for a friend...how to help somebody going thru a breakup????

[always2far]

My best friend is going thru a tough time...she broke up with her boyfriend and its killing her. He was cheating on hr...she found out and well...after a long fight they brokeup. Now all she does is cry...wont come to classes...!! I have tried everything from chocolates to calling that jerk names but shes been like this for over a week now. Iam at a loss about what to do??? Please help!!! ( im not really sure if dis is the kind of thing i can post here...if not...sorry)

[Miasmata]

If it's that bad that she's missing classes, she should consider talking to a professional. One week isn't much, but if she can't even taken care of herself anymore, that's at least a point of serious concern. It's not easy, but you have to realize that you can't be her therapist or her babysitter. As a friend, all you can do is be supportive, and that means being honest with your friends about their needs. Please tell her that she has to take care of herself too, and work through this, and that if she needs more help with that, she needs to talk to a professional. If she goes to university, there might be counseling avaible on campus. There are also hotlines she can call. I hope for the best for you two!

[always2far]

I thought of asking her to talk to one f our prof. ( we are studying medicine) but i thought i should give her some more time. The problem is we have exams in a week and this week classes are crucial...they are teaching us things that come for exam.we are meeting patients who can be kept for exams. Also we need atleast 75% attendance to give exams. I talked to her l...but she saud she doesnt care. I know she will regret this later....but i dont know what to do

[Miasmata]

Then don't wait! If you know she can't afford to let herself go like this now, tell her that, and advise her to see a counselor, and talk to the professor. Be serious with her and underline how important it is that she gets proper help now. Remember, you are not her therapist or her caretaker, so all you can do is be blunt with her and tell her to get help. In the end, as much as that might hurt for you, it's up to her to do what she needs.

[always2far]

Thnx... i will talk to her again. Hope i can get thru to her this time.

[differentcountries]

She has had the shock of her life. Not only did her ex cheat, he also lied. It has only been a week, she is allowed that time to be extremely upset. Therapy is to my mind way too early. The wound is too fresh for her to work on anything right now - but she might sign up to get some therapy later. Perhaps you can make bargins with her. Tempt her with your friendship, like she is not doing classes for herself, but to help you. If nothing works, perhaps getting her to the doctor so she can get sedated a little to ease the pain. Be aware about how things develop. It is normal to be upset for a long time -I personally cried every day for six months, for about five minutes - but most people manage to take more or less care of everyday tasks. Be her friend and preassure her a bit, still it is her call.

[always2far]

Thanx for the response but i kind of think there is nothing much i can do here. She is refusing to take exams this year. So...we kindof fought about that...!! And well...we dont talk much anymore.

[p_b82]

Well if she feels that badly heartbroken, that she needs to take time out, then you should respect that - if you are a friend I would suggest you go and apologise and let her know you are there for her, but do not try to 'fix' her before she is ready herself.

[merlinkitty]

I'm sorry about that. After my breakup I stopped taking classes too. Failed three classes. I went down like a burning Zeppelin. But I picked myself up again. Decided to take the summer off from classes, focus on myself, and picked myself up again. Graduated with a 3.57 GPA. Wish I didn't have 3 F's on my transcript, but it was fixable. Just be there at this point. That's about all you can do. My friends helped. You will too

[whatruckus]

Some times that time off from school/work/friends is what people need to pick themselves up and put themselves back together again. I know for me I'm that type of person. I need a break, and I need time to shut down for a little bit, to think.

[always2far]

I still dont understand why she has to do this. She is a good student. Why does she have to get that black mark that she failed a year??? That too for a guy like her boyfriend!!! Why does she have to mess up her life because of him??? What about her family...won't they all be dissappointed???

[whatruckus]

I still dont understand why she has to do this. She is a good student. Why does she have to get that black mark that she failed a year??? That too for a guy like her boyfriend!!! Why does she have to mess up her life because of him??? What about her family...won't they all be dissappointed???

I don't think you're understanding that people deal with things in different ways. This is her way of dealing with it and coping. You can't change her, or force her to stop doing this. The only thing you can do is back off and let her cope. While I know you're concerned for her, and that's nice, it's obvious that the ways you were trying before just pushed her away and pushed her further into her depression.

[merlinkitty]

I still dont understand why she has to do this. She is a good student. Why does she have to get that black mark that she failed a year??? That too for a guy like her boyfriend!!! Why does she have to mess up her life because of him??? What about her family...won't they all be dissappointed???

I'm sure they will. Mine were. But she has to do what's best for her and sometimes that means things like school get put on the side. I know it's hurting you to see her do something that seems really self destructive at the moment (and if it really got serious like physical self harm or starvation that you'll encourage her to take care of herself). Idk, I'm sure she's going through some depression. I would hope if it got really bad she would seek help.

I don't really have any comfort or solutions for you. But I guess try to find the balance between letting her find herself again and not letting her drown alone. Sometimes a breakup can be like the death of a family member, except that "death" is inside of you. She just needs time to work through this. People deal differently is all.

[always2far]

I guess i should have been more supportive....!!

[merlinkitty]

I guess i should have been more supportive....!!

Not your fault honey. Her choice. Always remember that. You know the saying, "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink." We all have the free will to make choices.