Feeling shallow right now. Ugh.

[TheSteelAngel]

Haha I'm in the same boat kinda. I didn't get anything for Christmas from my boyfriend because he had no clue what to get me. I told that I'd love whatever he got me but he still wasn't sure. I didn't want to tell him what I wanted cuz you know I wanted to be surprised, but in the end I had to tell him what I wanted (which was kinda late btw). I told him I'd really like it if he got me a necklace or a hairpin or something like that. Even though I told him that he still couldn't figure out what to get me lol so I got nothing from him (even though I sent him a pretty nice heart felt gift ) Oh well he better make it up to me on V-day lol.

Any way you really should tell him exactly what you want because men (not all obviously) are clueless idiots who need to be told exactly what you want. I know it will be pretty awkward because it was awkward for me too lol but good luck

[whatruckus]

I have had the same issues, because SO is romantic but not a planner and doesn't have that much money. I was a little hurt that he didn't get me any jewlery for our one year aniversary or really anything at all for that matter. He surprised me by getting me a small diamond neckless on the next visit though.

I probably would have said something about it later on, if we had been together like two years and I didn't get anything to wear I would feel bad about it too. It is not about being shallow. It is just I wanted something from him to wear. We both have the LD bracelets and they are great (and he wears his all the time too) but I wanted something from him that was not like an engagement ring but something that said something. I even like cheap jewlery so I was surprised he didn't get me something inexpensive before but I guess to him (I noticed this attitude before with him), it is not worth the bother if he cant give something proper. I almost never take his neckless off.

That's exactly what it is for me. Just something special from him that I can wear all the time, that he really put thought into. He gave me that gold dipped rose last year for Valentine's Day, but I keep it in a shoe box (for now) to keep it safe. I'm trying to find a display case for it.

[Ahava]

What did you get for Christmas from him?
Also Valentine's day is on it's way, he might be thinking of something...and if not you could start dropping major hints.

Telling him things like your friend/mom/sister got [what piece of jewellery] and you think it is soooooo romantic and wish he would do the same for you sometime when he can afford to because it would make you feel loved and important etc. Or as suggested above take him to a store you happen to walk by and look at and point at things you like.
And ofcourse you can try and make a bigger deal out of Valentine's day by telling how you wish you would get to experience some of the romantic stuff that you see in movies or whatever.
If a guy is clueless you might have to overdo it a little for him to get the hint

[Petals]

I do like your suggestions, and I really love your ring too. Lol. Congratulations again.

Aww...thank you! I can't stop looking at it! Pics don't do it justice lol... I will have to get a pedicure since everyone keeps looking at my hand lol.

Hope your SO reacts positively to your desire. It is a bit harder too since you know he doesn't really have the money. He could save for it or maybe do a short layaway. In this case, Valentine's Day might be too soon; Christmas is a more realistic. Share that with him.

Have you bought him jewelry?
Maybe you could get him a nice watch as sign of goodwill that you are willing to make the sacrifice for something a little more pricey too.

[p_b82]

I think there are lots of things that can be given that are not jewellery, my GF does not wear much, and her last BF stole what little she had, and she was not too bothered about it. But I saw a really nice little emerald turtle and had it delivered when she was feeling really down, I know she wears it from time to time.

I also gave her on our second visit something that I bought for myself, but gave to my ex for what it symbolised - it is a hand sized Swedish crystal ornament, with a rose carved out the back, and painted so it can never fade or die. When my ex dumped me in such a callous fashion, I went straight into her room, took it off her bedside table (we had not been sharing a bed for a few weeks by that point) and told her you don't deserve this, and took it right back.

My GF was happy to receive it knowing it had been previously gifted, as she knew that it was more a symbolic gift, than a personal one to my ex...

But to get back on topic, you don't have to feel shallow to want to be shown that your BF cares, but if you don't tell him he probably just doesn't realise, as you said some people are just not wired up that way.

