Future wife?! What is he thinking?

[JC2122]

I have actually typed out both conversations, no copy and paste.

[Ahava]

The thing I don't get is why are you even thinking marriage when you two haven't even met?
And like others have straight out said or atleast implied, if the relationship is so stressfull in the beginning (when you should be all lovey dovey in the honeymoon phase) I can't see it going anywhere.
You are the same age I was when I got together and later married my ex and had children. It was a mistake (but a great life lesson and the kids obviously aren't a mistake). I was vulnerable, insecure and because I thought that he is probably the best I can do and that I don't want to be alone...all this even though there were tell tale signs of problems right from the beginning. We didn't really hit it of or have fun. The relationship made me nauteous (in a bad way) at times already in the beginning and a couple months into dating I broke it off coz it didn't make me feel good. But after a week we got back together because well I didn't want to be alone.

Don't go that way! You are young and can make an easier life for you. You don't need a man to make you feel whole or to solve your problems.
Learn to love yourself. And then when you are ready for love it will find you

He should be your best friend whom you have fun together with and can joke around!
Because well after the magic and sparks and passion goes grey, atleast you will still have the friendship to help you through hard times. If you can find someone who makes you laugh and vice versa, you've found Mr right

[Schlafmütze]

I have actually typed out both conversations, no copy and paste.

That makes no difference haha. There is also a high chance that they are made up conversations? Who knows!

[Ahava]

Just for the fun off it...

Me:
Morning babe
A little tired but otherwise good
You?
You coming to work today?
Or just alredy busy with clients?
More speeding tickets?
At least if you were speeding you should be there on time :P
Yuhuuuuuu????

Him:
hey
im here at last
I slept in til 10 past 7 :O
got to work at 8
and had a nightmare 20 mins trying to sort out a parcel that as gone walkabouts
and now im an hour behind
another shitty start to the day

Me:
oh no
but you mentioned something about having a lay in yesterday :P

Him:
lol I know
i was only kidding about that

Me: lol
Him: but it came true:P

And that is all I will copy and paste....

[Ahava]

You typed all this by HAND?

So tell me what this means:

He has sent maybe 20 messages in the past 2 days and the majority of which he has sent in the past hour this is how the conversation has gone.

This is the first message I sent Tuesday morning
Me Its freezing baby! Colorado is not in my future.
So: Well alrighty then
Me: whats the matter?
So: Nothing why
Me: You seem different
So: I only said three words. How can I sound different
Me: Because usually you'd make some joke or something
So: not really
Me: well alright
I guess not the response I thought I'd get
SO: Asking questions you expect a certain response to is a bad idea
Me: I didn't ask a question. I made a statement I thought was cute. I thought you'd smile
So: You're killing me with the semantics
Me: I don't know what that means
So: Never mind . But i'll talk to you later
Me: alright have a good day

This Is from Today:

