Future wife?! What is he thinking?

[JC2122]

[/QUOTE] BTW: He is not asking you to marry him just because he said something loosely about marriage. He is just tossing something on the table to see how the both of you feel about it.[/QUOTE]

What things could he say to suggest he is interested in marriage?

[Unicorn26]

I think you really need to stop thinking about marriage.

Marriage is not the be all and end all. Marriage is hard. Men often get complacent once their married and take what they have for granted. And before anyone kicks off on here and says not all men are like that, yes I know. But some are. And her guy shows all the signs of being one of those type of guys. His replies come across as if he's not at all interested.

He seems like the kind of guy who doesn't communicate very well, it appears he is keeping you at arms length. He is a lot older than you and you come across as very naive, very needy and to be totally honest, a little bit unstable.

You need to slow down, stop depending on him for your happiness. True happiness comes from within. Men hate needy. Men like girls who've got it together, are independent and will be an asset to their lives not an emotional drain. Step back, breathe, slow down.

I don't think you're ready for a relationship. I think you need to work out who you are and learn to love yourself. It would be very helpful to learn how to deal with your anxiety and self confidence issues before you try and have a meaningful relationship with anyone, let alone someone a lot older than you in a LDR.

[conejita_hada]

Every person is different so his initiating talk on marriage could defer. That said, when someone is serious about something and someone, generally there's a directed question or comment in some way. Example, my SO told me one day he looked forward to the day when I was his wife. It wasn't a proposal, it was a statement about the future that started our discussion about taking our relationship to the next step.

The conversation you posted doesn't indicate that. I'd agree with some of the posters questioning his interest if this is a typical conversation. I do understand conversations where one person provides mainly one-word answers but generally, conversations are deeper than that. Conversations like the one you posted happen for my SO and myself when we are busy and don't have time for the other. It goes "hi, how are you?" to a few comments, to "sorry, i'm in class" or "sorry, i'm working". If a person cares about the other, they take the time to ask them meaningful questions or at least provide some detail in the response.

As someone else questioned, does he ever initiate conversation or contact of any sort? Do you Skype/video chat?

[JC2122]

Well my So is a very hardworking man. He works 7 days a week, 10+ hours a day. His work requires a lot of time and concentration. He makes time for me throughout the day and our conversation really consists of saying sweet things, and me asking him alot of questions. He replies depending on how importantt he feels is it. I tend to ask thr same things alot because i just need reassurance, so he answers short because he knows I remember. In fact i asked i said why are u always so short with me when I ask questions? He said because we've already talked about all of these things and my answers haven't changed and if they did i'd tell you. I know what marriage entails and so does he. He hints at the possibilty often. He's 40 yrs old he wouldn't play with me, he doesn't have the time. I just guess i'm missing something

[Schlafmütze]

I show my man comments on threads sometimes, because I think they might be interesting to him or sometimes it's about something we had a conversation about and it shows a new point of view.

Sure, I sometimes do the same. However, what I really meant is, I find showing questions like "how old is too old?" or "What is he thinking?" to be quite embarrassing. Why on earth do you go and ask on a forum what do they think I am thinking? Why don't you straight forward ask me? How could they know? All they will do is suppose and that sometimes doesn't help much at all. Why does it matter to you how old people think it is too old? When at the end it is our relationship and not theirs and what really matters is what you and I think and are comfortable with.

After reading all the threads started by JC2122, I think the issue is more that she being unsure if he is the right one.

[whatruckus]

Well my So is a very hardworking man. He works 7 days a week, 10+ hours a day. His work requires a lot of time and concentration. He makes time for me throughout the day and our conversation really consists of saying sweet things, and me asking him alot of questions. He replies depending on how importantt he feels is it. I tend to ask thr same things alot because i just need reassurance, so he answers short because he knows I remember. In fact i asked i said why are u always so short with me when I ask questions? He said because we've already talked about all of these things and my answers haven't changed and if they did i'd tell you. I know what marriage entails and so does he. He hints at the possibilty often. He's 40 yrs old he wouldn't play with me, he doesn't have the time. I just guess i'm missing something

Age doesn't matter if he's going to play with you or not. Also, if you keep asking him the same things, stop. Obviously he's starting to get bored or annoyed by your constant questions...of the same topics. Does he ever ask you questions? Not just the usual, "how was your day", but does he ask you questions like the type you ask? Hinting isn't really the same as actually coming out and saying it. Plus, as I've said before, you guys have only really been dating for like 2 months. If you're asking him these types of questions so soon, and so often, I can really see him losing interest after a while, or just becoming irritated.

