Announcement

**Sarah96** · December 7, 2014, 01:51 PM

We met on a forum and started talking about music and we quickly developed a friendship that turned into a relationship pretty quickly. He commented on my thread and sent me a private message to make sure his comment was clear lol. It's more difficult maintaining a relationship online because I can't get to see his everyday life and get to know his family and friends more personally. I want to be more involved in his life and I want him to be more involved in my family/friends and life but it's a little more difficult doing that online and via texting. We usually just text/call/email... but adding skype to that list soon! I think I would change the secrecy of the relationship. We've both kept our relationship kinda on the DL for a while due to a few circumstances that we can't really control. I would like to not have to "hide" our relationship but for right now there isn't much we can do.

Some Pros:
~I've been able to form a deeper bond and better connection with someone that I otherwise never experienced in a CDR
~My communication skills have grown and developed incredibly, I can effectively have an argument with someone that isn't mean/hurtful and that solves a problem
~Because both people have to put effort into the relationship to make it work, the effort is more noticeable
~ The friendship that is first built that forms into a relationship is much stronger than a relationship being built solely on physical attraction

Some Cons:
~Obviously the distance, it's difficult and it never really gets easier, at least in my opinion
~Judgment, it's hard when people just don't understand that you love someone you've never met/over the internet, they don't know what to say and sometimes the things they say are hurtful whether it's intentional or not
~ Missing special moments in his life really sucks, not being able to celebrate his new job or his birthday, it gets tough
~ Limitations due to money/school... traveling is expensive, neither of us can really afford it right now so it's really delaying us, along with me being in school, I don't know when I'm going to have enough free time to see him

hmmm... that's all I can really think of right now. Hope maybe this helps a little

**rufuz** · December 7, 2014, 02:36 PM

We met on instagram because I followed him randomly when I saw some of his pictures and he then followed me back. At first we only liked each others pictures but one day he commented on one of my pics and I answered him in spanish. We talked a little under then picture and I told him I like Mexico a lot and I love spanish but that mine isn't that good. He offered to help me a bit with my problems and so we kept texting in kik and a few days later on whatsapp. Since this comment we texted each and every day and our feelings for each other developed very quickly. We see each other as girlfriend/boyfriend although it is not official yet because we also haven't met yet. Until now we only communicated through whatsapp, sent pictures, voice messages, videos and stuff like that. Yet I am a bit too shy to skype because writing spanish is one thing... but talking is another...

The positive things about my relationships are that I feel like he likes me because of my personality and not because of my look/body. Communication is the key and we can talk about everything. I love that I can learn a lot more things about his culture, that he helps me with the language and doesn't laugh at me although I think my spanish sometimes must be really bad. Also he doesn't laugh when I sometimes don't understand what he's trying to say. It's very positive that you have your SO almost everytime around because you can text, but at the same time you have enough time to do your stuff on your own without worrying that you don't have time to see your SO. You can always learn a lot from each other and it never gets boring. You can always see happiness even in the smallest things that wouldn't affect you that much in a CDR.

The negative things are that you can't control what your SO is doing so you need a lot of trust, which sometimes can be hard if you had trust issues in past relationships. This is also one bad part about this whole "online" stuff... you can see if the other person was online, has read your text etc. so it can easily lead to fights if someone didn't answer you and this is your basic way of communication. Also I am sure that there are lots of people who judge people who are in an LDR although I was lucky enough to never been judged even in my past LDR. Last thing of course is the money and time you need to be able to see your SO, especially when it's on different continents. Or the language barrier that can exist between your families because my mum for example doesn't speak any spanish and her english also isn't very good an he doesn't speak german.

**XxFranticLovexX** · December 7, 2014, 05:17 PM

Thank you both. <3

Anyone else interested? I still have room for more as I need about 5 sources. ^_^;

**aniay** · December 7, 2014, 05:51 PM

Pros:
- We learned to talk
- We don't concentrate on physical part of relatinship
- We learn ourselves way better
- I learned what it means to miss someone (I know it sounds weird but untill I met him I didn't know the feeling of missing someone)
- Learning communication skills

Cons:
- Dealing with misunderstandings - when it happens sometimes all you need is hug and this is impossible when you only meet online.
- People telling you you are not in "real" relationship.
- Loneliness when you are sad
- The fact that you can't contact your SO 'just so' because the phonecall prices are stupidliy big.

How did you guys meet?
Was visiting friend abroad and then we attended a Transformers convention with some other friends.He just approached our group when we were going to lunch started talking with us. My first thought was "What a cute guy and so my type."
For three days we have been bumping into each other and talking about everything.
Since then we are talking every single day online, first as friends, then as a couple. In our case online contact is the only possibility as phonecalls are expensive.

