we talked last night, he said that he just doesn't know who he is, and he doesn't want to be in a relationship, basically told me that he wants to be friends and wants to work on the relationship when he finally comes home. I asked him why he thought the relationship and friendship would be any different if we both had feelings about each other and he asked me why I thought being friends would be different. I told him that if I have feelings for him, the conversations that we have are going to lean towards the relationship end of things and that I just didn't understand that if he felt the same way how he thought that being friends would be better. I told him I was even open to trying to work things out in the sexual aspect of our relationship while he was gone and he said it's not about that at all, its just the emotional aspects of the relationship that he didn't want to deal with right now. I basically told him that if we remained friends and he still had those feelings for me, that whether we're friends or not the emotional aspects are going to be there. I told him that I think we just need to work on the communication, and I actually pulled in what some of you start-out ldr couples have said about the really getting to know each other on an emotional level because of the strong need for communication. He finally agreed to think about it, we have a night set aside for just me and him to spend together on tuesday, and I think we're going to talk about it more. I think he's finally understanding that it doesn't matter if we're friends or not, that the feelings are there and that it's ultimately going to be as though we're in a relationship because of it whether we have the title or not. I really hope we can talk through this, I really don't want to lose him, and I really want to be there for him as he finds out who he is through all this. The only scary part is that I finally found out how long it's going to truly be until we are together again, 3-4 years. he plans on traveling to Mexico after China, and a few other places, and he wants to do it on his own so that he can "find himself" which I think is great, but I still want to be there, I want to be the support for him to grow as a person and I want him to know that no matter what, I'm going to love who he becomes.
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oh man. First of all...Can I Just give you a hug? I can imagine that you are all confused inside....knowing what YOU want and yet he really sounds all messed up. How has he been up till the point he had to come home from the funeral? Was he confused and distant then? I am hoping on Tuesday night when you are able to have time for just the two of you...he is able to truly listen and you guys can work it out one way or the other. May I ask why it isn't till Tuesday though?
And you said what I always say....once it's
"over"....
there is NO going back. Not a good thing in most cases in how to deal with it...but it's what I do...a bridge burner...I can only take just so much...it's like a switch.
My thoughts are with you...if you want to add me on facebook....you can
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=807070262NY to Texas Married on...August 17th, 2013
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not really, I mean yeah I didn't talk to him for 3 weeks, but the conversation that we had once we did talk was perfect. I even asked him about it last night when we talked and he said that just the past few days he came to the realization that he's been trying to deceive himself into thinking that this relationship is going to work out, and that 3-4 years is just a really long time and he doesn't think that it's going to work out. He said it's not beneficial to try and force something and that neither of us would be happy. That's when I asked him why he was trying to deceive himself in the first place, and he said "because i wanted it to work out, I care about you and I wanted to be with you, but it's just not realistic" and that's when I really was glad to have the background that everyone on this forum has, because I basically told him that if we do it right, it will work out and that he doesn't have to lose me just because of a few thousand miles between us.
I don't know about tuesday, I just think that Tuesday is the day that he has available for just me, I mean, I'm hoping that I'll get to hang out with him and his friends tonight, and maybe something on sunday when I get off work, but tuesday is the day for our alone time, to really sit down and discuss this and I dunno.
ps. I finally got my kiss and hug that I was waiting for for 4 months
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