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    #1

    Am I being irrational here?

    Hi guys! New here.

    I'm the type of guy who doesn't fall in love easily. It's so hard for me to love,trust someone and I'm quite scared to love someone but now, I've fallen in love with a girl I've never met. She has the same feelings for me and she calls me her "Potential boyfriend".

    The thing is..I get these irrational fears sometimes.
    I'll tell you guys a little bit about her..
    She seems like a very decent girl, she's very hard-working. She never a boyfriend before and she told me I'm her first and she's an introvert and quite type of girl. She likes spending time alone and she doesn't talk to guys a lot. She has a guy friend in college and in her project group and he always ignored her and was mean to her but recently, he started talking to her and is being nice to her all of a sudden. She seems very excited about him talking to her and she told me "He's finally talking to me".She never had a close guy friend or hung out with guys a lot. What if she starts hanging out with him or meet someone else and forget about me.
    This is making me jealous and I've been wondering what if she has crush on him. She told me they're just friends but I'm feeling a bit anxious about losing her. I really like her. Am I being paranoid here?
    Any help would be appreciated.
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    #2
    Hey,
    Trust is a major part in a long distance relationship. You need to have a talk with her stating how you feel and how you want to be in a relationship. No more "potential boyfriend" stuff. Also, with the new guy. Talk to her about him too. Be honest with your feelings. I hope everything works out for the best.

    Comment

      #3
      She just mentioned to me once about the new guy. She told me she gets worried about me meeting someone else too and I've assured her I love her and she's the one for me.
      I would ask her to be my gf but I want to meet her and ask that question in person. I do trust her but I can't help my being paranoid.

      Comment

        #4
        If you're already too paranoid about her mentioning a guy, do you think you will be ok in a long distance relationship? Trust is a HUGE factor with a ldr. You guys really need to talk it out if you want to make it work.

        Comment

          #5
          Originally posted by JohnGoober View Post
          She just mentioned to me once about the new guy. She told me she gets worried about me meeting someone else too and I've assured her I love her and she's the one for me.
          I would ask her to be my gf but I want to meet her and ask that question in person. I do trust her but I can't help my being paranoid.
          I mean, I hate to say it, but you guys aren't in a committed relationship, so technically...she can do what she wants. You can't expect her, or her expect you, to wait around forever...especially if you're not official.

          Comment

            #6
            Originally posted by whatruckus View Post
            I mean, I hate to say it, but you guys aren't in a committed relationship, so technically...she can do what she wants. You can't expect her, or her expect you, to wait around forever...especially if you're not official.
            Yes, we aren't committed yet. I already asked her before to be my gf but we've decided to meet first, then decide.

            Comment

              #7
              She is probably genuinely exited about having a guy as her friend. It is so very limited to have only girls as friends. Have you made a plan to meet her?
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

              Comment

                #8
                If you have both agreed to only commit once you meet, then while it might suck, you can't do anything to 'stop' her if she does fall for some-one close distance.

                My GF and I were in a similar position, mentally committed but we (I) wanted to ask her in person too - but after a while I realised that it is not important, and the commitment was, that was back in July.

                You have to trust some-one, and you have to both know where you stand, you are acting like you are BF/GF but she has referred to you as potential - they are not the same thing unfortunately.

                Also as others have said the trust aspect in an LDR is huge, more so than in a CD relationship. If you become possessive or jealous in time that will wear the relationship thin, and you have to accept that your partner will go and hang out with male or female friends, have fun, let their hair down; and there is nothing that you can do to stop them, and nor should you either. No-one wants to be reminded all the time they are alone, by being forced not to do stuff they might wish to because they don't want to upset their partner.

                Jealously is natural, and by all means communicate your feelings to your (potential)GF but just be careful that you don't come over too strong and she gets a bad vibe from you and you scare her off.

                Comment

                  #9
                  Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
                  She is probably genuinely exited about having a guy as her friend. It is so very limited to have only girls as friends. Have you made a plan to meet her?
                  Yes, I've made a plan to meet her. Also, she seems more worried than me..she asks me often, what if you meet someone else? Will you still like me?
                  She really cares for me. I was feeling down the other night and she left all her plans to talk to me and cheer me up. She says she loves me and is serious about us having a relationship. I know it's risky liking someone I've never met. I talk to female friends in real life and I've never developed any feelings for them.

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Originally posted by p_b82 View Post
                    If you have both agreed to only commit once you meet, then while it might suck, you can't do anything to 'stop' her if she does fall for some-one close distance.

                    My GF and I were in a similar position, mentally committed but we (I) wanted to ask her in person too - but after a while I realised that it is not important, and the commitment was, that was back in July.

                    You have to trust some-one, and you have to both know where you stand, you are acting like you are BF/GF but she has referred to you as potential - they are not the same thing unfortunately.

                    Also as others have said the trust aspect in an LDR is huge, more so than in a CD relationship. If you become possessive or jealous in time that will wear the relationship thin, and you have to accept that your partner will go and hang out with male or female friends, have fun, let their hair down; and there is nothing that you can do to stop them, and nor should you either. No-one wants to be reminded all the time they are alone, by being forced not to do stuff they might wish to because they don't want to upset their partner.

                    Jealously is natural, and by all means communicate your feelings to your (potential)GF but just be careful that you don't come over too strong and she gets a bad vibe from you and you scare her off.
                    Your first part was the point I was making in my post. But, I agree with whole post overall.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      First of all,you need to trust her,trust is the most important thing in a relationship,I hope everything works out for you.

                      Comment

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