fiance is too draining for me. It's not because I don't like him, it's because I need peace and quiet to feel at ease. I enjoy all the time we spend together, but I needed him to understand that I am not a big talker and I rather spend our time in silence. I never blow him off when he wants to talk, but I prefer to stay quiet if there is nothing to say and I show my affection through gestures rather than words - he accepted that and we're pretty happy :P

I would not worry so much about what is "right" or "normal". How often you two Skype, is between you two and no one else. Some people do it daily, some people do it once a week, some do it only for special occasions and all those people are right. You do it when you feel like doing it. I am part of the latter - we Skype when there is a special occasion like an anniversary, valentine's day, birthday or if either of us want to show the other person something, but I also know a couple who didn't like Skyping before they met in person and now do it at least once or twice a week. Don't compare yourself to other people and just do what feels right to the both of you.

[Cityfan]

She's an introvert, so I think what you two do is absolutely fine. She is not blowing you off and you are respecting her boundaries. She probably doesn't initiate the talks, because for introverts social interactions are draining. I am an introvert and sometimes even talking to my fiance is too draining for me. It's not because I don't like him, it's because I need peace and quiet to feel at ease. I enjoy all the time we spend together, but I needed him to understand that I am not a big talker and I rather spend our time in silence. I never blow him off when he wants to talk, but I prefer to stay quiet if there is nothing to say and I show my affection through gestures rather than words - he accepted that and we're pretty happy :P

I would not worry so much about what is "right" or "normal". How often you two Skype, is between you two and no one else. Some people do it daily, some people do it once a week, some do it only for special occasions and all those people are right. You do it when you feel like doing it. I am part of the latter - we Skype when there is a special occasion like an anniversary, valentine's day, birthday or if either of us want to show the other person something, but I also know a couple who didn't like Skyping before they met in person and now do it at least once or twice a week. Don't compare yourself to other people and just do what feels right to the both of you.

Snow,
Very valid points, thank you for your breakdown. I'm not familiar with dating introverts, let alone dating in general has never been my forte.
I don't need her to be a big talker, initiator or anything. The occasional cues I get are more than enough for me.
I feel like I'm letting my parents get in my head, while my friends are all saying things are going fine. I may suggest/ask if she'd like to skype more often, but I definitely won't push.
Yes, just anxiously awaiting our trip to NYC, I have a number of romantic yet extremely fun things planned tailored to her interests/tastes.
20 days and counting.

[Cityfan]

Have I done too much by just texting her:hope you are feeling better today, got some sleep, and are having a good day?
The introversion does not bother me in the least, in fact I enjoy dating by actions vs talking...it makes travel/adventure/experiencing things together exciting.
However, I just wish I knew what to do and what not to do.

When I came to her door with the teddy bear, sent her the edible arrangement with a card, or say sweet, romantic things, she blushes, and says awww, thank you so much, nobody has ever done something like this for me, etc etc!! But given her introversion, is a text message asking her how she is feeling crowding her or being caring?

[Redheart14]

Have I done too much by just texting her:hope you are feeling better today, got some sleep, and are having a good day?
The introversion does not bother me in the least, in fact I enjoy dating by actions vs talking...it makes travel/adventure/experiencing things together exciting.
However, I just wish I knew what to do and what not to do.

When I came to her door with the teddy bear, sent her the edible arrangement with a card, or say sweet, romantic things, she blushes, and says awww, thank you so much, nobody has ever done something like this for me, etc etc!! But given her introversion, is a text message asking her how she is feeling crowding her or being caring?

if that's the only text you've sent today I don't think it crowding her. I think you're doing fine. Maybe once you meet up again you can talk about this and get her to tell you what is too much and enough in terms of texting. Then you'll know her boundaries and won't have to worry yourself.

[Cityfan]

if that's the only text you've sent today I don't think it crowding her. I think you're doing fine. Maybe once you meet up again you can talk about this and get her to tell you what is too much and enough in terms of texting. Then you'll know her boundaries and won't have to worry yourself.

Redheart, that is fair. And she just replied back, after 7 hours, and invited me to skype tonight. Im not pressuring her, just being supportive, asking and listening without prodding. Doing romantic, cute things for her in between.
We definitely operate on two different communication wavelengths but have so much in common and have incredible physical chemistry.

[Redheart14]

Redheart, that is fair. And she just replied back, after 7 hours, and invited me to skype tonight. Im not pressuring her, just being supportive, asking and listening without prodding. Doing romantic, cute things for her in between.
We definitely operate on two different communication wavelengths but have so much in common and have incredible physical chemistry.

Seems like all is going ok then. Good to hear

[Cityfan]

Seems like all is going ok then. Good to hear

Thank you for the support. Aside from the communication discrepancy, she really is my perfect gal.
It's just very difficult sometimes to get out of my own head (I am not one to fall hard for a gal often. When I do I become a blundering buffoon).

[Redheart14]

Thank you for the support. Aside from the communication discrepancy, she really is my perfect gal.
It's just very difficult sometimes to get out of my own head (I am not one to fall hard for a gal often. When I do I become a blundering buffoon).

No worries, glad I could help.
I know what you mean, I still get tongue tied and have butterflies when I see my SO.

[ronjaandbirk]

I'm an introvert too and I have to agree with everyone else and say that I think you are doing just fine. If it worries you too much you can always ask her about it and express how you feel.. just ddont do it again and again or it will be really draining and if you she already reassured you about this you absolutely dont have to worry. We introverts really just need space and its nothing personal at all, ever!!!!

[Cityfan]

I'm an introvert too and I have to agree with everyone else and say that I think you are doing just fine. If it worries you too much you can always ask her about it and express how you feel.. just ddont do it again and again or it will be really draining and if you she already reassured you about this you absolutely dont have to worry. We introverts really just need space and its nothing personal at all, ever!!!!

Thank you for the reply. I don't intend on bringing it up at all, im just going at her pace and will continue to do so.
At a later date, perhaps I'll bring it up. In the meantime, I may suggest to skype twice a week, but won't push the issue whatsoever.

The first thing she stated today was that she postponed our skype date yesterday because she was in bed, and was feeling too sick to even talk, and felt horrible about being distant this past week. I of course had no issue with it, and said I really appreciated her explaining, even though she absolutely did not have to.

Things are good. 20 days, 20 days!!

[differentcountries]

I think the biggest reason I am struggling with it all is because when we meet up in about 2.5 weeks, it will have been 2 months since we last saw each other at the wedding.

That is pretty much like my boyfriend and me. We met at my short holiday and my first visit to him was after 9 weeks. It will probably be strange, but nice to see her!

[Cityfan]

18 days. Man this is tough. I do think I will eventually broach the topic of communication, but for now things are great.i do wish she would initiate conversation more often, but I have no problem doing it myself...when we talk/Skype we can talk for an hour or two nonstop.

Definitely worried about asking her to be exclusive in 18 days...and then the eventual asking her to move to CA with me.she has family here so it wouldn't be too hard a transition...but a very serious topic.

Uncertain,nerve wracking times ahead. Don't know why I'm flipping a lid about it...she seems so calm and collected about our future prospects