How long does it take to "be in love"?

[Gingerlyme]

OP here. Enlighten me please

Hey guys, OP gingerly here.

So I've spoken to my s/o about the issues that I'm being dealing with and here's what I got in a quick summary.

He said "I like you a lot" then goes on to say " I love everything about you, your compassion, independence, etc etc, and then he talks about stuff and that I'm moving to just an hour flight away in a month. We will be able to spend more time together and we will have the best time together and end with "I love spending time with you"

He mentioned "I love" a couple times but it's never "I love you"
What is happening? Is he scared of saying the actual 3 words or is he trying to hold on to me by teasing it and not actually saying it? He really doesn't want this to end.

I asked him before if emotional intimacy is difficult because of certain past or relationship, he said no, it's more of a lack of experience.

Please Enlighten me my fellow members.

[Gingerlyme]

Up... ><

[R&R]

Hey guys, OP gingerly here.


He mentioned "I love" a couple times but it's never "I love you"
What is happening? Is he scared of saying the actual 3 words or is he trying to hold on to me by teasing it and not actually saying it? He really doesn't want this to end.

.

He is the only one that can answer this. We can give opinions based on what you tell us but he is the only one who knows how he feels. If he's trying to hold on to you by teasing you - then you need to just walk away. Peoples feelings and relationships aren't games.

However, I feel that he has been pretty straightforward with you in that he told you in no uncertain terms that he does not love you. I have male friends that I love spending time with and hanging out with but I don't "love" them in a relationship sense and I never will. Right now you are in two different places and there is not a guarantee he will ever advance to the place you are at. You've given it a year of your life and only you can decide how much longer you will wait. Personally, a year would be enough for me and I would let go and move forward with my life.

[Petals]

Proceed with your move if he's not the sole reason you are moving then see what happens within the next year. If nothing changes within that time then you have to decide if you can continue in relationship with him. I highly doubt anything will change, but if everything else in the relationship is ok then there's no great harm giving it a bit more time.

[Nikkolemegan528]

There is a big difference between "I love you" and " I like you". If he hasn't told you he loves you after 8 visits to see one another then I highly doubt he will start showing any emotions now.

It took me and my boyfriend 3 months to say " I love you" and we meant is and I know he means it everyday, because he tells me everyday and shows it as well.

I believe you and him should sit down and talk about your feelings with him. Let him know how you really feel and see if he feels the same way back, he may just not be ready for the " I love you" part or he might be too scared to say it.

I wish you the best of luck

[Gingerlyme]

OP here

Thank you again for your input. It is a hard situation to call on because we both see a future for the relationship and I'm not questioning the commitment he has us. He has on numerous occasion told and shown me that he wants in me in his future.

Another thing I found out just yesterday is that he has never said the words I Love You to anyone before. Not to the 5year long crush, ex girlfriends (never lasted more than 6months), not to his mom dad or his siblings.
I'm not sure if that should be taken into account?

I feel like he is one of those guys that take "I love you" as a lifetime commitment meaning marriage and the works which for both of us is not something we are looking at yet for sure.

Also, I don't think he actually knows what being in love feels like. Rather he doesn't have anything to compare it with. He loved his crush, but they never dated. It was all one-sided. From what i understand, I don't see how that can be "love" in a romantic way.

He also apologized for saying to me before that "he doesn't love me". He said it during a very tough period in our relationship and he apologizes for that. But he did still say the whole "I like you a lot" so that doesn't exactly cancel the "I don't love you"..

[differentcountries]

It sounds like he helds you in high regard. Maybe the I love you will come in time. If he treats you well, he might be worth holding on to. I hope you figure it out.