Whadaya think?

[agentholli]

I have a serious question...I will try to keep it short...but please read. I need opinions.

I am divorced, and I have 2 children. I have been divorced for almost 3 years. Well, my ex-husband..is not a nice person. He was put in jail for a bad, bad crime he commited. I won't say what it is, but if you are smart and see that I am embarrassed about what he did, you might can figure it out. Anywho....he just plead guilty...to 2 counts, each one holds 6 years to life. His terms are concurrent, which means he serves one and then the other...so he is looking at at least 12 years in prison.

So..my children are younger...and they miss their grandparents(his parents) and cousins on that side...I haven't allowed my boys to see the grandparents because they went behind my back and did excatly what I didn't want them to do with my ex husband...I told them I didn't want my kids to have contact with their dad, and they had them for a day and allowed my kids to talk to him on the phone and read letters that he had written....I am now just allowing them to be apart of their lives again. (I promise this has to do with the LDR)

On saturday, that family is having a get together..and my kids want to go. I am also going to go with them. I have to make sure that they treat my kids right and that they don't bring up their dad...or that that family doesn't do anything stupid. Who wants their SO to hang out with the ex's family...but my question is...do you think my situation is different? I am not going because i want to hang out with them, in fact I am dreading t, but I have to put my differences aside so my kids can enjoy it.

What is your opinon on this? Is it a different situation that should be looked at differently? Anyone? Thanks for reading it all

[LadyMarchHare]

It's different because there's children involved. If it was just you, your SO could be mad all he wanted, but these people are your kids' family as much as yours is to them, they obviously want to see them so I don't see the harm as long as you're chaperoning.

I know the pain. My parents divorced when I was 6 and I only have grandparents on my dad's (who was a bad man) side and I try and keep in touch with them even though they hate my mom. They're family, you can't help it.

[Karringtyn]

This is about your children and their grandparents. Its not about you. Not about your ex.

This is a Mommy allowing her children to get to see their grandparents.

I commend you as a Mom for this hon. And I am sooo sorry you had to go through what you did with your ex.

[agentholli]

Thanks Ladies! Its good to hear that I am not insane about it

[MissAnnThropee]

You are definitely not being insane about it at all. I think, if in the same situation, I would do the same thing.
Children come first. :]

[Moon]

While I wouldn't say your situation is different, per say, I would say it's a situation your ex needs to stay out of. He doesn't have to like it, but he's gotta understand you're going to do what's best for your kids, regardless if he hates it or not. It's unfair of him to make you feel bad about allowing your kids time with their family, he has to realize you're a package deal and the kids welfare is always going to come before his feelings! You are doing the right thing.

[machstx]

your putting your kids needs above your discomfort. your a good mom . your bf needs to be a little less selfish and more understanding of your situation. (sorry if thats to blunt :/ )

[agentholli]

he knows that my kids will always come first..and that isn't really the problem..the problem is him not being able to see it as just me doing what is right for my kids, he sees it as me hanging out with the ex's family....

[maja]

its not like you do it cos u want to for your sake, youre doing it for your kids and he should just accept that....

[hellojamie]

It's obvious you're doing it for the kids, and he should see that. You're very strong for letting them go in the first place, especially after they ignored your wishes regarding contact. But you're a good mom for keeping things okay between the families. I know it's very hard, and kudos for you for doing it. I hope your SO realizes that. You were married, you had kids. Kids don't get to "divorce" their dads, or divorce their grandparents. They're always going to be a part of your kids' lives, regardless of your marital status, and your SO needs to come to terms with that.

[Čternity]

I think it's really good you are doing it even though they went against your wishes. It's obvious you are trying to do it for the kids and keep the big picture in mind.

[noodle]

I agree, I think its different. I mean you do it for your kids not for yourself. And I mean youre not friends really with your ex' family or with himself so your SO
doesnt even have to worry that you'd go back to your ex or whatever
Just talk to him and say its for your kids, he has to accept it.

[paulawriteslove]

I completely agree with everyone. I am so happy that you you put your children first. I hope he can see that you're doing the right thing. Hopefully he'll be able to accept this situation. Best of luck!

[XX, Lexi]

I agree with the majority. Your children are involved in this, so your SO really needs to try and accept it. Like everyone said, I'm glad that you're keeping contact with your ex's parents for the sake of the kids and putting them first.
Good luck, Agentholli =]

[Silviar]

I keep trying to convince my bf that its different. That its not like my ex husband can come and get the kids..and its not like I am going to be doing it all the time. I just need the grandparents to prove to me that they won't screw up again, and then I won't be part of it anymore.

What is your opinon on this? Is it a different situation that should be looked at differently? Anyone? Thanks for reading it all

I once read that in a new relationship, the new partner has to remember that there will always be three in the bed - them, you, and your ex. This is particularly the case in regards to your children. It's important that the children get to see both sides of their family if at all possible and it's a safe environment. You are being reasonable about most of your expectations, although you can't control if people bring up the kids' dad, so I'd let that one go and deal with the fallout if there's any after (you'd be surprised what doesn't bother kids sometimes).

I think the important thing to get out of your boyfriend is to see if he's just upset because it's a protective, I don't like you around bad influence instinct, or if he's truly going to try and control your children's interactions with the other family. The first would require lots of loving, reassurance, and perhaps a gentle reminder that he has to suck it up for the kids' sake. the second is a more serious issue that you'll have to figure out the best way to address.

Good luck!