loving from afar

[Ginalove3986]

Ive been with my current man for 5 years with 2 children..n?

[AussieAmericanGirl66]

If you are not happy, and have never loved the man you are currently with, the kindest thing would be for you to leave, so he can find the one he is meant to be with. It's time to be honest, speak your Truth, and follow your heart. After you are separated, contact the one you really love, and tell him the truth about your status, and see what happens after that.

[Ginalove3986]

Thank you for your comment... I've been thinking about that.. So much easier said than done especially when children r involved... I think maybe some time apart we could try and see what happens thanks so much again
Positive and nice comments only

[Hollandia]

Children are better off with a happy family life than a lie. If the marriage is done, be honest and end it. Don't cheat ,even emotionally(which you are doing now). You could try to go to counselling or end it for good but until you are honest and separated from your partner, this other man should be off limits. Your partner deserves that and so do your children. Cheating is wrong. You downplay him as only a roommate but does he know that? You are still supposed to be committed partners right? Losing passion does not end a partnership, ending it does.

Your kids won't be happy with a split for sure but if you cheat on their daddy for someone else, you could cause a life long rift with them. Have a talk with your current man and the two of you can discuss if a separation is happening. Then you can go after this other person, but since he has a partner and kids, and he does not want to. Get over him. He is with someone else. He won't talk to you, he is with someone else and has a kid. IF you don't want the man you are with, then leave him, and go find yourself your own new man. You can't have him.

You can't have what you want just because you want it. If that other man was my SO and you came sniffing around, If I were her I would want to kick your bumm. Have you even thought about her feelings or his child's. You don't seem to care about your current man's, your kids, his kids, his partner's or even his. You just want him and he does not even want to TALK to you. Sorry but past loves, no matter how strong if returned are just that, in the past. If you push communication he does not want with you, then you are stalking. Step back and took a look at this scenario. You are a former love that wants him back even though he moved on, is with someone else and has a child and he does not want to talk to you. Do you want to be that person? It takes two to tango and he does not want to dance.

[Ginalove3986]

loving from a distance

Wow....who ever said i was going around him??? I think your comments aren invaild and not my style..rudeness....like the rules on here state no mean words or threats like kicking my bumm or whatever u call it
.....i wasnt raised this way n ur makjng assumtpions without knowing me or my intentions....but ur saying rude things snd i want advice snd good logical thinking....so u broke serversl rules on here...Yes he knows we r like roommates and that I'm not happy..
.but cheating physically isn't my style so that topic can come off the table....there's more to my story in my current relationship then i put on here... Simply get over him...obviously I tried... 6 years later... I love him a piece of my heart still does...but I love my current man too..... Their daddy dont even help with them so there's more to the story then just roommates... My questions were why would I still be in love or what should I do to end that feeling.....I told him once congrats on ur baby that was THE ONLY TIME I TRIED TO TALK TO HIM....so u r jumping the gun and only have one side story in your head
..I don't want to feel like this.... Not on cheating and being with this other man cause as of right now that's off limits..and has been since we both went into separate relationships...the children no nothing... They r happy and oblivious to our situations and counseling ha I tried that card a hundred times with him.... I was asking how to let go the thing that won't happen and focus on myself and family I think you took it out of context or read me wrong and truth be told he knows what's going on....I'm basically a single parent and have been since they were born...so get some facts straight first before getting nasty and acting like I'm doing all of these things... U have no idea what kind of life I live and SHIELD my children from anything negative they are FIRST!!!

[Moon]

Wow....who ever said i was going around him??? I think your comments aren invaild and not my style..rudeness....like the rules on here state no mean words or threats like kicking my bumm or whatever u call it
.....i wasnt raised this way n ur makjng assumtpions without knowing me or my intentions....but ur saying rude things snd i want advicd snd good logically thinking....so u broke serversl rules on here...Yes he knows we r like roommates and that I'm not happy..
.but cheating physically isn't my style so that topic can come off the table.... Their daddy dont even help with them so there's more to the story then just roommates... My questions were why would I still be in love or what should I do to end that feeling.
..I don't want to feel like this.... Not on cheating and being with this other man cause as of right now that's off limits..and has been since we both went into separate relationships...the children no nothing... They r happy and oblivious to our situations and counseling ha I tried that card a hundred times with him.... I was asking how to let go the thing that won't happen and focus on myself and family I think you took it out of context or read me wrong and truth be told he knows what's going on....I'm basically a single parent and have been since they were born

Hollandia was far from rude, just because it isn't what you wanted to hear doesn't make it rude. Sometimes the truth can be painful. She also broke no rules.

