What's cheating for you?

[Cristiana]

Cheating, although it could be something universal and objective, is something different from person to person.

What's cheating for you guys? Is it just the classical physical contact, or is it something more? Like thinking about someone else, flirting, having a crush, infatuation..?

According to me, cheating is whatever your SO would feel disappointed about. So it really depends on the other's character.
Share your thoughts.

[Petals]

My definition of cheating is kissing, fondling, sexual intercourse or other sexually related act as well as sharing intimate conversation (info that he would not feel comfortable talking about with me present).

Light flirting is ok to me...maybe because I'm a flirt at times lol. I dance with the opposite sex sometimes when I go to a party or club but that's where it stops. No exchange of phone numbers or spending private time with those guys...I make it clear that I'm in a serious relationship and I do not entertain conversation that I could not comfortably share with my SO.

My SO knows that I sometimes dance with guys when I go out and he's quite ok with that. I

[Cristiana]

Light flirting is ok to me...maybe because I'm a flirt at times lol. I dance with the opposite sex sometimes when I go to a party or club but that's where it stops. No exchange of phone numbers or spending private time with those guys...I make it clear that I'm in a serious relationship and I do not entertain conversation that I could not comfortably share with my SO.

My SO knows that I sometimes dance with guys when I go out and he's quite ok with that. I

I do this too. I remember the first time I texted him worried saying "Hey love yesterday I was in a club, my friends left me alone and I danced with a random guy, he wanted to kiss me but I was like no way Im in a relationship did I do something wrong" lol and he almost laughed at me

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I think that the boundaries of relationships are something that only the two (or more) people in them can define. Personally, I would not feel comfortable dancing with another guy just like I'd be pissed if my boyfriend danced with someone else. I'm already anxious enough when he goes out when I'm across the world, any blurring of the boundaries would make me crazy. It's so easy to transition from dancing (which already is pretty sexual normally) to kissing especially if alcohol is involved. I wouldn't want to put myself in any situation like that. With that being said, we talked about what our boundaries were being LD vs CD like the first year we were together and we decided that we didn't want any of those boundaries to change. That means that anything that I would avoid if we were CD (like dancing, kissing, flirting) I am still avoiding now that we are LD. With that being said, I know couples who are LD and their boundaries include flirting, dancing, kissing, or sex. It just kind of depends on the couple.

[R&R]

For me, cheating can be both physical and emotional intimacy. The obvious kissing, sex, etc. But emotional can be just as bad. We know the connections we have with our SO's and for so many of us, that connection happened before we even met in person. If my SO is having that type of connection with another woman, that would be cheating to me as well.

[differentcountries]

Cheating is for me to break the rules. It can be big rules or smaller ones. For instance, I have promised my husband and boyfriend that I will not get together with anyone but them, emotionally, sexually and so on. My boyfriend is only going to be with me. My husband has promised to keep me in the loop of any love interests and never sex on the first night because I have to know about it and approve of it. Another rule, the most important thing, is honesty and sharing important things. I feel very bad if SO keeps something from me, even if it is just that the cat fell from the window, I get very upset over it.

Dancing with someone else is not cheating in my book. I have danced with others while SO watched me. He doesn't like to dance and I love it, so he thinks it is fun to watch me dance with others. But slow "make out dance" I do with my dear ones only, unless it is like a joke with a friend or something like that, because to my experience people will become sexual.

Being engaged with someone is not cheating either. His job is very social and he actually asked for my permission to go out with female clients, which I think is very cute. I trust him, he has female friends too and I don't think he is into any of them, he is just a very friendly guy.

[lucybelle]

Dancing=cheating? What kind of dancing are you all doing??!!

[TooFarAway]

Unfortunately, I can sometimes be a crazy jealous girlfriend and make little things into more than what it really is lmao. Especially with the distance, I get so jealous of people who get to even breathe the same air as him sometimes.
But I agree with the fact that cheating can be both physical and emotional intimacy. Cheating is not solely only physical since there's growing issue with cheating online on social media and dating websites/aps etc. xD

[differentcountries]

Oh, getting a dating app I would consider cheating. Even with my husband, I dont tolerante him to actively seek out people to date, I prefer him falling for someone we already know that I can relate to. And of course my monogamous boyfriend has no use for dating apps unless he is looking to replace me.