What part of maintaining your relationship mainly online makes it easier/more difficult for you?
It's great to see each other on vid-chat every day, It's closest you can get to actually being together.

What other forms of communication do you use?
Vid-chat + email, that's about it.

What would you change about your relationship if you could (other than the obvious of being together)?
Nothing. I wouldn't change a single bit about this relatinship. Even though we are so far away, and see each-other once in few months, this has been the most fullfilling and happy relatinship I've been in.
Despite the distance my SO feels closer to me than any other guy I've ever dated. The fact that I just can't get "physical" and forget you have nothing to talk about, that we actually spend the time talking, learning about each other. That we find time to talk every single day and every single day we ask "how was your day?" really meaning to know that.

Thanks to this relationship I learned just how important are the tiny things. The power of hug and a kiss, the strength of two holding hands. The amazing feeling of seeing the face of a person you love every single day, The comfort of simply being together (not necesairly in the same room or even country) in silence, listening and being listened to and heard.

I never apreciated those things while being in any CD relatinship, now I just hope that when we finally close the distance we keep apreciating those things.

**lovefrom2800milesaway** · December 7, 2014, 06:08 PM

Hope I'm not too late.

While you're busy writing your paper, I'm here to procrastinate.. :P

How did you guys meet?
I met my SO online. About 10 years ago, we both played this online game called Habbo Hotel. I had an online friend on there who also met him on the game and he just happened to be hanging out on the game so she introduced us and the rest is history!

What part of maintaining your relationship mainly online makes it easier/more difficult for you?
I love how easy it is to access the internet nowadays. There is wifi/internet almost anywhere you go - from school to the mall. Even most restaurants will have wifi now so that you can share your delicious meal with your SO - over Skype of course.

I think the one thing that makes it a little difficult is our time difference although I can't complain when I compare it to a lot of other couples on here. Even though we're only separated by 2 hours, sometimes it's hard to Skype late at night when I'm done studying/free and he's already half asleep. ><

What other forms of communication do you use?
Text! We text each other a LOT. Out of all my contacts on my phone, he's the one I've sent the most texts to by a mile. We're both lucky to have international texting as part of our phone plans!
Other than that, the usual... Skype or Facebook

What would you change about your relationship if you could (other than the obvious of being together)?
One thing that I'd like to change is how long we're both in school, him in particular. I'm in a professional program so my future is pretty much set out for me. I know exactly what I'm going to do after I graduate university. It's a totally different story for him. He's been in university for quite a few more years than I have and yet still hasn't graduated with a Bachelor's or really has an idea of what he wants to do. It gets frustrating sometimes when I try to explain to my (very Asian) parents that I, nor does he, knows what he wants to do. It's also hard when we try to plan for the future and closing the distance because he has no idea where he'll be in terms of career.

**TaraMarie** · December 7, 2014, 06:15 PM

We met on Facebook, when we both commented on someone with cancer. I had lost my little sister to cancer two years prior, and he lost his little sister two months prior to our initial conversation. He was a high school friend of my youngest brother, but I never met him as my brother is ten years younger, and they reconnected at my SO's sisters funeral, thanks to Facebook. He asked my brother how he was dealing with the loss daily, and my brother told him he wasn't.....that he was a mess but he should IM me, as I was handing it much better and had been his rock through the entire two year ordeal. He messaged me, we started talk, and I flew to NY four months later. Nearly three years later, we are engaged and plan to marry in September. Our sisters brought us together, and we are grateful for that. He is my soulmate and we are best friends. My marriage was on the rocks for several years before we met, as was his, and this was the catalyst we needed to end those relationships. I have three children (24, 14 and 12). He has no children.
The pros are that I know he adores me, because even with the distance he and I have remained committed to this relationship. It's been hard,and I think we appreciate the time we get to spend together even more. We don't take a minute for granted and are only truly happy when we are together. The cons, aside from the distance, is always being in an airport. We see each other nearly every weekend, and no less than every other weekend. I am fortunate. He can transfer with his company and is currently planning on moving here the end of January, although he will only be here weekends until his transfer comes through. He has rented his house and will stay with him mom during the week. It's not ideal, but the best we can manage right now. The other thing that is really hard is not having him here when I need him. A close friend of mine is dying from ALS, and yesterday I visited him in the hospital. When I came home I was very upset. I just wanted a hug. But he is 900 miles away....and I won't see him until Friday! The heat in my house went out on Monday , and I had to call a repairman, which I HATE to do. I also had to have my car serviced. I will do anything but deal with repairmen! They are my arch nemesis. I was so thankful he was here to put up my Christmas lights. I really didn't want to tackle that one on my own. And the expense is a definite con. Airplane tickets cost a lot of money! Although I think I am blessed because my ex husband is wonderful and still takes care of those things if I ask, but it would be nice to have my SO here to help me.

