no chance of meeting :(

[somewhereinbetween]

We've been waiting for him to come visit, our first time meeting in person for over a year now. It's been a long journey because when we first met he was working part time and barely getting any hours. Over the course of our relationship he managed to get a second part time job, which eventually turned into full time and save up enough money. For the past 6-7 weeks we've been waiting to get the list of available dates he can take off from his boss. But during this time things at my job were falling apart and it was taking a toll on my mental and physical health. I ended up quitting, and to my surprise managed to find a much better job within a weeks time. Now here we are, he finally has his list of dates but can only take off 5 days in the middle of December (weekdays, not even a weekend). I'll be at work, he will be stuck in a hotel room, and we will only get a few hours together in the evening. I had hopes of going to England 6 or so months after his visit, but now do to this new job, I won't have enough vacation time until around this time 2015. And I feel like our only options is to just call it quits. He may be able to handle going this long without being around each other, but I feel it's VITAL for me to be able to have that 'connection' that makes this a real relationship and not just something 'online'. I regret leaving my old job, if I would have stuck it out a little longer we wouldn't even have this problem

[R&R]

My SO and I have the same issue where I have set times I can take off and his is much more flexible since he owns his own company. I was very frustrated because one time he was looking to come out and I couldn't get the time off. His response "So I'll be here when you wake up, I'll be here when you get home and I can sleep next to you all night. What's the problem?"

What has your SO said about the fact that you would have to work? Is he saying that's a deal-breaker for him coming to visit you if you have to work? It's a first time visit. As ideal as it would be to have full days with him, I'm sure at this point any time together would be worth the trip. Especially where you feel this is so vital to you, be happy with the evenings and make them special instead of focusing on what you wouldn't have if he came out.

[differentcountries]

We can only we together while he is also working. I suggest you do the same. Even a little time together is better than no time.

[ThePiedPiper]

If your only option is to spend evenings together or not have any visits, why not go with evenings? While I understand it's not ideal, I think you need to talk to him about it. Yes, it's expensive to travel between the two countries, but LDRs involve compromise and sacrifice, and if it's between calling it quits and not having a visit or having a visit but you working 9-5, I don't see where the question is. Seems like it would be worth it to have evenings together versus giving up on the relationship.

[Petals]

Like others have said, you don't need full days off to visit each other. It is ideal but you have to do what is necessary to be together.

Just to put this in context : I spent 2 months with SO last summer and in all that time he had TWO full days off! He worked on weekends too and could only take half day on Sundays. Our trips out of town were work related but he would squeeze some time for us in between. I know more construction sites than I know tourists areas in Adelaide. I know more about his business than anyone else close to him knows right now.

In December I will be visiting him for two weeks. The first week he will be swamped with work until Christmas Eve; he will have the second week off - for this we will spend $4600 on airfare.

Why? Because this is what we have to do to be together.

[somewhereinbetween]

What has your SO said about the fact that you would have to work? Is he saying that's a deal-breaker for him coming to visit you if you have to work?

He said he's fine with being here while I'm at work. He would rather wait until he can come for two weeks in January (rather than 5 days in December), but I think sitting around in a hotel for 8 hours a day, for two weeks is a bit too much. I feel guilty because if the tables were turned, I wouldn't want to go to another country that I've never been to before, and be alone. If I wouldn't go to him under these conditions, I don't expect him to come to me.

[R&R]

He said he's fine with being here while I'm at work. He would rather wait until he can come for two weeks in January (rather than 5 days in December), but I think sitting around in a hotel for 8 hours a day, for two weeks is a bit too much. I feel guilty because if the tables were turned, I wouldn't want to go to another country that I've never been to before, and be alone. If I wouldn't go to him under these conditions, I don't expect him to come to me.

It may not be conditions that you would want, but put the decision in his hands. He seems like he would be okay with it and that's what matters. If he is willing to do it and you are saying no, then he's made the effort.

I had a friend come over from England and I had to work the entire time. I live in a more rural area, so no buses or taxis. He took my car while I was at work and did a bunch of site seeing while I was at work and we hung out after. There must be options for him other than sitting in the hotel room.

[differentcountries]

Just to put this in context : I spent 2 months with SO last summer and in all that time he had TWO full days off! He worked on weekends too and could only take half day on Sundays.

Glad I am not the only one... I spent 22 days with SO in July, he only had 1 whole day off, no half days off and he had to work double shifts every Monday because they host a party Monday evenings (which I am expected to attain and enjoy). We made use of the nights (he usually got off from work at 8.30 or 9 in the evening).

Even if it was frustrating, I would totally do it again. I entertained byself by studying,visiting the spa, cooking dinner for us, cleaning the house, go shopping at the market and so on. I was lucky in that sense that I could stay at his job, actually he preffered me to do that so he could "see me" and serve me, which is why I did not do any big projects like attending a language class. If he had a job where I could not come, I would find a project to do, there are always someone teaching a class about something and I am used to spending my summers and other holidays going to classes, camps and so on, which I think is a good thing to do to pass time while visiting an SO at work.

[somewhereinbetween]

I had a friend come over from England and I had to work the entire time. I live in a more rural area, so no buses or taxis. He took my car while I was at work and did a bunch of site seeing while I was at work and we hung out after. There must be options for him other than sitting in the hotel room.

Sure there are options. I could leave him my car while I'm at work, but I don't know how that would work with insurance. Maybe I'm just selfish and want more time with him, to make the most of what little time we can afford. *Sigh*, I don't know.

[R&R]

Check with your insurance. I have Allstate and my policy covers anyone who drives my car.

I can completely understand the wanting more time. My first visit was less than 48-hours. I got there on Friday night and left on Sunday afternoon. We kept going back and forth about visiting and who would go where and finally I just booked a flight (for Valentine's Day) and told him he'd better be at the airport to get me. Guess who showed up? LOL Sometimes you just have to take that leap to get the first meeting done.

[p_b82]

My first trip over was for 5 days, I landed thursday evening, my Gf went to work on friday, we had Sat/Sun together without the kids until the evening, and she was back to work on the monday, and took Tuesday to drop me at the airport again.

Yes not spending the whole time together is not ideal, but I would take doing that above not seeing them at all personally.

[Petals]

Sure there are options. I could leave him my car while I'm at work, but I don't know how that would work with insurance. Maybe I'm just selfish and want more time with him, to make the most of what little time we can afford. *Sigh*, I don't know.

Stop shooting yourself in the foot. I understand the feelings of guilt but he is an adult so he can surely find things to occupy himself during the days. Help him by suggesting things nearby that he can do.

Which do you prefer?
1. Not seeing him until next year this time.
2. Seeing him for limited time in December or January.

[dizzyupthemeg]

Take the two weeks in January and enjoy your time together. I'm sure you won't work 14 days straight which means you will get some full days together. During our early visits, my husband and I always worked while the other one was visiting. It's a great way to figure out what it's actually like being with that person at CD. Unfortunately, we're adults who have responsibilities. You learn to make the visits work around that.

[snow]

I completely agree with dizzyupthemeg. When you live together, you both will probably be working, so you won't see each other all day every day. It is a good way to learn if that is the person you wanna be with. Any visit is better than not seeing your SO for another year.
On our two last visits, my fiance worked 6 days a week every week, besides 7 days he took off for Christmas.

[AnnaWright96]

It's up to you in the end. If you really love him, and want to make things work then try to wait.