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    #1

    Why is she doing this? I don't understand.

    Hi folks, I'm quite new with relationships and don't have much experience regarding relationships, especially LDR.

    I'm in a relationship since couple of months and we really like each other. I'm her first bf and she's my first gf.
    We try to be open with each other. Today, she told me something about her that left me baffled and confused and I'm hoping to get some answers here.

    Last month, she told me one of her classmate looks similar to me and she followed him for a few minutes. I didn't take it seriously and laughed.
    Today she mentioned about him again and she told me she stalked him, found his name and everything and she spent a while searching him on facebook. I asked her if she's interested in him and she said no.

    Why would she stalk him like this and why is she telling me all this? Could she be interested in him? She said it's fun and was expecting me to laugh about her behavior but I got upset. Am I over-analyzing here?
    Thank you.
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    #2
    She may be interested in him, she may not be - we don't know that and you can only go off of what she tells you. Maybe she's trying to make you jealous by hinting at interest in another guy. I would probably just ignore these remarks unless they continue. If she keeps telling you about how she follows him, searches him online, etc, I'd be tempted to say something like, "Seems like you're more interested in this guy than me. If that's not the case, I'd really rather not hear about him. If you are interested in him, probably not a good idea to continue our relationship."
    In all the world there is no heart for me like yours.
    In all the world there is no love for you like mine.
    -- Maya Angelou

    Comment

      #3
      Originally posted by rhabdoviridae View Post
      She may be interested in him, she may not be - we don't know that and you can only go off of what she tells you. Maybe she's trying to make you jealous by hinting at interest in another guy. I would probably just ignore these remarks unless they continue. If she keeps telling you about how she follows him, searches him online, etc, I'd be tempted to say something like, "Seems like you're more interested in this guy than me. If that's not the case, I'd really rather not hear about him. If you are interested in him, probably not a good idea to continue our relationship."
      I did ask her why she told me about him and she said, she felt like a creep stalking guys on Fb. But the thing that bothers me is- why him? Why go through so much..she went through a lot to find this guy's name and facebook name and when I asked her to tell me his name, she told me she doesn't remember. This is the second time she mentioned about him. She says she has feelings for me but I don't trust people easily.

      Comment

        #4
        Originally posted by gvitesse View Post
        I did ask her why she told me about him and she said, she felt like a creep stalking guys on Fb. But the thing that bothers me is- why him? Why go through so much..she went through a lot to find this guy's name and facebook name and when I asked her to tell me his name, she told me she doesn't remember. This is the second time she mentioned about him. She says she has feelings for me but I don't trust people easily.
        Personally, I think she's trying to stir up some jealousy/drama and she seems like she's attracted to him (otherwise, she wouldn't have gone through so much trouble to find information about him). I think it's a little odd that she's doing that, while claiming she has feelings for you.

        Comment

          #5
          Originally posted by gvitesse View Post
          Hi folks, I'm quite new with relationships and don't have much experience regarding relationships, especially LDR.

          I'm in a relationship since couple of months and we really like each other. I'm her first bf and she's my first gf.
          We try to be open with each other. Today, she told me something about her that left me baffled and confused and I'm hoping to get some answers here.

          Last month, she told me one of her classmate looks similar to me and she followed him for a few minutes. I didn't take it seriously and laughed.
          Today she mentioned about him again and she told me she stalked him, found his name and everything and she spent a while searching him on facebook. I asked her if she's interested in him and she said no.

          Why would she stalk him like this and why is she telling me all this? Could she be interested in him? She said it's fun and was expecting me to laugh about her behavior but I got upset. Am I over-analyzing here?
          Thank you.
          Following someoneyou know in the street for a few minutes and checking them out on Facebook later is light years away from anything even resembling stalking. I check out people I know online all the time. I have no idea why she even told you, it is really nothing in itself, maybe she is clumsily telling you she misses you so much she is even into your local copy.
          I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
          - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



          "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

          Comment

            #6
            Depends on how old she is. When I was younger I found it interesting to "stalk" someone by finding out their name and stuff. I knew almost everyone in school by name. It was like a strange little hobby for me.

            All I can offer as advice is: ask her why she is doing it and tell her how it makes you feel. We can't read minds and we don't know her as much as you do or she herself. Talk to her and find out.