We text all day long, and FaceTime nearly every night. We communicate very well. Probably better than those in a cd relationship. We both realize that communication is key to a LDR.

We take every day one at a time, and are blessed to have the few days together that we can. I don't think there is anything, aside from distance, that I would change about our relationship. It must be worth it to go to this much trouble to be together, but one day it will be permanent and that will be the happiest day of my life.

**differentcountries** · December 7, 2014, 06:17 PM

Pros:
Letter writing/getting creative while waiting
Prioritizing (to afford travels)
Talking and having to solve misunderstandings with words
visits are always special, like a surprise

Cons:
Physically being apart most of the time
Difficult to meet all of friends and family
Lots of planning and costsly to stay in touch
Never knowing when and how we can close the distance

We met at his job (a restaurant) when I was on holiday, I ordered orange juice and read books in my bikini. He said he liked my body as well as my energy, and used some kind of peer preassure tecnique (announcing that I would date him in front of all my friends) to try to talk me into going on a date with him. I thought he was handsome, friendly and with a lot of self-control (he persued me for 4 days without seeming upset that I let him down), and one of my friends knew him to be a nice guy, and she said she had never seen him so smitten about a girl (he later admitted he never, ever has picked up a girl in such a manner!) and so I said yes to a date and started to fall for him. We spent a couple of days physically together as a couple before I headed home, and 14 months later here we are, seeing a lot of each other. I travel the most because of visa rules, but we are hoping he can come to visit me next month.

It is easy to communicate online as long as the connection is working and we have the tools. In the beginning neither of us had smart phones so we had to do a little purchesing. Also, every time it rains where he lives, the internet connection becomes slow.
We mostly use Skype and Viber. We also text and call each other, send letters/gifts in the mail, and Facebook.
If I could change something about our relationship apart from the distance, it would have to be his work. He is about to finish his education, and once that and military is over with, he might be able to do a career change to something that will suit our LDR much better.

**Unicorn26** · December 7, 2014, 06:19 PM

I met my guy on a Facebook page, we have the same breed of dog and I admired his dog one day and we got chatting. We soon discovered we had a huge amount in common and were the same age. We formed a vey close friendship that developed over time into deeper feelings that we finally admitted to each other.
We communicate via iMessage and FaceTime as both are free. Initially we communicated via Facebook messenger and email with the very occasional phone call but he got an iPhone last year and now FaceTime is our preferred method of communication. We have yet to meet in person, until then our relationship is kind of under wraps. His family know about me but until we have met in person I'm not ready to openly call him my boyfriend. A few close friends know about him and are cool about it. They see how happy he makes me.

Good things about LDR

You get to know each other really well, from the inside out. He calls it ass backwards. I love that.
I know the attraction was for who I am, my personality rather than what I look like.
Heading his voice is really extra special.
A huge amount of trust is needed in a LDR. It's lovely to know he trusts me so much.
Huge efforts are needed in LDR, it's really nice to see the efforts he puts in. Little things mean so much more in LDR.
Time spent together is so precious, far more than in CDR.

Bad things

Bad internet connection. It's very frustrating.
Not being able to be there when bad things happen. It's horrible not to be able to hold them in times of bereavement etc.
Special occasions alone are tough. I wish I could have spoiled him rotten on his birthday.
Text comments can be misread and misconstrued. It can be really horrible if you have a fight over something that was taken out of context.
The cost of travelling is so high.
The timezone sucks.

On the whole, the positives outweigh the negatives. I wouldn't change a thing, except our locations.

**XxFranticLovexX** · December 7, 2014, 06:30 PM

Thank you both as well! <33
Anyone else can still post if you want, it will give me more information to sift through and see what sounds best and will work the best for convincing people that LDRs are legitimate serious relationships!

Originally posted by lovefrom2800milesaway View Post

It gets frustrating sometimes when I try to explain to my (very Asian) parents that I, nor does he, knows what he wants to do.

Nope, you're not too late. ^_^;

I completely understand what you mean with that statement btw! My SO's mother is Portuguese and she is always onto both of us (as well as his brother) about what we are doing with our lives and what our plans for the future are. Then the looks we get when we say "I have no idea at the moment" LOL.

Though, my SO and I do have slight ideas, we just don't like dealing with peoples opinions of them (mainly her telling him that I need to grow up and pick an actual job/trade field and that his choice is stupid >_>;;; ). For now I just want my AS so that I can either find something to do to make money or I can go into a scientific fiend of study if I decide to.