That said, the grass isn't always greener on the other side. You're unhappy in your current relationship, so you're making up scenarios about someone from a long time ago. You aren't the first person to do this, and won't be the last, but are you doing anything to try salvaging what you already have? Communicating or counseling? You said the other guy won't talk to you, he's made his point pretty clear, I think. He didn't chase you when you thought he would, he got over you and it's best to let him go.

You go on living by either separating from your current relationship, and figuring out what to do with your life in a way that is all yours, not depending on a relationship to bring you happiness, or you try saving what you have. There is no magic, or quick, easy way to make it happen, you just do it. Constantly needing a relationship to make you happy means you'll never learn anything about yourself. Be alone for a while and figure out what it is you really need. Yes, it can be painful and stressful, but it's a life experience everyone needs to learn.

[Hollandia]

Wow....who ever said i was going around him??? I think your comments aren invaild and not my style..rudeness....like the rules on here state no mean words or threats like kicking my bumm or whatever u call it
.....i wasnt raised this way n ur makjng assumtpions without knowing me or my intentions....but ur saying rude things snd i want advice snd good logical thinking....so u broke serversl rules on here...Yes he knows we r like roommates and that I'm not happy..
.but cheating physically isn't my style so that topic can come off the table....there's more to my story in my current relationship then i put on here... Simply get over him...obviously I tried... 6 years later... I love him a piece of my heart still does...but I love my current man too..... Their daddy dont even help with them so there's more to the story then just roommates... My questions were why would I still be in love or what should I do to end that feeling.....I told him once congrats on ur baby that was THE ONLY TIME I TRIED TO TALK TO HIM....so u r jumping the gun and only have one side story in your head
..I don't want to feel like this.... Not on cheating and being with this other man cause as of right now that's off limits..and has been since we both went into separate relationships...the children no nothing... They r happy and oblivious to our situations and counseling ha I tried that card a hundred times with him.... I was asking how to let go the thing that won't happen and focus on myself and family I think you took it out of context or read me wrong and truth be told he knows what's going on....I'm basically a single parent and have been since they were born...so get some facts straight first before getting nasty and acting like I'm doing all of these things... U have no idea what kind I'd life I live and SHIELD my children from anything negative they are FIRST!!!

You make a thread and we give input. This is my opinion. You don't get to say what kind of advice you will get. I don't expect you will like it, because it is not what you want to hear. I do however, think you need to hear it.

Okay, so you accept he is with her. End of that. Sorry if you think I am rude but I don't pull punches and as a former spouse with one who cheated on me and left me and my kid for her, I abhor it and any thought of it. You are swooning over this past love who is with another and so you want him and that means you want him to leave her and you said he won't talk to you. If your children are first then be a good role model and don't cheat on their dad or go after someone's else's partner. If you are happy for him and his family then drop the idea and move on. He is taken and is with his family. If you don't want your man, get out. How would you feel if he was swooning over some former lover that was with another man and had a family and did not want to talk to him? It would hurt don't you think? If you ever cared for your partner, tell him the truth and stop dreaming about someone you can never have. Cheating is not only physical. Your not single parent if you have not separated from your current man. "As of right now" he is off limits, that's the problem, you need to accept, FOREVER he is off limits and not moon over hoping he leaves his partner someday if you make yourself available to him. It won't matter, he does want to talk to you. The feelings are not mutual.

I never threatened you, I said how your former love's partner would feel. I was in the same boat as her, as I have been and did feel that way to the low life home wrecker he cheated with. Not you, you are just some stranger on the internet wishing she was with some poor guy who is happy in his life with a partner and a child. I have no feelings for you at all in any way. Harsh words? Yes, but you are talking some pretty harsh wants of yours. You want him to be with you, so you want him to leave her. You don't think that situation is a bit harsh? It is. If you tried to get over him for 6 years and can't, it is not romantic, it is unhealthy. You have to get over him and if you can't then you should seek some professional help to do so.

