Future wife?! What is he thinking?

[JC2122]

Just the fact that after 3 months he hasn't trusted me with his phone number really speaks volumes. I'm tired of not feeling important or wanted and making all the efforts. I'm going to seriously consider ending things with him as i do not think he wants me, despite what he has said. I've been played ike a fiddle in 80% of my relationships, and instead of feeling intense joy, i feel dread and gloom. Im not sure how to approach him about this because I have wanted to end this before but he dosen't want to, or i come back. Its hard making the right decision, but i'm going to take some time and see what i come up with.

[lucybelle]

In the span of a day you went from "omg he wants to marry me?" to "I'm going to seriously consider ending things"

Umm...?

[JC2122]

This is probably the 4th or 5th time I have said such. I have been thinking about things since he told me he loved me about a month and a half ago. I have told him I have doubts and worries many many times. I really do care about him and everything but every time I mention maybe just being friends and only friends he doesn't like that idea at all. Like I've been saying its hard to write all of this out using the right words.

[R&R]

This is probably the 4th or 5th time I have said such. I have been thinking about things since he told me he loved me about a month and a half ago. I have told him I have doubts and worries many many times. I really do care about him and everything but every time I mention maybe just being friends and only friends he doesn't like that idea at all. Like I've been saying its hard to write all of this out using the right words.

Well I hate to break it to him but a relationship involves two people and generally when one ends - at least one party isn't happy about it. Caring about someone and being in love with someone are two vastly different things. At this point, you have received all sorts of red flags and should you choose to end it, then he will just have to deal with that. His happiness or what he wants isn't your responsibility if you decide you are done with the relationship. He's a grown man and he will survive.

[JC2122]

he for some reason has been extremely distant the past 2 days and I told him that maybe you guys are right, referring to the forum comments. His exact reply was" Well its hard to talk when I'm working dear. But if that's how you feel" He irritates me so much sometimes. Its like why can't you do more for me. I just want to ask him that. I probably won't hear from him for another day or two and by then I hope to have come to a decision.

[Unigirl]

It sucks he said that "I thought you wanted to marry me" because that isn't clear at all because he could be implying he thinks you're a tad clingy (which I doubt you are btw!). If he had said well maybe I want to marry... and hinted at anything to do with a special girl or even outright said you then it would be different, but his previous messages seemed a bit short, maybe he was irritated that you care what other people think enough to ask about age? That's usually what my SO goes quite about. And so he might just be testing the waters to see how serious you are about him if hes worried you care what people think? Again that's just what my SO is like

[R&R]

he for some reason has been extremely distant the past 2 days and I told him that maybe you guys are right, referring to the forum comments. His exact reply was" Well its hard to talk when I'm working dear. But if that's how you feel" He irritates me so much sometimes. Its like why can't you do more for me. I just want to ask him that. I probably won't hear from him for another day or two and by then I hope to have come to a decision.

I don't care how much someone works. When I had two jobs and was working 60+ hours a week and he has his own business where he can easily put in 14-16 hour days....we still made time every day. If someone wants to make time, they will....whether you are CD or LD. Honestly, it sounds like he leads you on just enough to keep you hanging. IMHO, I would end it, block him from contacting you and spend time on yourself. Charles J Orlando is a great resource on relationships. You can find him on facebook or his website is www.charlesjorlando.com - I think you could find some good advice on there.

[whatruckus]

Honestly, it sounds like he leads you on just enough to keep you hanging.

What I've been saying since she first started posting on this site.

[JC2122]

So tell me what this means:

He has sent maybe 20 messages in the past 2 days and the majority of which he has sent in the past hour this is how the conversation has gone.

This is the first message I sent Tuesday morning
Me Its freezing baby! Colorado is not in my future.
So: Well alrighty then
Me: whats the matter?
So: Nothing why
Me: You seem different
So: I only said three words. How can I sound different
Me: Because usually you'd make some joke or something
So: not really
Me: well alright
I guess not the response I thought I'd get
SO: Asking questions you expect a certain response to is a bad idea
Me: I didn't ask a question. I made a statement I thought was cute. I thought you'd smile
So: You're killing me with the semantics
Me: I don't know what that means
So: Never mind . But i'll talk to you later
Me: alright have a good day

This Is from Today:

