A deadline and a word to the wise...

[squiddie]

I have told very rudely on here that they won't be like me and divorced....and that to me is very very hurtful.

NEVER EVER did I say that every relationship will fall apart eventually. I never said that is the way ALL relationships work out. Never did I say that you had to carry the pain for my relationship screw ups.

I always like hearing what you have to say. You have experience.

Like you said before, no one goes into marriage thinking they'll get divorced...ideally I wouldn't even entertain the possibility, and I know it would wreck me.

I'm not as cheerful and optimistic as most of the people here; my relationship has problems, fortunately ones we have worked out or are in the process of resolving. I like seeing that you've come out the other side of a divorce in a healthy and stable way, and have found yourself capable of loving another person fully as well. That gives me more hope than most other things on this site.

[paulawriteslove]

*hugs* Take a deep breath, everything will fall into place Patience is a virtue

[Karringtyn]

I always like hearing what you have to say. You have experience.

Like you said before, no one goes into marriage thinking they'll get divorced...ideally I wouldn't even entertain the possibility, and I know it would wreck me.

I'm not as cheerful and optimistic as most of the people here; my relationship has problems, fortunately ones we have worked out or are in the process of resolving. I like seeing that you've come out the other side of a divorce in a healthy and stable way, and have found yourself capable of loving another person fully as well. That gives me more hope than most other things on this site.

thank you so very much.

It hasn't been easy. I loved my husband...but with walls. I never really gave him ME. I didn't know how to. Years of anorexia had robbed me of self confidence...I was very co-dependant on him. When I decided to leave that marriage it took every ounce in me..to give me a better life...him a better life.,..and our beautiful babies a better life. our relationship was ridden with many problems right from the start...majority of them mine...

BUt that is then and this is now. I had to let go. Focus ON ME. Feel, heal, and deal. Truly open up to who I was...get complete in ME before I could give to ANYONE.

My love has opened up a mushy gushy side of me. A side that has walls down...arms wide open...and a heart so full of love and promise....it just took me till I was 41 to get to this point.

Do I think first loves last??? Of course some do.
Do I regret anything? OMG NO.

I am such a better person for having married and been with my ex....despite any problems we went through...I grew...and I am here today...about to marry the man I truly feel I was made for....

Here I am..on a tangent...haha I love to talk...can you tell?!

[agentholli]

I totally agree with everything you said.
I didn't get married to eventually end up divorced..i thought it would last forever..and i also didn't know what I was talking about. I was 20 when I married...21 when I had my first baby. Too young..we grew apart and life happened. and he had his problems..hence my post..

I am sorry that people are being mean. I hate it when people think that they can throw that comment in your face...like we planned to get divorced. *rolling eyes*

[Silviar]

I'm sorry, Karr, I didn't realize someone had done that. Sometimes people need to chose their words more carefully, but unfortunately, people have a tendency to shoot off the first thing they think and hit respond without considering their words.

I've had people who've said similar things to me about my divorce, but the fact is, no one knows how painful, embarrassing, and difficult a divorce is. I never, EVER went into my marriage thinking we'd get divorced. I didn't want to get divorced, but after a half dozen attempts to get him into counseling, begging, trying to 'suck it up' and deal with it because 'that's how marriages are', and eventually losing all of my pride and backbone... no one would choose that path. And no one can know how degrading it is until you've been through it.

[squiddie]

I am such a better person for having married and been with my ex....despite any problems we went through...I grew...and I am here today...about to marry the man I truly feel I was made for....

That's how I feel about my past. Yeah, it sucked for a good part of it, but I look back now and it made me who I am. Being abused made me realize I deserved better (even if I didn't think so at the time), being with a boyfriend simply because he was there made me see that's a horrible reason, being with another boyfriend who told me straight up that he wouldn't love me let me see that I should be with someone who does.

So I'm not in my first relationship, but it's definitely the healthiest one I've ever had. I can say how I feel, I can be apart from him and it's okay. And I know that I don't have to put up with being hit, assaulted, and called stupid. So while I may have made some terrible decisions in the past...they led me to this right one, and that's what really matters.

That's how I see it at least.

[greeneyes]

Wow! You sound so much like me. I hate when people say forever or a lifetime! There is no forever unless you both die at the exact same time. I think that when we are young we are often blinded by the bliss of being in love and tend to forget the harsh realities of life. Bad things happen all the time that we have no control over. Love does not conquer all. I was 21 when I met my husband. With him for eight years till he died of sudden cardiac arrest on our bedroom floor. People die, people cheat, people fall out of love... Things can and statistically will eventually happen leaving us totally unprepaired and absolutely blindsided.

Like you, we also have a date set as to when I would ideally be moved down south with him. We also have a wedding date set. However, because this is all subject to when I can get my loose ends tied up and be able to move, we know that these "deadlines" are far from set in stone. All we can do is be strong and know that eventually though most likely not in the timeline we envisioned we will be together.