Unprepared break up need help

[nancypoko]

Hi, this is my first post here. I hope I find someone to help me get through this.

My boyfriend and I were together for 2 years and we've always been in LDR since the beginning of relationship. We get along really well and we were pretty much best friends. Our first met was a holiday in another country in January and we had such a great time together, so right away after we got back from the trip we planed to meet again in November. This time he would come visit me and stay with me for 1 month. I've been waiting for him to come visit me all year long bought tons of clothes, work out every day, and make my place as clean as possible for him and prepare to cook him a lot of meals. We bought plane tickets to another places in the country, pre-booked the hotels and also paid for a photographer to take some pictures for us. We both were so excited about trip and everything...

On the 5th of November I went to pick him up at the airport. I know we missed each other so much as I saw him I just hug him so tight and never want let him go again. Things went well, we had a great time like the first time we met until 8th of November, I went out all day doing some work and he was at home. When I came back I saw him sitting on the couch and has his suitcase next to him he then said to me "I'm going to leave now." And he just left and fly back to his country! After staying for only 3 days! He left me with a broken heart without any explanation. The whole trip is ruined we're officially broke up now. It's been 2 weeks and I've got messages from him last night saying that he now found someone else and she's everything better than me...

To be honest, I'm really sad right now. I never thought we'd break up because we had such a strong feelings. We even planed to move in and live together next year. I talk to him every single day for 2 years and now that it ended and I realized I actually don't have any friends. My relationship was basically my life. He moved on so fast and I'm still struggling here. My life has gone downhill since he left.

Please anyone that ever get through this situation I just need advice to find a way to get over him. I do still love him a lot and confused about everything. It's really hard for me... I keep crying everyday all day.

[conejita_hada]

Hi, I just wanted to say I am so sorry for this happening. My ex-boyfriend in college decided one day he was done instead of fixing issues, just "left". It was horrible for a while. I ended up just really focusing on my studies and work which helped. I can only imagine the pain you're going through. I'm sorry! Take it one day at a time and if you need to vent, we're here for you!

[Lovedave Alcazarin]

Hello my dear.. better he left you..without child. Me my hubby left me,now I have four babies and very hurt .yes I hurt because I love him, but more pain and sorrow u feel if every time u see the children that they dont have father. And like me im poor u know about needed of them.but here I am stell standing and fighting every trails.so move on let him go..and after that u realized much better he left u coz he is irresponsibly.

[differentcountries]

Breakups are always bad when they are one sided. My ex never dumped me during a visit, but looking back I actually wish that had happened because I got unrealistic hopes of us fixing the relationship when I was the only one motivated. You will probably find someone better suited for you, too. Take care of yourself. Remember that you can still make all your dreams happen.

[Eva Britt]

Oh dear! I cant even imagine the pain u must feel right now... But I can promise u that in a little while, maybe a week or two, u will feel better. But I know that its hard right now. Try focusing on other stuff, get out every day, even just for a little walk. get some air. And maybe reconnect with ur old friends again.

[Petals]

Omg ! I feel for you!

How could he do that to you!? This makes no sense. Is there anything you have left out of the chain of events? How had communication leading up to the visit been between you ? Did he discover something about you while he was home alone that day? What did you do that day you were out?

I'm sorry for all the questions. I'm just trying to help you piece things together as this situation is just bizarre.

((Hugs))

[nancypoko]

Well in that day I went to do the makeup class all day (it was pre-booked months before so I had to go.) I cooked him some food make sure everything will be ok before I leave. When I got there and the class was about to start, he called me and asked me if I can go back and I said no I couldn't go because I was already at the place I didn't know what I supposed to do or say to people there even though I really wanted to leave. When the class finished I rush back home and saw him was about to leave... I did nothing wrong. I can't find a reason for him to leave me like that I didn't cheat on him or anything. The whole situation was just really weird to me too to be honest. I keep asking him why but he's just ignoring me.

[Petals]

Well in that day I went to do the makeup class all day (it was pre-booked months before so I had to go.) I cooked him some food make sure everything will be ok before I leave. When I got there and the class was about to start, he called me and asked me if I can go back and I said no I couldn't go because I was already at the place I didn't know what I supposed to do or say to people there even though I really wanted to leave. When the class finished I rush back home and saw him was about to leave... I did nothing wrong. I can't find a reason for him to leave me like that I didn't cheat on him or anything. The whole situation was just really weird to me too to be honest. I keep asking him why but he's just ignoring me.

That is just crazy! Are you telling me he couldn't be by himself for one day!? That is ridiculous and based on that phone call asking you to return to the house it seems like he's very controlling. It seems like he did you a favor OP.

Has he tried to control you in other ways during your relationship? Is he much older? I don't have a problem with older men because I have always dated older men.

((Hugs))

[nancypoko]

That is just crazy! Are you telling me he couldn't be by himself for one day!? That is ridiculous and based on that phone call asking you to return to the house it seems like he's very controlling. It seems like he did you a favor OP.

Has he tried to control you in other ways during your relationship? Is he much older? I don't have a problem with older men because I have always dated older men.

