Her parents made her miss the flight intentionally

[whatruckus]

If my daughters asked me if I would do something for them and I said I would, yes I would do it unless something came up beyond my control or I found out something that would make me have to change my decision. Unfortunately, not all parents are the same.

Exactly. Like I said, he might've really thought he was doing the right thing and there's really nothing that would change his mind, except if he started to feel guilty, which it doesn't seem like he does.

[Elizabeth123]

An objective reply to your post...here goes...
She lives in her parents' house, fed and cared for by them, perhaps they even pay for her school
Their home and their rules...you are in a sad spot but they are the ones who say what goes on under their roof
When she can be 100% independent then it is her choice to visit with you or not...
Best of luck to you both

[AZZS]

I feel ya!! I mean about the whole parent thing. My BF was suppose to come see me at school but his parents wont let him drive up because it could be "dangerous". I understand that they want him to be safe but it hurts so bad. My house is about half way between us, from my school and his house. And it seems like they wont even let him come up to my house!! All I can say is don't give up! I have spent to much time crying as well and know that pain.

[differentcountries]

Now you know you can't trust her parents. For the next visit, have her preorder a taxi to the airport.

[whatruckus]

An objective reply to your post...here goes...
She lives in her parents' house, fed and cared for by them, perhaps they even pay for her school
Their home and their rules...you are in a sad spot but they are the ones who say what goes on under their roof
When she can be 100% independent then it is her choice to visit with you or not...
Best of luck to you both

This is also the same poster who had issues with staying at her house for their visit because they couldn't sleep in the same room and barely had "alone" time together, and he was pretty upset about it. We told him the same thing. Their house, their rules and she lives there. It's on them to decide, not her or anyone else. Being 18 doesn't mean much to 95% of parents if their kid is still living with them.

[D4Joseph]

Good memory. So where to go from here?

[ronjaandbirk]

it's not really up to you. It's more up to your girlfriend to either put a foot down and have a serious (CIVIL!!!!!) conversation with her parent about this. Is it possible they are afraid she gets too distracted from something, esp. if you just spend an considerable amount of time there?
Find out what the parents new concerns are and then go from there. If I was you I'd even talk to them myself. writeh them a friendly email or call them (even better) and say something along the lines of: "I've really enjoyed my time at your place, thank you for being such great hostages. However, I would also like to have my girlfriend at my place sometimes, so she can meet my freinds, and my family, as that means alot to me. I was wondering what your concerns are and if there is anything I can do better to reassure you that she is perfectly safe with me. etc."

Keep the communication lines open and freindly... even if it is hard!
If nothing changes then there is nothing you can do exept for waiting until she moves out. Also, it could be this progresses in baby step. be happy about every centimeter of ground you might win and be patient.

[D4Joseph]

The part about having a civil discussion I told my gf the same thing ronjaandbirk! For some reason she thinks civil discussions means getting someone mad a she's timid. Every little thing makes her feel like toes are being stepped on

[Harlequin]

I don't know if I'd message her parents just yet. Personally, I think the best course of action for right now would be to just drop it. Neither of you are in a position of power over her parents, who have a lot of say in what your s/o can and cannot do. It sucks for sure, but the last thing you want to do is come off as pushy. A decision was made, right or wrong as it may be, and it has to be respected. If anyone is going to talk to her parents, it should be her, but only when things calm down.
If either you or her keep pushing the issue, it's going to come off very badly, and it's most likely going to come off very badly in regards to you.

You seem to be somewhat assertive/pushy by nature, so it's possible that, whether you realized it or not (and I'm sure you don't intend to be pushy), that sort of behavior came across while you were visiting. While it might not be an issue for you or your girlfriend, that would raise some red flags for most parents. She was told to save her money and not worry about visiting you right now, and I imagine that conversation ended in agreement that she wouldn't visit you. Then somehow, between then and now, she bought a plane ticket anyway. If that were my daughter, the first person I'd be looking at to blame for this sudden change would be you, because I would feel like you pressured her into buying the ticket against my word/judgement.

I do think it was a bad idea to make her miss the flight, especially if they were looking to save money. I also really don't think your s/o should have bought the ticket considering her parents told her not to to begin with. It wasn't well thought-out on either end, to be honest. Either way, it happened. Let it go.

