Not enough love or weakness?

[Cristiana]

When a LDR ends because of the mere distance, according to you, is it because of the "weakness" of the person or because the feelings were not strong enough?

Some people say they would never be in a LDR, although they love their partner very much.
Is distance something that someone should always handle for love? Is it always true that when this doesnt happen, it's because love and feelings arent strong enough?

[whatruckus]

I don't think it's necessarily that a person doesn't love their SO enough, I think it's more that some people aren't strong enough to handle the distance. You can have all the love you want, but if you can't handle the distance, or feel that it's going no where, what more can you give? That's when people stop putting the effort in.

I believe that everyone has their breaking points, some reach it sooner than others.

[Unconditional]

I completely agree with whatruckus. Some people can.handle it. Some people can't, and its not because of lack of love or weakness. I bepieve things happen for a reason. People are brought into and taken out of your life for a reason.

[differentcountries]

I used to say I would never be in an LDR, now I have been in one 15 months. For me, it is about being practically able to handle the situation, aka I must have the time and money for visits, and a certain hope to close the distance. Everyone has their breaking points, also LDRs have the same issues other relationships can have it things can end because of those issues too. The distance in itself was more a problem in the beginning.

[Ejoriah]

There are many reasons why relationships end, and unfortunately lack of love is not always it. Circumstances and, yes, distance, can all play a role in why relationships have to end. I don't think it is "weakness" if someone cannot handle the distance, or does not want to deal with it. It's up to each individual in a relationship to make the choices they think are right for them.

[Dziubka]

It's like every other relationship that ends. You could ask the same question about most, possibly all, reasons for a break up.
I don't think realising that you're not happy in the relationship and you're not getting what you need/expect out of it and therefore ending it, is "weak". It's a perfectly reasonable decision, that allows you to eventually be a happy/ier person. "Not being able to handle it" or "weak/strong" are unnecessarily judgemental ways to describe that.
You wouldn't say that someone was too weak to get over their partner cheating or that they didn't love each other enough to stay together despite fundamental different life goals or whatever else is people break up over. It's not that they "can't handle" it, it's that they choose not to stay in the relationship, because it doesn't make them happy in the long run.
Being able to have a long distance relationship doesn't mean you're "stronger" than anyone else or that you love me. It means you have different needs and expectations. There are most likely things that others "can handle" that you would break up over.

I love my husband. But if we suddenly had to live on different continents and see each other only twice a year - with no option of being together again in the forseeable future, I would not continue the relationship. It's not because I don't love him enough, it's because that is a relationship that wouldn't make me happy.

[Moon]

When a LDR ends because of the mere distance, according to you, is it because of the "weakness" of the person or because the feelings were not strong enough?

Some people say they would never be in a LDR, although they love their partner very much.
Is distance something that someone should always handle for love? Is it always true that when this doesnt happen, it's because love and feelings arent strong enough?

It's just not this simple.

Not being able to handle an LDR doesn't mean you're too weak, or that there isn't enough love, necessarily. Many people don't realize they're not the type who should be LD until they're in one, and being able to do anything for "love" is naive at best. Love is wonderful indeed, but when you're killing yourself and making yourself miserable over it, it just isn't worth it anymore. Love isn't supposed to hurt all the time. Sometimes, no matter how much you might love someone, the situation you find yourself in makes it impossible to continue, and you have to end it. You have to give some love to yourself, and make sure your relationships fulfill you, satisfy you, enhance you, and above all, make you happy. Nobody is happy every minute of a relationship, but the majority of the time, you should be.

For some people, the distance is impossible to overcome in a reasonable amount of time. Are you supposed to sit around, waiting forever, pining away at something you can't have? For me, that answer is a resounding NO. Life's too short to spend sad, in front of a computer/smartphone. Unfortunately, regardless of the romantic notions fed to us, love just isn't enough.

Sadly, many people don't realize this until they've already fell in love with someone too far away. For some of us (like me), the distance is bearable, and OK. For others though, it's just simply too much, it doesn't make them "weak", and it doesn't mean their feelings weren't strong enough, or that someone wasn't good enough, it just means they aren't cut out for distance. It's not vastly different than how some people love horror movies, and some freak out during the intro music, or some people love dogs and some love cats, it's just the way you're made up, neither is better or worse, they're just different.

