Curious: disagreements when apart and during visits

[Gingerlyme]

Hey guys

I was just curious and was wondering

Do you and your s/o get into disagreements/arguments more in person during visits or more so when apart?
If so, why do you think it's that way


I don't mean like big fights, just small disagreements/arguments

[snow]

I would say slightly more when long distance when text chatting, but we have few disagreements and arguments as is.

[CanadianGirl]

I'd say we argue with the same frequency. It's not incredibly often, but we're both highly opinionated and stubborn, so it has to happen.

While we're LD, we're likely to get into it over some kind of misunderstanding and I tend to feel upset longer, since it's harder to reassure each other with only words. During visits, we tend to start picking on each other because we're attached at the hip. We both like having alone time, but visits don't allow for that. We make up very fast in person though. Hugs and a couple words settle almost everything immediately. I think it might get easier once we actually live together, since we'll both have the room and time to give each other space.

[Alsfia]

We tend to argue a lot more when we're staying with each other's families more than when we are visiting and get to be on our own or when we're long distance, both our families can be quite provocative. We don't really argue much, as long as we're left alone with each other, so while LD it also kind of depends where we are while trying to communicate (with family around our in privacy, our families like to take over Skype at times to say hi, which I suppose is a luxuary problem but it gets weary at times)

[Ahava]

Hard to say, we've had so few disagreements during our time together that I think they can be counted with the fingers on one hand. Maybe apart, because we spend more time apart.
The time together is so rare and precious that who would want to argue/disagree. Also I think we talk more (deeper conversations) when apart.

[p_b82]

Well we've not argued when together, but we have had a lot of misunderstandings over the years, and mostly due to alcohol on either side making the situation worse.

We tend to make up fairly quickly, and while not forgotten, things are forgiven pretty quickly when we get the chance to actually discuss who the scenario affected us, and why it was not acceptable.

We are both very stubborn and strong willed so we will clash on things from time to time - but generally I hate arguments and fighting so normally avoid them. She just turns her phone off/ignores me if I am the one making trouble.

[Mims27]

We seem to disagree more when we're apart. Usually the reason being that we can't read each other properly on IM. So we butt heads about the most stupid crap. Haha

[JaneEmily]

I agree with the others. We only disagree when LD, really because of the strain of being apart and the fact we just want to be together so badly lol. Just last night we had a stupid miscommunication over something, e.g: I said it was a misunderstanding between us, but he was still all "I didn't misunderstand anything" so really, it felt like he was blaming me for it which he didn't mean for it to come across like,.....and we miscommunicated over it but we resolved it after half an hour of being a little stubborn. That's the thing with LDR's, you're more stubborn with "who is in the right and wrong" I think, but as long as you both communicate and talk about it with calm heads then it can be resolved.

We've only really argued a few times when visiting, the last time being upset (in June) over the fact his family were really rude and unsupportive with us being engaged as well as the fact they overstepped the boundaries with interfering in our relationship quite often, and it felt like they ruined a really special day/moment just because he wanted to surprise me with proposing and they got all "BUT WHY DID IT COME OUT ON FB FIRST?" when really, we just wanted to share with everyone at the same time so no one felt like they were out of the loop (which they weren't because it said right there). But other than that, we don't really disagree unless it's over something ridiculous as what time to eat but even then it's not a disagreement :P

I think it depends on the couple, and as individuals and the relationship. Some people argue more/less LD/CD, some don't at all, or some constantly.

[abna1]

I would say slightly more when long distance when text chatting, but we have few disagreements and arguments as is.

It's the same for us.
We get into little arguments over misunderstandings while texting when we're apart. Or when we've been apart for a long time, we get frustrated more easily. We try never to go to bed being annoyed with the other person though.

[differentcountries]

We argue more during his season, actually mostly in person. But we don't argue much at all. The only really conflict of sorts that we have is how to live together/close the distance since I can't marry him (and all kinds of practical and emotional issues related to that). I always start the fights, sometimes it is good to blow out some steam, and then the fight lasts for a short time only because I will start to cry and want him to cuddle me and from there on things sort of solve themselves. Our biggest fight was over text, though, but we really changed our communication style after that incident.

[Gingerlyme]

Thanks for the input guys.

I wanted to ask because it seems like with LDR, a lot of the little arguments stems from misunderstanding and misinterpretation.

Happens to me a lot with my s/o. I take what he meant on text a whole different way when we were both actually on the same page which brings me to the point where Skype/video chatting is much better. I find less misunderstanding when video chatting where I can hear his tone and see his expressions.

Like many of you guys, we really don't fight/argue during visits. Might be because of cherished time but also I think in-person contact is the best way to avoid misunderstandings. When we do argue, it tends to end that day because we are both too lazy to argue.

[Miasmata]

We fight on occasion, and it definitely happens more over the distance than in person. Text communication is definitely the most prone to trouble; as helpful and accessible it is even in places where voice chat isn't possible, it's also the easiest to make mistakes with. I like to think I'm very good at being clear and concise in text, and asking questions when things aren't 100% understandable for me, but I'm still far from perfect. Our main causes for arguments are either misunderstandings, bad mental health days that make us more sensitive, or his temper making him confrontative. In person, it's much easier to see the cues for these problems beforehand, and when things do get heated, it's also easier to communicate to mend wounds. The worst times are definitely when we can't skype for a while because of travels or being around people for a prolonged time, or shortly before a visit when emotions are riding high to begin with.

The best you can do is be observant and try to go against these things when you notice them. Also, when you think you aren't absolutely clear on how your SO meant something, ask directly. It's better to ask seemingly stupid questions than get into a fight.

[R&R]

I don't find it to be more or less but instead over different things. When it's LD, it's more of him being so busy and it makes it hard to get time together to talk or skype. When CD, like yesterday, "can you get moving so we aren't late for my appointment"? I swear he has no concept of time sometimes (this missing two flights) and it's even more evident when we're in person because that's when it truly affects me.