I've not got a present back from my GF, either randomly when visiting, sent to my house, or for Christmas, and while it kinda sucks, it is because she just can't afford it - so I understand, and will not say anything

[differentcountries]

It is not an easy balance, especially when there is little finance involved. You don't want to come out as a nagging girlfriend who doesn't understand the reality of his finances, but still it would be nice to have a little more..romance. I have never expected like big, expensive things (I actually prefer cheaper things as I don't have to be so careful with it), but still in both my long-term relationships there has always been jewlery for birthdays, Christmas and even sometimes as a surprise gift. It is hard to know if he is withholding because of money troubles or if it should be interpreted symbolically like he is not involved enough.

I find especially now, when I am high-strung because everything is happening at once (buying and selling flat, his visa application) it is easy to go like why didn't he ever send me surprise jewlery (or even a card), even a cheap string-and-beads bracelet for a couple of lira I would have liked so much, knowing it came from him. He is very tense about the whole "You are my first girlfriend" business, he is really a relationship virgin as I like to call it. He is also a perfectionist so he took it very badly that his first gift to me was not workable (he gave me regular/alchol-based perfume which I am allergic to and he did not know...I tried to wear them on my clothes but then they didn't smell anything). I have liked everything he gave me since though. I don't like to ask for more gifts in a relationship but maybe I will try to. I think hints are useless so if I want to convey the message I will rather just tell him.

[snow]

I have metal allergies as well! I can only wear silver, gold and steel.
Stainless Steel jewelry does not have to be expensive! Our wedding bands were 20$ each, so I am sure he can find something pretty for not too much money, etsy is your friend

[whatruckus]

Thank you everyone for the replies and advice!

To answer some of your questions:

He's not very good at gift giving and he's a "last minute kind of guy". He's never really gotten me much in the time we've been together because he just simply hasn't had the money really, and he never knows what to get me. Last year for Christmas he got me a bunch of cute stuff from ThinkGeek (loveeeeee their site), and last Valentine's Day he got me the dipped rose. For my birthdays, I haven't received anything from him. For my past birthday, he just took me to the Adventure Aquarium in Camden and we went to eat at a restaurant we like (nothing fancy). For Christmas this year, he barely had any money, but he managed to scrape up some money to get me a hoodie. I kept sharing it on FB, so he said that he got the "hint". Lol. I just really wanted the hoodie and I didn't have the money myself to get it.

This is what he got me for Christmas:


As for Etsy, he's never even been on it. He doesn't use Pinterest either, or Twitter, or Instagram...so he's not too much into anything that's "trending".

I know that he felt really bad that he didn't get me anything nice for Christmas, because he kept bringing it up. He almost didn't even get me anything at all, until he saw how much money he had left. He was telling everyone how bad he felt. I think he felt embarrassed . He said that he's "going to make it up for Valentine's Day", but we'll see. He's been working tons of doubles lately for the extra money. Plus, I'm very good at gift giving and I plan way in advance what I'm getting for him. He's not a planner, at all. Lol.

[Honour]

LMAO ^^ I love that T-shirt.

I understand what you mean, it can be frustrating, but when it comes to the one you love, I guess we just have to take the good things and annoying things all in one xD

[differentcountries]

I don't doubt that SO has little money, he earns roughly 1/10 of what I do. He doesn't have the same expenses for as I do (most things in my country cost at least 50 percent more than in his) so it is not directly comparable, but he definitely earns less than me and can afford much less, which I why I pay for most of our expenses. And he has said on many occations that he feels bad about the situation, not just about gifts but that I overall seem to "do" more. I don't think those things are ever easy. I say he is my dear, expensive hobby which for some reason seem to amuse him! I certainly dont want to guilt trip him about anything, I don't want to make him uncomfortable. But I think I might say something like anything he can think of will be nice.

[whatruckus]

I usually tell him not to get me anything because I always feel guilty when he does.

[rhabdoviridae]

It might be worth reading about the 5 Languages of Love - one of the "languages" has to do with receiving material goods from their SO to feel loved. That may be your "language", and it doesn't make you shallow or materialistic at all. If you wanted lavish gifts all of the time, then I might start to wonder.