My big brother had a former love, one that was special for him in college. They broke up when he moved away and went into the Military. He met and married my sister is law. She is the love of his life. They have four kids together. One day he went to an alumni weekend at his school and his wife stayed home with the kids. He ran into old flame and several of their old crew hung out as buddies. They all exchanged numbers with each other to keep in touch and get all their families together in the future. This old flame is married with kids too.....now she starts calling my brother and tells him same stuff you said....really a single parent, just roommates, no connection,blah blah blah, stuff people say when they want out but not ready to go. She does not stop there, she says how much better her life would have been with him, and how much happier he would be with her. He tells her NO WAY, I love my wife but it has been two years now and the phone calls stopped but she keeps trying. He feels sorry for her, he does want to hurt her so him and my sister in law talk and decide she can remain on his FB (my sister in law is a sweetheart). So she then makes pathetic attempts on FB to woo my brother. My brother tells me he is done with this but he feels guilty for how bad her life is and he just wants her to go away so he ignores her on FB, and my sister in law is steaming but she vents to friends and allows him to deal with it, and his former flame all along is still married, did not leave her unknowing husband even while professing her undying love for my brother. Not thinking about his four kids, his wife, her husband or her kids, and evidentally she also "just can't get over him", now I ask you again, is this the person you want to be?

[Ginalove3986]

loving from a distance

Believe me I've been cheated on so I know the feeling...and I was quick to respond and be defensive.. I must my words were taking the wrong way...things aren't just thst simple... U all have your thoughts but I thought it was rude in the choice of words BC its not why I posted this thred and she did broke a rule she threatened... So your wrong...and minizing me ad a person... Is not right.... We r getting way off topic here and I know what the truths are and she is way off and so are you... Acting like I'm a child which I'm not...you r treating me the way my man now does...makes me out the N person and minimalize amd disrespect me acts like and treats me with no respect and gives me verbally abuse and I'm not going to stand on for that on this forum at all that is not what I'm here for it that's what this is going to be about then I'm going to totally erase or do whatever I can with this form because we are getting of hand and this is getting ridiculous I am a mother I am an adult I am a woman I've been cheated on I've been treated like crap I know the story okay I have a son so I know that end of the deal so no worries on that part I am exactly where you both women are okay so the truth hurts no it doesn't this is the total opposite nothing hurts I just wanted a couple answers...advice wise and compassionate and respectful advice... I didn't need you know I read me on how to be a person in a woman and you know I'm not going to cheat ..... this is not wjete i wanted thid discussion to go...is not where I was headed with this conversation or was forum at all....as of right now I'm getting no answers or getting anywhere on here......I accept ur aplogoy. So ppl would say learn with time to let go and find yourself and onlynlive and do for your children WHICH I do...that's what I live for... I pray.... Prayer has gotten me through rough times and good tines.... I always pay it forward and do charity work..epscislly for my health problems. Charity... U know nothing... If u don't then don't say anything and assume I'll respect and take contrsructive criticism but not rudeness and underminding advice...
So from here on...ONLY speak truth yes but nice ans positive comments PLEASE and gos bless to all

[differentcountries]

This other guy, the guy from the past who you hardly ever talk to anymore, and who also has a life.... Never mind what he tried in the past and how - that is water under the bridge. How do you know you would work well together? Last time he did nothing of the special things you wanted and it seems so he isn't now either. I am not sure he is interested, and even if he is, that is not the same as being willing to turn around his life for you. Find out what you want with your husband. Is he all the cause of your unhappiness or dullness in life, or does it have to do with other things as well? If his lack of interest in or skill with the children is your reason to leave him, then do. If you are not in love with him and you need to feel love to be happy, you don't have to stay. But you say you have feelings for your current man too. Many parents of young children feel like "roommates" for a while because they are too exhausted to flirt, but it may come back. If you are unsure, and leave to get the other guy back though, you risk having none of them in your life - which is fine if you want to seperate from your husband anyway. But if the kids don't see you fight, and you are unsure yourself, maybe you could just sit on the fence for a while to wait and see. Lots of things can happen in a marriage. It is really up to you what you want of a relationship and your life, and how you think you might get some of that. BTW: I am curious to hear about your health problems because that sounds like the missing piece in the puzzle.