Me: Did I do something to upset you
So: whats up
Me: Just wanted to say hi
So: so whats up buttercup
Me: I miss you
So I'm right here
Me; Well hi
So: Hi
Me Hru
So: I'm good just working as usual
Me: mhmm
I love you
Having a discussion about you and us, I'm trying to defend my man
So: With who today?
and I love you too
Me The online community
So: What now
Me: they say you are a creep, that you don't care, that you don't have time for me. That your not interested, your a player etc...
So : Because they don't know me
Me: thats why I said I was defending you
So: Thanks babe
Me: I posted one of our conversations
So: Why
Me Why not
So: because you're the one who has issues with me talking to other people about what we talk about
Me: No I don't, talk to whoever about whatever i don't mind. but keep in mind these are total strangers
So Does that make a difference?
Me: yes because the people you may talk to I may meet one day and I want a fair chance not a pre conceived idea about who I am
So: hmm I dunno about that
Me: y not
So: It's just how things are
Me: Well like i said i want you to talk to others about our conversations
Well I hope you have a good day
Maybe they are right this is stupid
So:Well its hard to talk when I'm working dear. But if that's what you think
Me: Well it makes me feel so sad, It's been 2 days
I'm about ready to just be done. I can get this cold shoulder treatment elsewhere, I don't need it or want it from my boyfriend. I'm tired very tired
So: It hasn't been 2 days
Me: today and yesterday
So: I haven't given anyone the cold shoulder
Me; Yes you have me
So: how so
Me: You've been gone
So: I haven't been gone, Ive been working
Me: ok
And if you refer to me as anyone I will cry
So: I was just saying you and everyone else. I don't do that ever
Me: Ok
It sure does feel that way
So: Because I can't spend all day talking to you? Because I have alot of work
Me: Ok anytime will do
So: I spent alot of time I didn't have this morning talking to you
Me: we didn't talk this morning
So; Yes we did, but ok
Me: Its just a bummer
So: Then find a guy who doesn't have a job
Me: Wow
I don't think I deserved that, just for missing you
So: No, but you've been complaining all night wasting what time we do have that you don't get enough time
Me: I'm sorry, How was your day?
So: Not good
Me: Did something go wrong?
So: yes but thats life
Me: I'm sorry
Well I'm sure you are tired
So: Its been a stressful day
Me: What happened
So: I was helping my mom today. She was in the hospital this morning
Me oh no
is she alright?
So: Its just the usual stuff, shell be fine
Me: oh is it because of her lupus
So: yes, its been causing her to have lots of siezures
Me: thats terrible
So: well yea
Me: Well im sorry you are dealing with that
So: Ive been dealing with it my whole life
Me: Thats scary and kinda sad
So: a lot of both
me: Thats so sad
So: My mom was diagnosed 40 yrs ago, Its all i know
Me: Really she had lupus when you were born?
So: before that, I didn't want to do the math
Me: thats very sad
So: I know. But nobody like to math
Me: Not the math love. Ur funny
So: I am funny
Me: Well goodnight
So: night
And that was tonight's conversation.... What do you think? Give him a chance?

[Nymeria]

I think this has turned ito a very complicated matter.
If my SO would tell me "I wrote our conversation down in an Internet Forum" I would, seriously, be annoyed. Especially when he also would tell me "I have asked opinions on it."
We all don't know you, him, your relationship or other circumstances.

Yes, I do make time for Messaging with my SO at work. But usaully for conversations like "how's it going, what are your plans for the day" I would certainly NOT get into a discussion about not loving him enough, being distant and what not. Cause I am at work, and would not have the mind for it. If I also had my Mum in Hospital with a serious illness, I would even less be up for all the questions that were in that conversation you posted. If I were in his Situation, I would tell you straight out to shut up for the Moment and I talk to you tonight. And if then something like "You are giving me the cold shoulder" would come back, I'd be fuming. Sometimes circumstances just don't need another matter to add.
Also, whatever he sais, you don't seem to be happy with it. He said "I haven't given anyone the cold shoulder" to me, That means, he is not of the opinion that he's giving anyone, including you, the cold shoulder. Full stopp. At some point you have to believe in his answer and in what he sais.

I'm not trying to defend him or anything, I can't judge if he's into the relationship or not. If you break up or not is entirely up to you, but with behaviour like this, loads of others out there would run for the hills.
Especially People over, say, 25 - your conversations read similar to a conversation a Mum might have with her Little kid - cause they Need reassurance for building of their self esteem and at some point are in the Phase where they question everything Mum says. It's exhausting, those conversations.
You seem to be in Need of much more Attention that he is able to give you at the Moment.
And if that's how conversations between you and any SO are/might be, then my advise is try to sort yourself and your insecurities and reassurance problems out before entering any other relationships.

[lucybelle]

I'm not sure why everyone seems to be blaming the SO for strange behavior. OP writes to him "what's wrong? Why didn't you make a joke at that cute thing I said?" I mean geeze, that's ridiculously annoying. I'm surprised he's held on for so long!

[p_b82]

I have to say like other people have said, I would be seriously pissed off if my GF copied and pasted (or wrote by hand) our conversations online.... I have mentioned to her I am on a forum, and how I have given some details of things we are going through, but not specifics and she is fine with that....

Secondly, You are very emotionally immature. You do not ever need to get the advice from a bunch of strangers to direct you in your life, especially not in terms of a longer term relationship. I do not think the guy is a creep, I think he has just found some-one that he can 'play' with. He is not committed to it longer term I don't think, but I think that is because he doesn't think you are; and that is because of my comment about emotional immaturity. You flit from idea to idea with this relationship and he can tell. one minute it is over, the next marriage, then over etc.

