He left today... and the tears just wont stop.

[MissMila]

Hi guys, i'm new to this forum.

My boyfriend left today for work. It is only for two months and I know a lot of couples have to deal with far worse. But im a wreck. We spent the entire day together trying to do fun things so we wouldn't mope around. He dropped me home in the afternoon and I couldn't keep the tears away when we said goodbye, even though I tried to not make the parting any worse than it already was. But once I had closed the door and heard his car driving away I collapsed on the floor crying.

It's now been 5 hours straight of crying, as if someone has died or something!!! I have been able to stop the tears briefly while going for a walk and watching a movie; but everything I look at is reminding me of him. I have never cried this much in my life and I feel so much pain. I KNOW HE'S COMING BACK THOUGH. Its not as if I don't trust him or don't know hes coming back to me in two months, HE LOVES ME AND IS, but i'm in an emotional state. It just hurts so much and feels like a part of me is missing.

Does this get better?? I have a job and a life that I need to continue while hes away. I used to be very independent before we fell in love. But right now I just want to stay curled in my ball for 2 months, or run away, scream - but I need to go to work tomorrow and get on with my life and be strong. GUYS, DOES THIS INITIAL HEART BREAKING FEELING GET BETTER? Please tell me it does. I'm so scared that I'm going to feel this way for 2 months. Mila.

[lordpsymon]

It definitely gets better, my friend. The initial shock of him leaving will wear off, and hopefully won't take too long.
Noting that you're both in New Zealand, there's plans on some of the providers that let you set up a "best mate" with someone on the same network, basically giving unlimited calling/texting. Pretty sure Vodafone has it, and maybe 2degrees as well. My ex and I used it about 6 years ago and I am pretty sure such plans still exist! Look into it.

I'd also recommend writing to each other and sending little trinkets every now and again.

[p_b82]

Yes it will get better - but don't allwo yourself to sink so low, and don't always think about how you miss him when you do activities - it will prolong those pangs of missing them....

for me it is about not really dwelling too much of the memory of the time together, and look forward to the things that will happen in the future, knowing how great a time you had when you were together - that is what keeps me going

[differentcountries]

5 hours of crying is nothing... But yes, it is exhausting, and you will probably feel better, even a little numb. Keep in touch through Skype, text, phone apps and so on. Focus on your daily life to help you through the waiting period. You will be fine.

[Petals]

((Hugs)) It is tough, but the distance will strengthen your relationship if you both make an effort. Force yourself to get into your normal routine and in time it will become 'normal.' Get busy and focus on the end goal - 2 months will go by in no time. Don't be a nag/drag for the 2 months, but show him that you are a strong, independent woman who is ready to make whatever sacrifice necessary for the benefit of your relationship. There's something about an independent woman that makes her more appealing to a man than a clingy one. *wink*

[Honour]

Distance makes the heart grow stronger, as I like to think.

5 hours is enough to leave you exhausted for weeks ages, bless ya. Take it easy, and just remind yourself constantly, yes, your SO WILL be back, and that two months will fly by. CD to LD is always difficult and heart wrenching; it's like a part of you disappears with them.

But then again, when your SO comes home to you, he brings that missing part of you back with him.

[R&R]

You stated he's going to be gone for 2 months. Is this something that is now going to be happening frequently or is this a one-time job he has to do?

After a visit, I allow myself 1 day to wallow, cry, bitch, etc. After that, I tell myself now it's time to suck it up and get going with my daily life/routine. Sitting around being miserable isn't going to help me or him. Is it something I have to make a conscious effort to do sometimes? Yes, it sure is. And since finding this community, I realize how lucky I am because there are some on here that don't see their SO's for more than a year at a time (I see mine every 3-5 months) and I draw some strength from seeing how strong they are.

[Cristiana]

My SO left today too and we wont meet for 2 months too. I cried too. Tomorrow I wont go to work but to school, after Christmas holidays, and I know how it is to feel a shit and having to be strong and do stuff. I feel you.
In two or three weeks I'll start to feel better again - like it always happened - and you'll do the same!

Allow yourself to be sad as long as it is good for vent, not for destroying yourself. You said you have your life to continue, and I think this is the best way to keep your mind a little far from him and sadness, even if is always hard in the beginning.

I'll wait these two months with you, if this may help. Keep going

[loveknowsnodistance27]

It's always so tough initially. I know the feeling too well. But, remember that it's only temporary and every day is one day closer to seeing him again. You are allowed to be sad and to miss him, but just don't let it stop you from living your life. Try to take your mind off of it by watching a fun TV show or a favorite movie. Write down your feelings. Make something for him. There's plenty of things you can do to keep busy. Know that we're all here for you and we all know what you're going through. *hugs*

[Jaac]

It's the WORST feeling!
I think everybody here an relate, but that won't make you feel any better.
I always allow myself to be really sad for a day or so.
After that I force myself to do the things that need to be done.
It's OK to be sad and to cry, but it's not OK to fall into some sort of black hole.
It's 'only' gonna be two months. Maybe you can try and set up a weekly thing. It can be simple, like:
He's going to be gone for about 8 weeks. I don't know if you like Harry Potter, but maybe you can watch one Harry Potter every wednesday evening or so.
That way there is some sort of routine that you can look foreward to and look back to. Believe me, in a month you will think: Ah. next week will be the fifth movie already! I'm halfway! Believe me

You can keep yourself busy ofcourse. Do something that takes up all of your attention.
And if worse comes to worse and you feel like you're gonna fall apart... Just let it go. Go and cry for 2 hours, no shame.
It will help. As long as you don't dwell on those feelings. After you've allowed yourself to totally give in to your feelings, get yourself together.
Think about the nice things you've done together.
Oh! Maybe plan something for when he gets home. Or make something (if you're creative). That makes you feel like you're with him for a teeny bit.

It will get better!
Good luck

[rhabdoviridae]

The immediate time following the parting of ways is toughest on many people but it does get better. The thing is, it's only two months or eight weeks. I know that when we were LD, I would read about others on this forum that had it so much worse than we did - different time zones, longer distances, tough circumstances like illness or family trouble, no internet or phone, last visit a year ago, some never having even met! While LDRs are not a competition for who has it "worse", it can definitely help put things in perspective to read about what others go through to cheer you up.

Some things that help:
Give yourself a day to cry and then be tougher on yourself. Don't let yourself wallow around in misery for eight weeks!

Plan things to do. Go out with friends, take up a new hobby, pick up a new show, spend time with family. Anything to keep you busy.

Communicate. Make sure the conversation doesn't dwell on how upset, lonely or sad either of you are. It's important to talk about your feelings, but it can make the other person even more sad when they hear how upset their partner is back home. So instead, talk about what you each did that day, what you want to do when he gets home, etc. (We didn't text often while apart, in part because I liked to save up the conversation tidbits for the evenings when we would Facetime. Nothing's worse than talking all day, coming home and planning to Skype or Facetime and having nothing to say! But some people use text as a primary means of communication. Different strokes for different folks.)

If it helps, send hand written letters back and forth, or make a countdown (app or physical calendar). You can also try Skype "dates" where you eat dinner together, watch a movie or show together, etc. There are tons of ideas on this forum for keeping connected.

Hang in there; it's only eight weeks!