[Ginalove3986]

No one ever said ANYTHING about chestinft wow...ppl taking written words all wrong

[Ginalove3986]

Well on the first part I must disagree...but I think I will sit in the fence...my children have never seen us fight... Its behind closed doors when they are not home....the other man we worked great actually... I thought by leaving it would give him the prush and drive he needs which it did just without me...he heard I was with someone else at the time which I wasn't... Who knows if he didn't hear that then maybe we would of gotten back together but he thought he u love someone let them fly if they'd happy in their current situation... No I don't want a relationship with him now no no...that's not what I was saying...I'm happy and love him from afar that it all

[Hollandia]

Believe me I've been cheated on so I know the feeling...and I was quick to respond and be defensive.. I must my words were taking the wrong way...things aren't just thst simple... U all have your thoughts but I thought it was rude in the choice of words BC its not why I posted this thred and she did broke a rule she threatened... So your wrong...and minizing me ad a person... Is not right.... We r getting way off topic here and I know what the truths are and she is way off and so are you... Acting like I'm a child which I'm not...you r treating me the way my man now does...makes me out the N person and minimalize amd disrespect me acts like and treats me with no respect and gives me verbally abuse and I'm not going to stand on for that on this forum at all that is not what I'm here for it that's what this is going to be about then I'm going to totally erase or do whatever I can with this form because we are getting of hand and this is getting ridiculous I am a mother I am an adult I am a woman I've been cheated on I've been treated like crap I know the story okay I have a son so I know that end of the deal so no worries on that part I am exactly where you both women are okay so the truth hurts no it doesn't this is the total opposite nothing hurts I just wanted a couple answers...advice wise and compassionate and respectful advice... I didn't need you know I read me on how to be a person in a woman and you know I'm not going to cheat ..... this is not wjete i wanted thid discussion to go...is not where I was headed with this conversation or was forum at all....as of right now I'm getting no answers or getting anywhere on here......I accept ur aplogoy. So ppl would say learn with time to let go and find yourself and onlynlive and do for your children WHICH I do...that's what I live for... I pray.... Prayer has gotten me through rough times and good tines.... I always pay it forward and do charity work..epscislly for my health problems. Charity... U know nothing... If u don't then don't say anything and assume I'll respect and take contrsructive criticism but not rudeness and underminding advice...
So from here on...ONLY speak truth yes but nice ans positive comments PLEASE and gos bless to all

I never threatened you, I said how your former love's partner would feel. I was in the same boat as her and did feel that way to the low life home wrecker he cheated with. Not you, you are just some stranger on the internet wishing she was with some poor guy who is happy in his life with a partner and a child. I have no feelings for you at all in any way.

Edit: Seeing how you edited out all your originals comments about him and recanted your thoughts about wanting him, the thread no longer seems to make sense so I wish you well. Peace out.

[Moon]

Feel free to report all posts you feel are rude and threatening to the site administrator, Michelle. You can do that by clicking on the triangle with an exclamation point icon at the end of every post. Please tell her exactly how you feel anyone was rude or threatening. You may want to take into consideration that you're too sensitive for the internet.

[p_b82]

I don't really have anything to add to the thread here - it seems to me that you are pining for a past love that (due to the edits) you are saying you aren't interested in, and you have an unhappy current relationship.

For the latter, people that pretend that things are going on happy, and think it is not picked up on by other family members are often deluded I hate to say. People can pick up on negative emotion - and it sounds like you are carrying a lot.

As to how you went about asking for help, as you have discovered words are not easily read by people when things are not explained clearly - so next time I would suggest you write down the question you want help with as clearly as you can, and then provide any details after that.

It means that those that read it, have a chance to work out what advice to give, and where needed have some context - without the details, (or the wrong details) the advice given is not going to be what you are after.

Also saying things like 'only good advice' is basically saying I only want to hear something in a certain way, and I am not willing to accept that maybe I have got things wrong.... every-one will have an opinion on something, and often it wont be the same as yours - but putting it on a public forum, you are opening yourself to hear what people think, whether you like it or not, as it turns out

Good luck with working out your issues - but I would suggest you stop pining after you past, and end your current relationship, and find happiness elsewhere, as for all the good things you might do to fill you life, you sound like you are miserable, and no-one deserves that; but only you have the power to change this situation.