Forgive me for the lengthy post. Please bear with me!
My SO is a good man. He's always treated me well. He's been a bit immature at times or been just a tad flakey. But he's good to me. And when we connect it's always lovely. He's been patient with my shortcomings and I with his. I understand that, A. I'm a girl, and B. I'm way better at communicating and I'm all over messaging him, since the beginning, while he takes a more relaxed approach. Although, when I bring things up after just a bit of encouragement to share, he is so good at opening up and talking to me. We've met twice, I went to New Zealand first (had a WONDERFUL time) and he came here to Los Angeles just last month (had some challenges, but worked through them). Things have been well overall in the last few weeks since he's been gone. But things are getting harder. He walked out on his job about two weeks ago, a job he'd only had for a little bit, a job he got after being out of work for a year. He's always down on himself, he dropped out of school as teenager and has had trouble getting and keeping jobs as a result. So even though he made a conscious decision to quit his job (he was miserable), he's feeling depressed. He lives with his family and all of a sudden it seems two of his siblings may be on the road to marriage. And now he's feeling depressed about all the changes and I think loneliness his home environment will now feel. I don't think it's anything to do with him not being married, though in these hard times, he feels especially distant from me. Since he quit his job and began beating himself up about being a loser, no money, no job, not ready for marriage, etc, he's been steadily withdrawing from me. He stood me up one day and again tonight. We planned this at the beginning of the week and to be fair, we took a few days off from each other, mostly to give him some no pressure time to get his thoughts and goals straightened out, so maybe he forgot? I messaged early this afternoon, but appears to not have seen them. I'm always there for him ALWAYS. Have I left myself open to being taken for granted because he knows I'll always be there, forgiving him for not being there when he said he would? Is it wrong to even say that because he's depressed and not taking me for granted at all? Am I being selfish by thinking only of myself when he's going through such a hard time? He knows I love him. I think this is likely a case of him not loving himself, so he's limited in the love he can feel for me and show me. I love him so much. But I don't know what to do right now at this low point in our relationship. I think if we were married would I start feeling like giving up on us? No way! So maybe it's wrong to feel those doubts now. After all, I've felt ready to marry him already. I'm at a loss.
My SO is a good man. He's always treated me well. He's been a bit immature at times or been just a tad flakey. But he's good to me. And when we connect it's always lovely. He's been patient with my shortcomings and I with his. I understand that, A. I'm a girl, and B. I'm way better at communicating and I'm all over messaging him, since the beginning, while he takes a more relaxed approach. Although, when I bring things up after just a bit of encouragement to share, he is so good at opening up and talking to me. We've met twice, I went to New Zealand first (had a WONDERFUL time) and he came here to Los Angeles just last month (had some challenges, but worked through them). Things have been well overall in the last few weeks since he's been gone. But things are getting harder. He walked out on his job about two weeks ago, a job he'd only had for a little bit, a job he got after being out of work for a year. He's always down on himself, he dropped out of school as teenager and has had trouble getting and keeping jobs as a result. So even though he made a conscious decision to quit his job (he was miserable), he's feeling depressed. He lives with his family and all of a sudden it seems two of his siblings may be on the road to marriage. And now he's feeling depressed about all the changes and I think loneliness his home environment will now feel. I don't think it's anything to do with him not being married, though in these hard times, he feels especially distant from me. Since he quit his job and began beating himself up about being a loser, no money, no job, not ready for marriage, etc, he's been steadily withdrawing from me. He stood me up one day and again tonight. We planned this at the beginning of the week and to be fair, we took a few days off from each other, mostly to give him some no pressure time to get his thoughts and goals straightened out, so maybe he forgot? I messaged early this afternoon, but appears to not have seen them. I'm always there for him ALWAYS. Have I left myself open to being taken for granted because he knows I'll always be there, forgiving him for not being there when he said he would? Is it wrong to even say that because he's depressed and not taking me for granted at all? Am I being selfish by thinking only of myself when he's going through such a hard time? He knows I love him. I think this is likely a case of him not loving himself, so he's limited in the love he can feel for me and show me. I love him so much. But I don't know what to do right now at this low point in our relationship. I think if we were married would I start feeling like giving up on us? No way! So maybe it's wrong to feel those doubts now. After all, I've felt ready to marry him already. I'm at a loss.
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