However, a gift, even of jewelry, and a promise ring are two very, very different things. I personally don't like the concept of promise rings; a promise to stay together in the future is called an engagement ring It's easy to want to be engaged like your friends or others in the community, but do your best to focus on your relationship and how it makes you happy. If you're meant to be married, it'll happen when it's the right time. I'm so glad I never rushed or pushed my SO about marriage, because when he did propose, I knew it was because he was 100% ready to commit himself to our future together. If you find yourself feeling jealous, think about something your SO does for you, or the last date you went on or something to remind yourself what a great relationship you have, even though you aren't engaged yet.

You mention that your SO doesn't have the money to give you a piece of jewelry for a gift; what about something less expensive (or even free) that carries the same sentimental value? I'm thinking of something like a nice hand-written letter, a comfortable sweatshirt he picks out for you that you can wear, a photograph he chooses in a picture frame that he finds for you? All of those are less expensive but could still satisfy the sentimental feeling you want.

[whatruckus]

It might be worth reading about the 5 Languages of Love - one of the "languages" has to do with receiving material goods from their SO to feel loved. That may be your "language", and it doesn't make you shallow or materialistic at all. If you wanted lavish gifts all of the time, then I might start to wonder.

However, a gift, even of jewelry, and a promise ring are two very, very different things. I personally don't like the concept of promise rings; a promise to stay together in the future is called an engagement ring It's easy to want to be engaged like your friends or others in the community, but do your best to focus on your relationship and how it makes you happy. If you're meant to be married, it'll happen when it's the right time. I'm so glad I never rushed or pushed my SO about marriage, because when he did propose, I knew it was because he was 100% ready to commit himself to our future together. If you find yourself feeling jealous, think about something your SO does for you, or the last date you went on or something to remind yourself what a great relationship you have, even though you aren't engaged yet.

You mention that your SO doesn't have the money to give you a piece of jewelry for a gift; what about something less expensive (or even free) that carries the same sentimental value? I'm thinking of something like a nice hand-written letter, a comfortable sweatshirt he picks out for you that you can wear, a photograph he chooses in a picture frame that he finds for you? All of those are less expensive but could still satisfy the sentimental feeling you want.

Ha, I have the book and took the test a long time ago. Ironically, I only scored a 1 on Gifts.

9 Quality Time
7 Acts of Service
7 Words of Affirmation
6 Physical Touch
1 Receiving Gifts

He very rarely does anything romantic, and I've asked him to write me a letter since we've been dating. He wrote me a short email. Lol.

[differentcountries]

Gifts are not really my main love language either. I value physical touch and quality time, which I get from SO lots. He is not cheap on compliments (althogh he doesn't write letters, or emails or anything that is not a conversation), and he does services for me all the time (I make my men make me breakfast any chance I get! I hate making myself breakfast and I always feel like a queen if I am served food in bed...or served food, really). I guess when you are filled up on all the other things, you start to notice the rest.

I won't feel guilty asking for cheap gifts, it is more I am sometimes afraid of beeing seen as needy...But I must ask SO to buy something before he gets here, because he is going to have a heart attack from our prices!

[vicks5721]

I am not a materistic person that I don't care about having jewelry often, but I do understand where you are coming from about sentimental things. It's going to sound strange, but I like sentimental things I can keep and remember the time got it and put it even in a scrapbook or album to remember in years to come, like for example I told my SO just before Christmas I would love if we exchange Christmas cards, and I would kept it for the reason I said, he said usually he doesn't give anyone a christmas card and I understand that, I only buy family cards. Anyway I love keeping that kind of thing because I can remember it was our first christmas together It sounds silly I know but oh well, I am a crafter and think about using memoribilia in them. I got my SO a card and I hope he has bought one too when we exchange gifts when I move there soon, and I already think about Valentines day. lol I love surprises really and I love when we exchanged letters, which was his idea.