A girl invited me to her dorm. help!

[D4Joseph]

So there is a girl I met at school and she's nothing more than a friend. She's in a ldr too so we became friends off that. For some odd reason every time she's drunk she messages me other than that we never really interact. So she called me & claimed to be sober & invited me to her dorm. She said she'll have some alcohol but if she doesn't she recommended I bring some. All of this is dangerous to my relationship. I know it's even wrong that I'm considering it. What should I do? Should I go tomorrow? Do you think she legit wants to just chill? Best case scenarios? Worst case scenarios?

[Redheart14]

I think you answered that yourself saying it's dangerous to your relationship. Think of it if your gf was in your shoes? Would you be ok with her going? I think it's fraught with danger. I wouldn't go.

[Lissy]

You seem to know what would happen if you were to go, so I don't think you need anyone's help with this.
Just be prepared to take responsibility for the choices you make.

[D4Joseph]

Part of me is giving her the benefit of the doubt and saying because she knows we're both in relationships she wouldn't do that. The other part of me says it's dangerous.

[binabinamochachi]

If you think it's dangerous...just stay away. Do you want to possibly destroy 3 relationships? The one with her so and her, the one between you two, and the one between you and your so. Is it worth it? I think not, but it is your choice.

[squeeker]

Stay a way. At the very least, do not drink alcohol. It could be totally innocent.. but if you have any doubts about it I think you should listen to your instincts. And whatever you do, be honest with your SO and tell her your feelings about things so you can work things out together. I don't know how long you have been together with your SO and how reactive she would be but just think about how you would feel if the situation were reversed. My SO drinks alcohol free beer which he started recently because he doesn't drink alcohol but the situation this year with his increased socialization with floor mates who drink kinda made him want to try it.. anyway just be careful. Make sure you know where the boundaries are.. maybe you can hang out with her and other floor mates or at the very least don't drink alcohol with her, even if she drinks, so that you have a clear mind. Anyway I'm rambling. but if you want to keep your relationship, be careful around this girl and confide in your girlfriend if you do anything because it would be worse if you hid it.

[Quinlan]

What about the plain and simple NO when she wants more than you are willing to 'give'?

[whatruckus]

So there is a girl I met at school and she's nothing more than a friend. She's in a ldr too so we became friends off that. For some odd reason every time she's drunk she messages me other than that we never really interact. So she called me & claimed to be sober & invited me to her dorm. She said she'll have some alcohol but if she doesn't she recommended I bring some. All of this is dangerous to my relationship. I know it's even wrong that I'm considering it. What should I do? Should I go tomorrow? Do you think she legit wants to just chill? Best case scenarios? Worst case scenarios?

If she only messages you when she's drunk, you're nothing more than someone she wants to have booty calls with and be Friends-With-Benefits with, regardless if both of you are in relationships. You obviously have an inkling that she might want to do "other things" than just hang out, or you wouldn't be asking what to do. I think you know what to do. If you want to ruin your relationship (and probably this girl's), and cause trust issues with your SO, go for it. If you want to be smart, and not hurt anyone, stop talking to her. Plain and simple.

To you, she's probably "nothing more than a friend", but to her...she's obviously attracted to you. I hate to say it, but even if you try to give her the "benefit of the doubt", you still can't trust her. Think about it. Only talks to you when she's drunk? And, even if she's "sober" she's telling you that she's going to have alcohol and if she doesn't, she wants you to bring some? Um, what?

If you're considering it, as you say, then you obviously need to work something out in your relationship and talk to your SO, maybe lack of communication or affection, or something, because it seems like you're trying to seek that from this girl. So, in my honest opinion, I really don't think you think of her as "just a friend" if you're considering hanging out at her dorm, drinking, when you're both in relationships.

[conejita_hada]

Suggest hanging out somewhere else. If you think she's a neat person to have as a friend, and you can connect by both being in LDRs, tell her "sorry, no" to alone-time in her dorm with alcohol (because I agree, that's just asking for trouble) and suggest going to a local coffee shop, pizzeria, burger joint, some place that's fun and a neutral hang-out, popular at your uni.

[whatruckus]

Suggest hanging out somewhere else. If you think she's a neat person to have as a friend, and you can connect by both being in LDRs, tell her "sorry, no" to alone-time in her dorm with alcohol (because I agree, that's just asking for trouble) and suggest going to a local coffee shop, pizzeria, burger joint, some place that's fun and a neutral hang-out, popular at your uni.

This could work as well, and you can see what her real intentions are.

Personally, if my SO was considering hanging out with another girl at her place, alone, drinking, I'd be pissed and would think he was going to cheat on me and he was interested in this girl. And, if I was in your position, I wouldn't hang out with that person. I don't put myself in situations that would jeopardize my relationship, or cause my SO to question my intentions.

[differentcountries]

I think the both of you are longing to drown your sorrows together. If you barely know her, getting drunk isn't going to show you what kind of person she is. If you suggest some non alcoholic fun you have a better chance of making a real new friend, like have dinner to share experiences over the ldr. If all you smell is trouble and dont want to meet her, politiely tell her no.

To me, SO can drink with girls alone, he has girls as customers and girls as friends, I trust him to maintain boundries, but of course he wouldn't drink with someone girl he barely knew at their HOUSE (or our flat).

[p_b82]

I agree with other posters that this is a bit of an alarm, but I would skip going to her place and head out somewhere else more public.

I am not in the 'you can't drink or hang out with a girl at her place camp' as I have a number of female friends that I go and hang out with and drink with, and stay at their places at times too. The issue you have is that right now the boundary is not clear, and before you can go to her dorm, you need to be 100% that it is only innocent and will remain so.

You also need to make sure that your SO is in the loop, and is ok enough to trust you to do the right thing.

My GF trusts me, but is jealous*, I trust her but am jealous* when we go out drinking with other people and have fun - but we know that the other is not going to do anything and so there is no reason to stop them having fun and sitting around bored and lonely because we are insecure.

*jealous is not quite the right word, but envy doesn't cut it, something sorta inbetween.

[D4Joseph]

I honestly care about my girlfriend to the fullest. I feel like the worst person alive because I'm torn about this. It definitely doesn't help that my cousin is peer pressuring me to go hangout with her because he doesn't think anything serious will happen. Being honest with myself nothing has really been a problem with my relationship. No sex in awhile but that's natural in a ldr.

[silvermoonfairy3]

I think people are making too big of a deal about it being her dorm room. In college, you're often spending time in each other's dorms. Leave the door propped open, that's pretty common, and will definitely signal to her that nothing's going to happen, without 'accusing' her of wanting something to happen.

The bigger issues are a) if you can control yourself if she *is* interested in something more/if she comes on to you. b) if you're being honest with your gf about hanging out with this girl.

If the answer to both of those is yes, then hanging out in her dorm shouldn't be a problem. If you go and if she DOES try something, make sure she knows you're not interested, and don't go again.
It's entirely possible it's just a platonic hang out and that it's in her dorm because that's convenient and common in college.

[snow]

Put yourself in your SO's shoes - how would you feel if a guy asked her to hang out with her only when he was drunk? How do you think you would see it if that man wants her to hang out and bring booze? Would that be okay for you?

If not, then you should probably not do it. Have you run that by your SO?

When it comes to my relationship, I try not to put myself in situations that could potentially be bad and if I am not sure about a situation, I ask my man what he thinks about it. I think in this situation, I would not go, mostly because alcohol is involved and it can make people make stupid decisions.