Either way, it's hard. It's only worth it though if you're getting at least as much reward out of it as heartache, if not, go live your life happily.

[whatruckus]

It's like every other relationship that ends. You could ask the same question about most, possibly all, reasons for a break up.
I don't think realising that you're not happy in the relationship and you're not getting what you need/expect out of it and therefore ending it, is "weak". It's a perfectly reasonable decision, that allows you to eventually be a happy/ier person. "Not being able to handle it" or "weak/strong" are unnecessarily judgemental ways to describe that.
You wouldn't say that someone was too weak to get over their partner cheating or that they didn't love each other enough to stay together despite fundamental different life goals or whatever else is people break up over. It's not that they "can't handle" it, it's that they choose not to stay in the relationship, because it doesn't make them happy in the long run.
Being able to have a long distance relationship doesn't mean you're "stronger" than anyone else or that you love me. It means you have different needs and expectations. There are most likely things that others "can handle" that you would break up over.

I love my husband. But if we suddenly had to live on different continents and see each other only twice a year - with no option of being together again in the forseeable future, I would not continue the relationship. It's not because I don't love him enough, it's because that is a relationship that wouldn't make me happy.

That's what I meant to say, I couldn't think of a better way to explain it. But, I completely agree. If it doesn't make you happy, why continue?

[p_b82]

Others have already said it better than I could....

It is not that black and white, and to think it is would be naive IMO.

For me personally, when I realised that if I want to be with my GF i will be the one to relocate, and I had to decide whether I was prepared to do that. If I wasn't then I would not have entered into this, it would a 'waste' of both of our time if we left it without an 'end game'... no idea when that will be, but we have something we are aiming at!

[whatruckus]

It's just not this simple.

Not being able to handle an LDR doesn't mean you're too weak, or that there isn't enough love, necessarily. Many people don't realize they're not the type who should be LD until they're in one, and being able to do anything for "love" is naive at best. Love is wonderful indeed, but when you're killing yourself and making yourself miserable over it, it just isn't worth it anymore. Love isn't supposed to hurt all the time. Sometimes, no matter how much you might love someone, the situation you find yourself in makes it impossible to continue, and you have to end it. You have to give some love to yourself, and make sure your relationships fulfill you, satisfy you, enhance you, and above all, make you happy. Nobody is happy every minute of a relationship, but the majority of the time, you should be.

For some people, the distance is impossible to overcome in a reasonable amount of time. Are you supposed to sit around, waiting forever, pining away at something you can't have? For me, that answer is a resounding NO. Life's too short to spend sad, in front of a computer/smartphone. Unfortunately, regardless of the romantic notions fed to us, love just isn't enough.

Sadly, many people don't realize this until they've already fell in love with someone too far away. For some of us (like me), the distance is bearable, and OK. For others though, it's just simply too much, it doesn't make them "weak", and it doesn't mean their feelings weren't strong enough, or that someone wasn't good enough, it just means they aren't cut out for distance. It's not vastly different than how some people love horror movies, and some freak out during the intro music, or some people love dogs and some love cats, it's just the way you're made up, neither is better or worse, they're just different.

Either way, it's hard. It's only worth it though if you're getting at least as much reward out of it as heartache, if not, go live your life happily.

Exactly. The distance affects everyone differently.

[MissingMyDutchLove]

I agree with the other opinions here. However, I do think that a certain "level" of love is needed for a LDR to work. I always said that I would not do LD and that I wouldn't be happy. I'm not saying that I'm thrilled to be LD. I would love to close the distance as soon as possible and be with the man that I love. With that being said, I would do ANYTHING to be with him, even be long distance and seeing each other once or twice a year if that means that we can one day be together. If I didn't love him so much, it wouldn't work. Not saying that those who break up don't love each other enough, but I do think that love is a huge part of why we do go through it and if there isn't that love there, why would you bother?