((Hugs))

He's older than me 2 years and I do think that he has insecurity and he doesn't trust me as much as I trusted him. I don't know what was running through his head but he told me he called his parents while I was out and decided to leave. I was begging him to stay... Sitting on my knees and told him we would fix things out whatever it is. I have no idea what his problem was I just didn't want him to leave. I mean I've been waiting for him the whole year! I did everything I can to make things work between us and I have only him in my life for the past 2 years. I'm heartbroken and sad. I don't know what I did to deserve this. He's moving on with another girl now. I'm just sad and still miss him a lot. I don't know what I should do with my life anymore.

[Petals]

He's older than me 2 years and I do think that he has insecurity and he doesn't trust me as much as I trusted him. I don't know what was running through his head but he told me he called his parents while I was out and decided to leave. I was begging him to stay... Sitting on my knees and told him we would fix things out whatever it is. I have no idea what his problem was I just didn't want him to leave. I mean I've been waiting for him the whole year! I did everything I can to make things work between us and I have only him in my life for the past 2 years. I'm heartbroken and sad. I don't know what I did to deserve this. He's moving on with another girl now. I'm just sad and still miss him a lot. I don't know what I should do with my life anymore.

That is just so wrong what he has done. I'm really sorry that this happened to you. I hope he eventually tells you why he made that decision to break up with you. It won't take away the hurt but at least you will have some idea what went wrong.

He couldn't have a girlfriend so quickly unless they were dating before you broke up. It's only been two weeks. It just seems that he's trying to hurt you in the worst possible way by telling you about having a new girlfriend and she being better than you. It suggests that he thinks you hurt him in some way. It's childish and callous the way he's behaving.

You deserve to be treated better OP. Try to find activities that can distract you somewhat. Reach out to old friends and get busy. It will be hard to get over him but you will...eventually. If you are contacting him in hopes of him offering you an explanation, don't contact him anymore (at least for a few weeks). Give him space and maybe later he will offer an explanation. If not, then you have to find a way to get over him and move on to someone who won't be so cold towards you.

((Hugs)) again

[barb757]

you did nothing wrong and he has a problem. be very glad he left. i know this does not help you right now,but don't blame yourself. He missed out on having someone loving and special in his life.That's his loss.

[differentcountries]

Sometimes there is no good answer. Most of the time, people haven't done anything "wrong ", but breakups still happen. Something in the situation triggered him and he saw the visit and you in a different light. He was not interested in or able to work things out. Perhaps he needed a different kind of woman than what he saw in you. Try to ignore whatever he says out of dissapointment, that is most likely not about you at all. He acts small so this is your chance to be the bigger person. All the wonderful ideas for romance, you still have them. He didn't take that from you.

[R&R]

He's older than me 2 years and I do think that he has insecurity and he doesn't trust me as much as I trusted him. I don't know what was running through his head but he told me he called his parents while I was out and decided to leave. I was begging him to stay... Sitting on my knees and told him we would fix things out whatever it is. I have no idea what his problem was I just didn't want him to leave. I mean I've been waiting for him the whole year! I did everything I can to make things work between us and I have only him in my life for the past 2 years. I'm heartbroken and sad. I don't know what I did to deserve this. He's moving on with another girl now. I'm just sad and still miss him a lot. I don't know what I should do with my life anymore.

Other posters have said it, but I'm sure it had nothing to do with you. It almost sounds like he is trying to make you hate him on purpose which may be his twisted way of relieving himself of guilt for how he handled the break up.

I bolded the "my life" because those are the key two words. This is your life. You do with your life what you would have done if he had never entered it. You continue with school. You spend time with your friends. You do your hobbies or start a new hobby. A man should never become your life - he should enhance it but never become it just for this reason......so you can continue on just fine if things don't work. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt and I'm not trying to minimize your feelings. What I am saying is that you deserve better and to move on with your life and you will find a partner who appreciates you for you and wants to be a part of it simply for the fact that you are exactly who you are.

[0897klpq]

I am so sorry to hear this happened!

From what you said you had planned you really sound like an amazing girlfriend, a true dream girl.

You honestly can do better than him. How he handled the situation he purposely tried to break your heart and make you sad. Then rub it in your face how happy he is. He really is a jerk!

Get him out of your life, delete him, never talk to him again. At least you guys could have been friends but he obviously isn't mature enough to keep you as a friend.

Really, you have so much more respect for yourself than he offered you. There is no point in trying to talk to him now. Just take it as a learning experience.

I hope you will feel better and feel free to comment back. What matters now is that you are strong and happy!

Keep smiling! You are strong

[Miasmata]

This is your life. You do with your life what you would have done if he had never entered it. You continue with school. You spend time with your friends. You do your hobbies or start a new hobby. A man should never become your life - he should enhance it but never become it just for this reason......so you can continue on just fine if things don't work. I'm not saying it doesn't hurt and I'm not trying to minimize your feelings. What I am saying is that you deserve better and to move on with your life and you will find a partner who appreciates you for you and wants to be a part of it simply for the fact that you are exactly who you are.

This is exactly what I came in here to say, thanks R&R!

Nancy, now is the time to take care of yourself the best you can and prioritize your interests and wellbeing. Prioritizing a relationship is not a bad thing, but it should never be your whole life. You are a wonderful person who has much more to offer and enjoy than just that - You don't need others to complete yourself. Definitely reconnect with old friends, dive into hobbies, do volunteer work, whatever fulfills you. It's okay to feel sad now, let that happen - But don't tell yourself that he was your life. He wasn't, and he never has to be. You fill your life with the things you enjoy, nobody else.

All the best to you!