If you do not get anything you need out the relationship then end it, don't drag it on.....

I believe that you need to take a bit of time for introspection, and ask yourself why you are so keen on a man that doesn't really give the impression he is in it for the long haul, and why you are so keen to cast your lot after such a short time period getting to know each other?
You don't seem very compatible from the way you two talk to each other if I am honest, and I think that is an age/maturity thing - If I were in your shoes, I would find some-one closer to my age to date, preferably CD, as you seem to be quite needy and that makes LDRs that much harder!

[JC2122]

The only reason that i posted the 2nd conversation is to show we do have normal conversations. And when he brings things to my attention, i quickly change. Sometimes i don't feel like i'm behaving in a manner that he doesnt really like, but if he tells me i fix it. Like i said i love him and i think he is trying to meet me half way. Regarding the phone call he is very jaded in that manner, based on a bad expierience. So i'm giving him the time he needs to be confidant about me.

[Schlafmütze]

So i'm giving him the time he needs to be confidant about me.

And how about you? You matter too and everything starts from ourselves. How can a person be confident about you, trust you and feel comfortable around you; when you yourself aren't? From your posts it is easy to imply there are some issues within yourself you should work on before getting into a serious relationship. I am afraid it will be hard to stay in a relationship with someone behaving the way you do and you on the other side will probably end up blaming it on the other person when the problem actually lays within yourself. Stop jumping from relationship to relationship. Take some time for yourself and do some soul searching. The time is now!

[snow]

I think the problem is not him or you, OP, I just think you are not compatible. You obviously need someone who can give you all the attention in the world, when he can't, because he is busy working. I know that even if you work you should make time for your loved one, but who says he doesn't? He said they talked in the morning, she says they don't, so who was right? We won't know, because we can't talk directly to the SO and the OP might be lying - not saying you are.

I think you will have to decide if the amount of conversation and the quality of it is enough for you to stay in this relationship.

Just for the record though, I really don't think he is not making an effort and I would probably react the same way when I was bombarded with questions and pre-conceived ideas of how my replies should be. It's most likely the age difference. He is just not willing to put up with petty things and just sees them as not important enough to indulge. He said it clearly, when he stated that they do talk, but whenever they have time to talk she is complaining and ruining the little time they do have. I also think that the OP probably comes to us with her problems and her insecurities, because she doesn't have friends to fall back on. I talk to my best friend and she talks to me about our boyfriends, but if she has no friends, this is the only way she can get some sort of reaction to stop overthinking.

[Ahava]

I talk to my SO in most cases about us if/when there is something bothering me about us. Usually I write a long email after thinking about it for a day or so and it all helps me clear my mind and get perspective. On a couple rare instances I have also turned to my (female) best friend. (I regard my SO as my best friend).

[JC2122]

,because she doesn't have friends to fall back on. I talk to my best friend and she talks to me about our boyfriends, but if she has no friends, this is the only way she can get some sort of reaction to stop overthinking.

I in fact do have friends. But unlike my friends who are mostly all married and have had CD relationships, people in this forum have or are in a LDR and thats why i continue to post on this forum.

And i owe him an apology because we did send a couple of messeges back and forth yesterday morning. So no i didn't lie. I was mistaken.

[TwoThree]

I feel bad for your SO. You are extremely disrespectful of his privacy by sharing conversations like that. We, complete strangers, shouldn't know that his mother has lupus and that it causes seizures. I know we don't know him in person, but it is still very disrespectful.

Also I hate the fact that it was my comment on the other thread that seems to have sparked this whole trainwreck. Bleh.

[JC2122]

I feel bad for your SO. You are extremely disrespectful of his privacy by sharing conversations like that. We, complete strangers, shouldn't know that his mother has lupus and that it causes seizures. I know we don't know him in person, but it is still very disrespectful.

Also I hate the fact that it was my comment on the other thread that seems to have sparked this whole trainwreck. Bleh.

The forum rule clearly states that we are not attack other memebers. That being said it is very rude to say that. I asked his permission to post our conversations online, he said.he doesnt mind so that was uncalled for