[TooFarAway]

I guess any type of action can be considered cheating based on the intent of your partner. xD If their intention is to get with or be intimate with another person in an inappropriate way by doing whatever it is, than it is cheating. That's why even something as simple as dancing could be seen as cheating, because we think they're dancing with another person to get with them even though it can be really just nothing xD

[lovingthealien]

I would call it cheating if my boyfriend:
-Holds hands with a girl, kisses a girl, or has any other physical contact above that level with a girl
-Spends time exclusively with a girl who doesn't know he has a girlfriend

Yes, I get jealous when my boyfriend spends time with, or even texts other girls... but I usually know it's just me being paranoid, and I need to give him a social life. It's hard not to get jealous when you're in an LDR and your partner is so far away, but he needs a social life, you know? I try to be okay with him spending time with girls, as long as:
1. The girl he's spending one-on-one time with knows that he has a girlfriend.
2. He tells me in advance that he's hanging out with her.

For me, cheating can be both physical and emotional intimacy. The obvious kissing, sex, etc. But emotional can be just as bad. We know the connections we have with our SO's and for so many of us, that connection happened before we even met in person. If my SO is having that type of connection with another woman, that would be cheating to me as well.

I think the difference between physical and emotional "cheating" is that with emotional cheating, there's really no way around it. I would be super hurt and furious if my boyfriend got drunk and made out with another girl, but the chances of me forgiving him aren't exactly zero... whereas if he developed a crush on another girl -- an actual crush, not just "oh she's pretty" or "wow she's hot" -- there's really no option but to break up. There's no way I'm going to stay with someone who's got their heart set on someone else.

[whatruckus]

To me: Anything physical, other than a kiss on the cheek/hug/fun dancing (no grinding). Emotional cheating: secret messaging, flirting, dating apps, swapping pictures...

Anything that could lead to something.

I'm an extremely insecure/jealous person by nature and my SO knows this. I don't even like when he goes out to dinner with his "best" friend that's a girl.

[R&R]

I think the difference between physical and emotional "cheating" is that with emotional cheating, there's really no way around it. I would be super hurt and furious if my boyfriend got drunk and made out with another girl, but the chances of me forgiving him aren't exactly zero... whereas if he developed a crush on another girl -- an actual crush, not just "oh she's pretty" or "wow she's hot" -- there's really no option but to break up. There's no way I'm going to stay with someone who's got their heart set on someone else.

If my bf got drunk and kissed someone else - well, I don't see drunk as an excuse. So for me, that would end the relationship. I know others could possibly work through that but not me. I used to have that capacity in me. However, I did take someone back who had cheated and I thought we could work through it. Surprise, surprise - the next time he cheated I found out because he got the girl pregnant. So after that - I will never give a man a second chance if he cheats, no matter the situation.

I think you are dead on about what you said about the emotional cheating. On-line cheating or being in an LDR with someone you haven't met can actually be used in divorce courts now as a valid reason for divorce.

[snow]

I think in person, I would think anything that puts another female above my needs. I don't mind if he sacrifices time with me for his family or close friends, but if he did that for a stranger, I'd feel betrayed. It's hard to draw a line though. I would definitely not have a problem if he held hands with a dear friend, but I would feel uncomfortable if he did that with a stranger. Since we met online, I very well count anything flirtatious online as cheating, because this is kind of how we started and I know how things like these can happen without realizing it.
Being flirtatious I try not to have a problem with, but it's difficult.

[whatruckus]

I think in person, I would think anything that puts another female above my needs. I don't mind if he sacrifices time with me for his family or close friends, but if he did that for a stranger, I'd feel betrayed. It's hard to draw a line though. I would definitely not have a problem if he held hands with a dear friend, but I would feel uncomfortable if he did that with a stranger. Since we met online, I very well count anything flirtatious online as cheating, because this is kind of how we started and I know how things like these can happen without realizing it.
Being flirtatious I try not to have a problem with, but it's difficult.

I hate to say it, but I'm really scarred from my ex. He used to flirt with girls in front of me, and he did the emotional cheating as well as the physical. So pretty much everything I consider cheating is something that my ex had done while we were together, so I don't have much tolerance for any of it. Again, my SO knows all of this, so I think that's also always on the back of his mind. I never think he's actually going to do it, but I'd rather he not put himself in a situation where it could happen.

I also wanted to mention that even though I'm not entirely okay with my SO going out to dinner with his "best" friend, I don't tell him not to. He still hangs out with her sometimes. It would be completely different if he invited her over to his house to hang out, or she invited him. I don't know why, but if that happened it would definitely make me second guess, at least for a little while.

I've always had bad experiences with my boyfriend (not my current SO) having a friend that was a girl. It happened with my ex and it even happened when I dated someone during high school (he dumped me in an IM over AIM and told me he fell in love with his friend). I know I shouldn't hold it against my SO, but it's hard for sometimes to consider that a coincidence, and then knowing girls who were "the friend' at first who broke up a couple.

I just don't understand why people do that in the first place. What is the appeal?