Post visit blues

[Polly]

My boyfriend just left after a week long visit. I feel sick to my stomach like I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. It's so hard to get used to not having him near me, hugging me, the whole experience of sharing activities and being physically near each other. Do any of you feel this terrible after a visit? It takes me a while to get used to going back to our long distance routine after a visit. He doesn't show it, although he says it's hard for him too. I don't know how to not stop missing him. Maybe it's normal to feel this way after a visit, but the ups and downs are hard. The high of seeing each other followed by the down of having to say good bye...

I try to keep busy like focusing on reading because I love to read, and have a long reading list. I also like to make scrapbooks so my plan is to make a sketchbook/scrapbook of inspirational pictures.
I also love watching movies, so I find after a visit I am on netflix a lot. I also do a lot of tidying and cleaning at home and seeing friends.

Sometimes though, during slow or quiet days I miss my boyfriend so much. Especially after saying our goodbyes today. I tried to not get too upset, and we plan on another visit for Christmas which is only two months away. The only hard thing is after Christmas I don't really have any vacation time left to take from work, so we will go for several months with no visits.

After a visit, and the sadness that inevitably comes after, what do you do to not go crazy with despair?

[R&R]

I personally restrict myself. After a visit is over, I allow myself one day to cry, wallow, be miserable, etc. But after that, though I still miss him terribly, I just don't allow myself any more of that behavior. I put myself full swing back into my life that continues whether he is here or not - kids, family, friends, my job & my book group. I stay busy with all of that. I spend time planning our next visit. Now we're working more on closing the distance and we think we can do it next year. I put my focus on what's to come, not the fact that we're not together at this exact moment. I admit, right now with a visit coming soon, my patience is wearing thin and I just want it NOW.

I know just because it works for me, it won't work for everyone. Sometimes people think I'm cold. It's just how I deal with it.

[AlluringAlias]

My boyfriend just returned back to NY on Saturday (I Live in FL), after a week long vacation here. I understand your pain. I broke down, because it hurt so much. This was the second time I had to let him go and say goodbye. That evening, I cried and cried. I bawled in my car at the airport... came home and could barely function I was so miserable and depressed. Later that night when he got home from his flight we got on the web cam to tell each other "I love you" but neither one of us could stay on long, knowing just a few hours prior, we were in each other's arms, and now we were behind a pixelated screen again. All we can do is wait for the next moments to have one another in our arms again. Until then, I have to focus on my life here, just as he does there.

I focus on my eBay business. Inventory management, etc. I also write and draw, too. I spend a lot of my time finding activities or places to go. I spend a lot of time at Star Bucks, because the hustle and bustle occupies my mind. Music helps me a lot, too.

Communication is key, for us at least.... stay in contact as much as you possibly can, even if it's just to ask how their day was. It helps ease the pain of not having them near you....at least for us. Until night time... where we've gotten so used to falling asleep in each other's arms, now we just fall asleep on web cam.

[differentcountries]

Yes, it is that hard. And the hardest thing too is seeing him sad or that special cold look he gets sometimes from missing me. I find I get quickly naturally cold, that helps me get on with daily life. Work, friends, hobbies, workout, Skype, is all helpful. Sometimes I make cards, books or gifts. Lately we have been bonding over a certain cat! SO will be like: we both miss you...

[TaraMarie]

We see each other two to four times a month, and it's no easier. Even though we are lucky to have weekends together, by Tuesdays I am so sad and angry that he isn't here....... It's been two and a half years, and it doesn't get easier for me....

[Redheart14]

Why don't you make him a care package or something? It's something for him and it'll keep you busy.

[Mollyisawalrus]

My boyfriend and I recently attempted to close the distance, and I was out there with him for 3 months, but I couldn't find a job and had to come back home. I've been back for about 3 days, and because of his job, we haven't been able to talk much. I really feel what you say about having to get used to him not being there anymore. It sucks and I hate it and everything feels wrong.
(He lives in S. California, I live in Massachusetts).

[Ahava]

Yes. It's been two weeks and I still feel depressed. This has been the hardest time after a visit so far.

[Mollyisawalrus]

I have one of his shirts next to my pillow that smells like him.

[VeraRyan]

I returned from my visit last tuesday. I had been preparing myself for the deep low I was affraid of. After my SO left in june I was so depressed. I couldn't even enjoy the things I normally loved doing because all I could think was: it would've been more fun with him here. This time I feel so much better though! Of course it's still sad but like you, I will see him in 8 weeks. He is coming here from dec 20th til jan 1st. After that we don't know when we'll see each other because of vacation days like you. Again, I am preparing myself for how sad I will be then. I think the difference too is that this time I cried with my SO. We shared the sadness of being apart before I left. When I came back I just fell back in my old routine. I'd say: surround yourself with friends and share your sadness with your SO, in person. It helps!