**R&R** · December 7, 2014, 07:57 PM

How did you guys meet?
We met on myyearbook which is now meetme. I originally set up the account to see if I could use it for skip tracing for work and ended up keeping the account for my personal use. He had a lot of women, who were close by to him, who were very interested. I'm a little over 1,000 miles away and figured we would just stick to friendship because (a) I won't be part of a crowd vying for attention (b) we were far away and I'd done that before and just wasn't feeling I was in a place to do a LDR again. Needless to say, when there is something there, sometimes you just can't ignore it. He pursued me and I let him catch me LOL.

What part of maintaining your relationship mainly online makes it easier/more difficult for you?
Easier because I don't feel like we demand each others time. When a text is sent or a call is made and the other doesn't answer, we just know they are busy and we get back to each other when we can. We communicate every day but it doesn't have to be instantly. I like not having that pressure.
I don't find maintaining it online/phone calls/texts to be more difficult. I think it actually has given us opportunity to get to know each other better than we would have if we were close distance because the physical aspect was removed.

What other forms of communication do you use?
Lots of texting! We do try to talk on the phone at least once a day. Skyping has slowed down now that work has really picked up for him. I send cards or the occasional random gift just to say I love you.

What would you change about your relationship if you could (other than the obvious of being together)?
How many hours he works. He owns his own business and it's rare that he has a day he works less than 14-16 hours. It makes it difficult for him to take time off because if he's not working, the work doesn't get done and there is no income. Sometime I wish he just had a normal job.

There are definitely the pros:
Lots of real communication
You don't take time together for granted
You learn how to work towards a common goal together - closing the distance
Opportunity to travel to someplace you might not have otherwise

And the cons:
Missing the physical contact
The cost of plane tickets
Not having him here to help with things when I really could use his assistance

But at least we know it won't be forever. We will have a very strong base of our relationship with really knowing each other before we actually live together. We won't take for granted what it took for us to get there and I think that appreciation will go a long ways.

**FloridaLovesChicago** · December 7, 2014, 08:55 PM

IDK if you need anymore but I was bored so here ya go...

We met via XBOX live playing Call of Duty Black Ops. His "real life" friends were my group of "xbox friends" that I had played with for nearly 3 years. He popped into the game with us one day and was the most obnoxious person I have ever played the game with lol We were never really close cause I found him loud and whiny and didn't play with him unless our other friends were on. He started dating a girl who he worked with and when they broke up he asked my advice on something one day. We probably spent 4 hours talking about relationships that evening (only me and him...no one else was on at that time). After that, idk... a great friendship blossomed I suppose. He eventually found me on facebook through one of our friends and added me...then texts, phone calls, then skype - this all happening over about a 4 month period. In March of this year he started calling me his "fake or pretend girlfriend" to his friends, co-workers, ME, etc...that was his way of hinting he wanted me to be his girlfriend I guess. (we're super mature...haha) Finally on April 1st we proclaimed ourselves a couple and immediately starting making plans to meet. 5 months later we were on Vacation in Orlando together. We flew into the airport about 45 mins apart. I got there first and went to his gate to wait for him. He was the last person to get off the plane, which I am pretty sure he did on purpose.

I was so nervous the whole time, nearly physically sick but when I saw him, I just ran. I jumped on that man and wrapped my arms around him so damn tight lol From the second I put my hands on him, all the nervousness went away. I was so happy, and content, and exactly where I was supposed to be. We spent 5 incredible days in Orlando, and two hours crying at the airport during our "see you later". I visited him again, at his home in November for 5 days.

What makes it work?
Although we are far apart, I am closer to him than anyone else I've ever dated (and I'm 31...and I have a child with a man whom I was with for 8 years). Being in this relationship long distance has given me the opportunity to share myself with him and get to know him on such a deeper level than with anyone else.

We have both learned how to communicate better. We talk about everything and resolve everything with kind words instead of making something little turn into something big.

I know that he loves me for me, and that I am important enough to him to ride this long hard road with.

Oh, and TRUST TRUST TRUST.

AND TRUST.

How do we communicate?

We text off and on all day long. I wake up to a morning text from him and it goes all day from there. He gets off around 330pm and calls me. We usually spend about an hour on the phone, then more texting, and maybe a good night call if I'm not busy (he goes to bed around 7pm as he works at 3am!)

What would I change?

I can't think of much other than the distance of course.
I'd say one negative thing would be that you get a lot of shit for being in an LDR - people dont understand and therefore they judge.

That's all I got

**XxFranticLovexX** · December 7, 2014, 10:29 PM

Paper is finished and submitted. Thank you all for your posts and help, I really appreciate it! <33

Announcement

Needing personal accounts of LDRs for my final essay- by 11:00 tonight!

Needing personal accounts of LDRs for my final essay- by 11:00 tonight!

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