If there is ever an opportunity to clear the air, let it be much later when things have calmed down. If you want her parents to trust you, you need to also be willing to abide by their rules since your girlfriend is still dependent on them. Don't fight them on anything, don't make a big deal about anything regardless of how right or wrong they're being. Just suck it up and keep moving forward. While it's not their relationship, as long as she's dependent on them, they're going to have some say in what she does. If she wants to be able to make completely independent decisions, she needs to be completely independent.

[whatruckus]

I don't know if I'd message her parents just yet. Personally, I think the best course of action for right now would be to just drop it. Neither of you are in a position of power over her parents, who have a lot of say in what your s/o can and cannot do. It sucks for sure, but the last thing you want to do is come off as pushy. A decision was made, right or wrong as it may be, and it has to be respected. If anyone is going to talk to her parents, it should be her, but only when things calm down.
If either you or her keep pushing the issue, it's going to come off very badly, and it's most likely going to come off very badly in regards to you.

You seem to be somewhat assertive/pushy by nature, so it's possible that, whether you realized it or not (and I'm sure you don't intend to be pushy), that sort of behavior came across while you were visiting. While it might not be an issue for you or your girlfriend, that would raise some red flags for most parents. She was told to save her money and not worry about visiting you right now, and I imagine that conversation ended in agreement that she wouldn't visit you. Then somehow, between then and now, she bought a plane ticket anyway. If that were my daughter, the first person I'd be looking at to blame for this sudden change would be you, because I would feel like you pressured her into buying the ticket against my word/judgement.

I do think it was a bad idea to make her miss the flight, especially if they were looking to save money. I also really don't think your s/o should have bought the ticket considering her parents told her not to to begin with. It wasn't well thought-out on either end, to be honest. Either way, it happened. Let it go.

If there is ever an opportunity to clear the air, let it be much later when things have calmed down. If you want her parents to trust you, you need to also be willing to abide by their rules since your girlfriend is still dependent on them. Don't fight them on anything, don't make a big deal about anything regardless of how right or wrong they're being. Just suck it up and keep moving forward. While it's not their relationship, as long as she's dependent on them, they're going to have some say in what she does. If she wants to be able to make completely independent decisions, she needs to be completely independent.

This. I can't agree more.

[D4Joseph]

I have to agree with that myself. None of this was well thought out or smooth. At the end of the day I just want everything to be ok. I know my gf does too

[Ahava]

"I've really enjoyed my time at your place, thank you for being such great hostages."

Ahhh this typo here made my day lol
Thank you for accidentally making me laugh on otherwise such a boring day XD

[Dwessie]

Her parents are asshats for wasting her money like that. If she can figure out the fastest way to cut ties with them, she's lucky.

[D4Joseph]

Like I said this was a mess. I don't want to have to keep hearing my girlfriend cry. I don't wanna have to keep crying myself. I just want the the relationship to be happy and healthy. I want this forever. This mainly started because we wanted to spend even more time together.

[p_b82]

I've just read the whole thread, and recalled the one about your 'upset' about abiding by her parents rules when you went to stay.

All I can say is: 'get over yourself'

Yes her parents screwed you both over by not taking her, but then you should not have gone behind their back in the way you both did it, it was obvious that was going to happen from any-one outside, they already told her not to visit you for that return trip.

As to how you go forward together, you need to work out whether you can accept her parents are in control of their daughter while she still lives under their roof, and they feed/clothe/educate her etc. If you can't then you are going to resent them, and you may well cause you and your GF to fall out, if you 'hate the in-laws' too much.

My advice is to chalk this one down to experience and a life lesson of 'you can't get your own way unless you do things yourselves' next time, plan the trip more carefully, trying to keep the parents on board. If you are able to open dialogue with them, and ask with her present why they didn't want to fly this time, and it is just down to weather conditions etc, then you can say "well when we plan the next trip, when the weather is better will you have objections, and if yes why, and how can we appease them for you" or words to that effect.

You have to live with her parents, they are not going to go away in this relationship, and if you force her to pick between you and them, she may well pick them if she doesn't like confrontation - or they could throw her out, and you will have to look after both of you; are you ready for that? - I know I wasn't able to support myself at 19... and only was earning enough to support two of us by the time I was in my mid 20's (I had to support my now ex when I first met her as she wasn't working, and throughout all our time together in fact)

My final comment is good luck, sounds like you are going to need it.