            Relationship began: 05/22/2012
            First Met: 03/21/2013 - 03/30/2013
            Second Visit: 06/06/2013 - 08/21/2013 ~ Proposal: 07/06/2013 ♥
            Third Visit: 10/09/2013 - 01/08/2013
            Closed the distance: 11/20/2014 ♥
            Married: 1/24/2015
            Became Resident: 9/14/2015

            Comment

              #7
              Originally posted by snow View Post
              Depends on how old she is. When I was younger I found it interesting to "stalk" someone by finding out their name and stuff. I knew almost everyone in school by name. It was like a strange little hobby for me.

              All I can offer as advice is: ask her why she is doing it and tell her how it makes you feel. We can't read minds and we don't know her as much as you do or she herself. Talk to her and find out.
              She's 24. I already asked her if she's interested in him, she said no. I told her it made me feel worried and she said she didn't mean to make me worry and apologized.

              Comment

                #8
                Originally posted by whatruckus View Post
                Personally, I think she's trying to stir up some jealousy/drama and she seems like she's attracted to him (otherwise, she wouldn't have gone through so much trouble to find information about him). I think it's a little odd that she's doing that, while claiming she has feelings for you.
                She says he looks like just like me, same skin color and everything. I really don't know what her intentions are. She told me everything and she said she feels like a creep. We've known each other for a long time now and we've made commitments but I get worried since, this is online.

                Comment

                  #9
                  I read all the tread. I think you need to talk heart to heart, and you ask her." why she's always talking about him".then tell her u feel jealous. And if she didnot stop.I think that is your own disetion.
                  ( "dont stock your self if you are not comfortable. ")
                  ("Dont waste your time in a wrong person )

                  Comment

                    #10
                    At 24 that's rather immature but I'll assume she's trying to make you jealous. As other posters said, tell her how it makes you feel. It sounds like her goal is jealousy but all she's causing you is hurt and confusion. I think rhabdoviridae gave a great example of what to say:

                    Originally posted by rhabdoviridae View Post
                    "Seems like you're more interested in this guy than me. If that's not the case, I'd really rather not hear about him. If you are interested in him, probably not a good idea to continue our relationship."
                    Personally, this is what I would say because if someone wanted to talk about another girl/guy to stir up jealousy in me, I wouldn't want to continue the relationship. That's not fair to you. It's okay for your SO to mention, "hey, I saw someone who looked like you!!" My SO has done that before too, but it didn't go beyond that. He just mentioned some girl had my same hair (rare in his country), it made him miss me, and then we moved on to a different topic.
                    When two hearts are meant for each other, no distance is too far,
                    no time is too long, and no other love can break them apart.

                    Comment

                      #11
                      I met someone who looked a lot like my bf, and I started worrying he was lying about his identity. Because the guy I met looked soooo much like my bf. So I looked the guy up on facebook, tried to see if any of the pics I had seen of my bf were on this guys facebook ect. Maybe because you looked similar to her, she id just doing the same and telling you so that if you were lying or hididng something, you would tell her.

                      Just my two scents

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Originally posted by conejita_hada View Post
                        At 24 that's rather immature but I'll assume she's trying to make you jealous. As other posters said, tell her how it makes you feel. It sounds like her goal is jealousy but all she's causing you is hurt and confusion. I think rhabdoviridae gave a great example of what to say:



                        Personally, this is what I would say because if someone wanted to talk about another girl/guy to stir up jealousy in me, I wouldn't want to continue the relationship. That's not fair to you. It's okay for your SO to mention, "hey, I saw someone who looked like you!!" My SO has done that before too, but it didn't go beyond that. He just mentioned some girl had my same hair (rare in his country), it made him miss me, and then we moved on to a different topic.
                        Exactly. I still think it's weird that she went out of her way to find him on the internet, find his name, and find his FB and then proceed to look through it if it was supposedly nothing. I've only done that when I was actually interested in someone/thought they were really attractive.
                        Last edited by whatruckus; November 23, 2014, 02:31 PM.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          I check out almost everybody I know online. So does most people I know. Even people I don't know, like I friend of a friend, might tell to my face, "I guess I have seen you on Facebook". If you have an open profile, it is like the phone book. I think she acts strange about it, though, like maybe she is looking for attention.
                          I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                          - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                          "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Originally posted by differentcountries View Post
                            I think she acts strange about it, though, like maybe she is looking for attention.
                            Right? Like it's weird that she keeps bringing it up. I mean I get it if she only mentioned it like once, in passing.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              The guy she stalks is her classmate. Till now, she mentioned about him twice. The first time she followed him and this time, she wanted to find his fb. Should I bring this up again and talk to her about it? I don't want to seem like an insecure jealous guy.

                              Comment

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