help!!!!

[puja]

Me and my boyfriend are in a long distance relationship from last 2 years... We usually meet once in 3-4 months... I love him a lot and he loves me too...
But the problem is I'm not sure whether we should be intimate before marriage or not... Need advice people... Do physical intimacy is a must have in a relationship???
Please give me some advices people....

[Unicorn26]

It is for me!

Ultimately though it's you and your partners decision. No one can say what's right. It's between you two.

All I would say though, is don't be pressured into anything you're not comfortable with. If he loves you he will wait.

[R&R]

It is for me!

Ultimately though it's you and your partners decision. No one can say what's right. It's between you two.

All I would say though, is don't be pressured into anything you're not comfortable with. If he loves you he will wait.

^^This

There is absolutely nothing wrong with waiting if that's what you choose. This is something the two of you need to discuss and decide together.

[Honour]

You indeed should never feel pressured into having sex before you're ready. Some people wait, others prefer to do it before marriage, everyone is different. Just depends on what you want. Have a chat with your SO. I probably sound like a parrot reiterating this, but there we go lol.

[faith_patience_believe]

This is something you need to talk to him about, but also decide on yourself. It is a big decision to make. My boyfriend and I have chosen to wait for many reasons. While we are still intimate in other ways, we want to save most sexual activities for when we are completely committed to each other in marriage. When we are married and know that we have saved ourselves for only each other, we know how special it will be.

You are free to make whatever decision you want. Just make sure that it is YOUR decision and that you really decide whats best for you and don't let pressure from others force you in either direction. You'll know when you're ready, whether its sooner or later. And you'll be happy when you make the decision that you're comfortable with.

[Moon]

This isn't something we can answer for you, intimacy in a relationship differs with everyone. What's acceptable and necessary for me may be the total opposite for you, and vice versa. That said, you should only have sex if you feel completely ready both physically and emotionally, and if you're morally ready for it. If you've always believed you shouldn't have sex before marriage, you need to really ask yourself why you're changing your mind, and if it's a choice you're completely OK with making, and not being pressured into.

Honestly, it doesn't sound like you're ready yet, if you're asking us. Think about it some more, and don't do anything yet. You'll be the one who has to live with your decision, so make sure it's the right choice for yourself.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

Once upon a time, I was in your position too. I was raised with the beliefs that virginity was to be saved for marriage. I did everything but, but the actual "deed" was off limits. As I grew up and starting to rethink things for myself, I realized that the actual act didn't mean as much to me as I thought it did. I had sex with the man that I love. I was not struck by lightening and it didn't change our relationship as much as I believed that it would.

With that being said, everyone must make that decision for his or her self. If my boyfriend pressured me at all, I would have never decided that I wanted to because it had to be MY decision. Sex and virginity and intimacy also means different things to different people. To me, sex is important and I want to only share it with someone that I love, but it doesn't have to be in marriage. To others, they want "the one", which normally includes marriage. And still to others, sex is just a physical act that has very little to do with love. All of those things and more are perfectly okay! I do encourage you to feel confident in your decision and to be comfortable with your partner before you embark on that journey. With my ex, it never felt right. We almost had sex and I cried. With my current partner, it felt natural and comfortable once we decided to have sex (and no, I didn't cry with him, I actually laughed).

Do some research and figure out for yourself whether it's right for you or not. For me, the thing that stood in my way was the word "virginity". I loved being able to tell people that I was still a virgin and I was worried that everyone would know if I wasn't. I really had to do some soul searching and figure out if that word really meant that much to me and more importantly WHY. Once I was able to combat that issue, I felt more than ready to have sex. This is a blog that really helped me and I hope that it helps you as well: https://thescarletwoman.tumblr.com/p...the-historical


More than anything, it doesn't matter what I say, what your friends say, what your mom says, what your SO says, it's about YOU and whether YOU are ready or not. If you have any serious doubt, then don't do it. If it's time and you feel ready, you'll know. Good luck!

[differentcountries]

If you have waited this long, why not keep it that way until you get married? It seems to me that when people are long abstinent and then have sex before marriage, weird things happen to the relationship. I suggest you follow through with your conviction and wait.

I have always had sex with people very soon in a relationship (or even before it was a relationship to speak of!). It has worked out well for me. SO claims he fell for me because I am very post sex charming, which would have been kind of hard to get without the sex... I have been able to become very physically close through sex, have a lot of pleasure and learn to know myself better.