Me: Did I do something to upset you
So: whats up
Me: Just wanted to say hi
So: so whats up buttercup
Me: I miss you
So I'm right here
Me; Well hi
So: Hi
Me Hru
So: I'm good just working as usual
Me: mhmm
I love you
Having a discussion about you and us, I'm trying to defend my man
So: With who today?
and I love you too
Me The online community
So: What now
Me: they say you are a creep, that you don't care, that you don't have time for me. That your not interested, your a player etc...
So : Because they don't know me
Me: thats why I said I was defending you
So: Thanks babe
Me: I posted one of our conversations
So: Why
Me Why not
So: because you're the one who has issues with me talking to other people about what we talk about
Me: No I don't, talk to whoever about whatever i don't mind. but keep in mind these are total strangers
So Does that make a difference?
Me: yes because the people you may talk to I may meet one day and I want a fair chance not a pre conceived idea about who I am
So: hmm I dunno about that
Me: y not
So: It's just how things are
Me: Well like i said i want you to talk to others about our conversations
Well I hope you have a good day
Maybe they are right this is stupid
So:Well its hard to talk when I'm working dear. But if that's what you think
Me: Well it makes me feel so sad, It's been 2 days
I'm about ready to just be done. I can get this cold shoulder treatment elsewhere, I don't need it or want it from my boyfriend. I'm tired very tired
So: It hasn't been 2 days
Me: today and yesterday
So: I haven't given anyone the cold shoulder
Me; Yes you have me
So: how so
Me: You've been gone
So: I haven't been gone, Ive been working
Me: ok
And if you refer to me as anyone I will cry
So: I was just saying you and everyone else. I don't do that ever
Me: Ok
It sure does feel that way
So: Because I can't spend all day talking to you? Because I have alot of work
Me: Ok anytime will do
So: I spent alot of time I didn't have this morning talking to you
Me: we didn't talk this morning
So; Yes we did, but ok
Me: Its just a bummer
So: Then find a guy who doesn't have a job
Me: Wow
I don't think I deserved that, just for missing you
So: No, but you've been complaining all night wasting what time we do have that you don't get enough time
Me: I'm sorry, How was your day?
So: Not good
Me: Did something go wrong?
So: yes but thats life
Me: I'm sorry
Well I'm sure you are tired
So: Its been a stressful day
Me: What happened
So: I was helping my mom today. She was in the hospital this morning
Me oh no
is she alright?
So: Its just the usual stuff, shell be fine
Me: oh is it because of her lupus
So: yes, its been causing her to have lots of siezures
Me: thats terrible
So: well yea
Me: Well im sorry you are dealing with that
So: Ive been dealing with it my whole life
Me: Thats scary and kinda sad
So: a lot of both
me: Thats so sad
So: My mom was diagnosed 40 yrs ago, Its all i know
Me: Really she had lupus when you were born?
So: before that, I didn't want to do the math
Me: thats very sad
So: I know. But nobody like to math
Me: Not the math love. Ur funny
So: I am funny
Me: Well goodnight
So: night
And that was tonight's conversation.... What do you think? Give him a chance?

[conejita_hada]

If he is dragging you along, he's not going to say as much. People work, sometimes they don't have time for the other but like I said before, just because a person has a busy schedule doesn't mean they can't have a conversation with substance. I understand defending his work schedule and a lot of members on this site have SOs who have hectic work schedules. They still either talk on the phone once in a while or have more in-depth conversations on a messenger application. I'm saying this as a person completely neutral to your relationship: it sounds like he is not invested in your relationship and says certain things to appease you or keep you thinking he does. He doesn't sound like a creep. He sounds like he doesn't care. If you tell him this though, he's going to argue against it because no person wants to hear that.

Why does a person who love you refuse to give you his phone number after three months of being in a relationship? Your significant other should treat you better than that.

[XxFranticLovexX]

There will never be a way to know without a doubt if someone wants to be with you forever and won't do anything to hurt you. You just have to trust them. If he wants to marry you he will let you know in time. And as for the age difference, if it doesn't matter to you at all then don't mention it. There is a slight age difference between my SO and I but it is never even mentioned/thought about unless someone is asking our ages or something.

[rubydissolution]

Honestly the more conversations i read between you two he sounds like someone who is resisting the urge to yell,"omg shut up!!!" The way you talk to him, the constant questions, and telling him ur discussing your relationship with strangers online, I would be soooooooo annoyed! And I totally get that from his texts. Three words in ur assuming something is wrong, then you start the following conversation asking if u upset him and then half way through that conversation you ask if he is OK? Do you hear yourself?

[Dezface]

If he loved you like you wish he did, you'd know it. You wouldn't have to be reading so much into his every word. It would just show.

[Harlequin]

The more I read these conversations, they more ridiculous they really seem to be. I'm going to have to second what Ruby said.
I'm only 23, and I would never put up with conversations like that. It very much reminds me of something I would have done when I was 15 and just starting out with dating.

In his defense, you're never going to get any sort of answer from him if you keep doing this. How can he possibly answer you when no answer seems good enough? Why would he want to give you an answer knowing that you're going to turn around and tell a bunch of strangers, who he believes have a negative view of him already, everything? There's nothing wrong with needing advice and sharing information in order to get it. There is something wrong with basically being like, "I copy/pasted some of our conversations to a group of strangers and now they think you're a creepy jerk." That's not really fair to him. That being said...

Ultimately, I don't think he's particularly into this relationship at all. I'm not sure what he's looking for, but I don't think he's being genuine with you. I think you can find someone better.
Before you find someone better, though, you need to do some soul-searching. I've been in a few absolutely terrible relationships, so I get how they can completely destroy you and make you insecure. I think that this relationship is bringing out the worst in you, making you act in a way that you wouldn't normally behave. It's making you come across as childish and clingy. It makes me wonder if you're actually 22 (or possibly a troll), which is a problem. Relationships shouldn't do that to people. He doesn't have what you're looking for. If he did, you wouldn't be making these posts.

You're saying you love him, you've mentioned marriage, and you've only been dating a very short while. Where's the fire? Slow down. Take a few steps back. Look at how insecure he's making you feel, and cut him loose. You need to learn to love yourself and reclaim the autonomy that you've lost. Relationships go a whole lot better when you can function independently, and you aren't so easily strung along by unfulfilled promises of security. Also, you'll feel better overall.

Neither of you deserve the stress that the relationship seems to be causing.

[Ambert]

I don't really know whats the problem with this conversation actually, apart from it being really short/dry...

As the others are saying, you are overthinking it way too much. You were just fooling around!!

And marrying a woman is NOT ew!

Edit: After reading another conv between you guys, it does seem a bit sketchy. Also, don't post every chat you have with him, he might not be OK with that lol :P