Hardworking or not, even my SO still finds the time to have deep conversations with me, along with the usual banter. If you need that much reassurance, then maybe you need to evaluate yourself and how secure you are.

[differentcountries]

I know what marriage entails and so does he. He hints at the possibilty often.

So why are you starting a debate about what he is saying about marriage?

[whatruckus]

Also, if he was considering marriage with you, he'd probably say something like, "I think of you being my wife someday" or "When we get married". That's what my SO says. While still not definitive, it's more direct. Or, maybe he'd even come right out with it and say, "I want you to be my wife."

[Unicorn26]

I know plenty of 40 year old players, and some a lot older too...

I don't think you can say you know what marriage entails unless you've been married, or AT LEAST cohabited, just as you can't say you know what motherhood entails without having children.

[Nymeria]

I agree with whatrukus.
To me, you seem unsure or not very confident about what you yourself think about the topics you start. Even though a question like "how old is too old" is interesting, and might lead to interesting discussions, I'm not sure if it's the right thing to ask if you yourself haven't made your mind up about it. It's the reassurance part you talk about - I think you might be hoping to get reassurance here?
If that is the case, I'm not sure if this is the right way, cause some answers will help, others might be more confusing.
What I think you should do is really make your mind up about who you are, what your opinions are and if you can really commit to this relationship. 18 years is a big age difference(not saying too big, just big) and I do think that you two are in very different stages of live. While he seems to be settled in and all, you seem to be at a Point in life where you are going through a lot of changes in your life.
His short answers are probably not because he's not interested, but probably really about what you yourself said - you guys talked about it, you know the answer. If that is the case, you shouldn't overthink it too much. If he told you you was beautiful yesterday, he probably still thinks so today.
(also men in my exprience find that pretty obvious that it's still how it was yesterday until they say different, it's us girls who fuss about it)

But again, this is just my interpretations on reading this thread.

[snow]

Sure, I sometimes do the same. However, what I really meant is, I find showing questions like "how old is too old?" or "What is he thinking?" to be quite embarrassing. Why on earth do you go and ask on a forum what do they think I am thinking? Why don't you straight forward ask me? How could they know? All they will do is suppose and that sometimes doesn't help much at all. Why does it matter to you how old people think it is too old? When at the end it is our relationship and not theirs and what really matters is what you and I think and are comfortable with.

After reading all the threads started by JC2122, I think the issue is more that she being unsure if he is the right one.

I totally misunderstood you then! I completely agree with you!

[JC2122]

Well I love him and he feels the same thats all that matters I guess. Things will be different when we are in the same location and are able to hang out and talk, as opposed to texting all the time.

[differentcountries]

Well I love him and he feels the same thats all that matters I guess. Things will be different when we are in the same location and are able to hang out and talk, as opposed to texting all the time.

Things will be different and yet the same.
You will still have the same personalities, and the same things that annoys you or make you insecure.

[JC2122]

Well at least then I will know that he truly wants to be with me.

[R&R]

When are you supposed to get together?

After reading through all the posts and some other of your threads, I am in agreement with the others who say that you should really reconsider this relationship. I'm older (44) and I know I say this a lot to the younger ones on here - but I try to give advice that I would give to my daughters who are almost 19 & 20. If you were my daughter and this is how the relationship was going with their SO, I'd tell them that it was their choice but that I would strongly urge them to end it. There doesn't seem to be a real connection between the two of you. Just because you are supposed to get together doesn't change the relationship.

I know not everyone matures the same, but watching how you interact with your SO and how my daughter interacts with her SO (he is also LD - he's in the military and currently in Uzbekistan) the two connections are so vastly different. He is very busy also and in dangerous situations at times, but they still take time to plan their future. They Skype as often as possible. The house hunt online together. They are planning a wedding. She's going to his sisters wedding. She's been hungry and he's gone online, ordered pizza and had it delivered to her. The interaction between you and your SO seems like he's just trying to placate you, not like he's really vested in the relationship.