I was brought up in the abstinence philosophy and I see it as another, equally valuable way of keeping yourself and your relationship. My sister and her husband did it like that and it worked out well for them.

[leditbe]

It seems like you're in a pretty serious relationship.
No one can tell you precisely what you should do physically with another person.
However, if you feel conflicted morally about it to the point where you are seeking advice, I would wait.
It's not uncommon for unmarried couples to have sex before marriage, but it's also not uncommon for couples to wait.

Best Wishes.

-A

[randomnerd]

Like everyone else said, it's a personal choice. Don't do something you don't want to because you think you should be doing it.

In general, I think it is good to know if you are sexually compatible. I've been in relationships where we were on different levels. It caused tension and resentment. You don't need to have sex to figure that out though. Just communicate with your SO.

[aniay]

Sit down, take a deep breath and ask yourself why have you waited untill now with asking yourself this question?
Was it your choice? Why did you choose it? Was it something taught to you by parents? Religion thing? Was it something that never bothered you? Why now?...
Before talking about that to the other person talk about it with yourself and be blunt. Hesitation usuall have some reasons, it would be good if you figured why you hesitate.

And It's okay to not be intimate before mariage, I know happy couples who decided to wait for years. It's a personal choice.

I will tell you what I will tell my daughterwhen she's older.
If you want to wait and your partner pressures you otherwise it means you should ditch them. If you don't want to wait and your partner does you can't pressure them. In this case I don't believe in middle ground with other person, only in middle ground with your own.

[Dwessie]

If you're gonna get married anyway what's the harm?
Plus like randomnerd said, it's good to know you're sexually compatible. I have seen so many relationships that were otherwise good fail because they just plain couldn't please each other, and I have read a lot about people who waited until marriage and ended up never liking having sex with that person, and it always ended in divorce.
I almost feel like waiting is more irresponsible, but it's your relationship and not mine.

[Harlequin]

Sexual compatibility can be worked on, so don't worry about that. I was in a relationship with someone for a year and a half, and even though the sex was awkward at first, we took the time to explore each other and communicate our likes/dislikes. It wasn't instant, but we were able to fulfill each others needs, and the journey getting to that point was just as fun as the goal itself.

When it comes to something like this, if you're not sure, then tbh I wouldn't. There's no shame in waiting if that's what makes you the most comfortable. If you decide you want to try it, however, then suggest it. If you both are okay with having sex, but then at any point either of you decide you no longer want to, then don't be afraid to speak up about it. Sex should be fun, and it shouldn't feel like an obligation.

Just take some time to think about it, and talk to you s/o about it as well. Just don't feel pressured into doing it if you're not ready, and of course don't pressure him into doing it if he's not ready. Your relationship isn't any less legitimate than other relationships because you're not having sex.

[aniay]

If you're gonna get married anyway what's the harm?
Plus like randomnerd said, it's good to know you're sexually compatible. I have seen so many relationships that were otherwise good fail because they just plain couldn't please each other, and I have read a lot about people who waited until marriage and ended up never liking having sex with that person, and it always ended in divorce.
I almost feel like waiting is more irresponsible, but it's your relationship and not mine.

There is a point there but people tend to forget that at the begining people might be 'compatibie' and the BOOM out of the blue marriage and sex sucks.... (happened to me and many other people too)

[differentcountries]

If you're gonna get married anyway what's the harm?
Plus like randomnerd said, it's good to know you're sexually compatible. I have seen so many relationships that were otherwise good fail because they just plain couldn't please each other, and I have read a lot about people who waited until marriage and ended up never liking having sex with that person, and it always ended in divorce.
I almost feel like waiting is more irresponsible, but it's your relationship and not mine.

I think concervative Christians are quite cute when they are newly married and say "now I will go home and get to know my husband". They make they priority to educate themselves about the other person sexually. And they are usually very aware of that the setting of the sex matters, and that knowing that you are accepted and loved can open up sexually.

I remember even my mum saying it takes time to know a person like that. I agree. And it is not just about sexual experience. I had no problems having sex with SO the first time, but after more than a year the sex is different and I will say better. We were both sexually experienced but we still had not experienced sex with each other before.

Also, being sexually compatible is not just about pleasing each other and liking the same things but also to be comfortable with the other person and dear to open up. My husband has a fetish I don't really share, but I made it my business to include it in our bed... I don't know how many years we used to figure out ways to do it. Also, it took me years to enjoy receiving oral with my husband. We never stressed about the things that didn't work out, we just assumed eventually they would.