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    Feeling discouraged

    Spending days with my SO is as beautiful as destructive.

    Im feeling a bit discouraged in this period, since every visit and all its post-visit blues make me realize how long this will last. This up and down, this hit and run, this happyness-sadness status. This for-a-week(end)-we're-together-24/7-then-we'll-say-goodbye-and-see-you-in-6/7-weeks. It's really frustrating.

    It's that physical needing and missing, and I dont talk about sex. I talk about feeling his warm embrace, I talk about those silent moments which turn to be so uncomfortable in chat but perfect when we're together. I talk about looking at him while he does his routine stuff like if I was looking at some artist doing a beautiful portrait. I talk about those little things that complete me and make everything so nice when we're together, and everything so empty when we're not.
    And Im here hating myself for crying, for missing him so much, for feeling down and discouraged.

    But the point is.. I may not complain about it, I mean, we see each other "often", everything's going great, but.. Im sad. Im sad this will last for AT LEAST another year and half. Only then I'll be done with school. School is the only reason that keeps me away from taking a one way ticket to him.
    Crazy thoughts have come to my mind, like leaving school, like leaving everything behind me and start a new life there with him. But first, I think he'll never allow me to do so. He wants for me to study more than I do, more than most people do. And then, I know deep inside that it'll be "only" another year and I'll be done. And that I need a degree.
    But.. I just hate it. I could write thousands of this post and all the words still wouldnt describe how I feel.

    The thing I hate the most is that I have no choice. I always did what I felt like doing, without anything to stop me, but now I have this giant wall between me and what I love/would love to do. And everytime I stand it less.
    And standing it less makes me feel bad about my relationship. Im afraid it is going to cause me more stress and sadness than happyness and joy. Im afraid he wont be able to wait for me anymore. This is something I feel as well. That he is waiting for me. For me to do what I have to do. And this puts a bit of pressure on me. And even if I know it may help, sometimes I dont really feel like talking about it with him.

    Sometimes Im afraid it will all end because of something that we cant do anything about. This relationship is the best thing I have and the best thing I've ever had. Im putting all my efforts, my patience, my tears, my strength, but these days just feel awful.

    #2
    Everyone makes sacrifices and yours is school. You need to finish school, you'll regret it later on if you quit school. If it's meant to be, you will last the distance and finish school. You're not alone so many members here feel that pain of being apart from their SO. Just think of how lucky you are to see your SO often. Many people here would love to have seen their SO that often, So look on the bright side. As hard as it is you need to focus on other things. Dwelling on missing him only makes time go slower. Make him something, see friends, throw yourself into your studies it'll help the time pass. Plan another visit even. Just remember when you feel down, there's always someone out there who as it worse. Some Members haven't even met their SO yet. So try look at things from a positive light, it's hard but you'll get there.

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      #3
      Whatever you do, finish school. Over the course of your lifetime, a year and a half is nothing, it'll pass before you know it. Once school is out of the way, you're free, but without finishing your education, you'll put way too many limits on yourself. You'll be OK, just stay strong and focused on your goals.
      Our separation of each other is an optical illusion of consciousness. ~Albert Einstein

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        #4
        You DO have a choice. You are choosing to do it because you love him, and you don't want to loose that love. You are choosing to do school because you care about what your future will look like. He will hardly resent you for finishing your school. It is good for your common future that you have the school done.
        I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
        - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



        "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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          #5
          You're just in pain right now. I'm by no means an expert on the subject and I definitely know exactly what you're feeling. As suggested, indulge yourself in something that will not necessarily take your mind off missing him, but something occupy your time and mind as well. I think it's a perfectly natural thing to feel your feelings as you are. You know, the missing him and etc. I know that you're in-love with him and you miss him horribly. However, you must put yourself and your priorities first. Meaning, finish school. Perhaps inquire about an expedited course load? Don't over exert yourself. This time will pass so soon! In addition to all the wonderful suggestions giving previously, have you done sufficient research in relocating to where your SO is? I'm sure that type of research is lengthy as well as informative. I honestly think you've come to the right place. You can depend on us in your time of need. We've all either been exactly where you are, we are exactly where you are, or will soon know of the beautiful-destruction that you feel when you see him and then so bitterly have to depart.
          My DM is free anytime and I don't mind being a friend in your time of need.
          Take Care Doll and Chin up!

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            #6
            I think every one of us feels that way. Advice I've given before (and I should take myself).....don't think about the 18 months. Start your COUNTDOWN now! It will be here before you know it. Hang in their honey......
            sigpic

            I love him. Forever. And every day after that.

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              #7
              I know it will be at least a year until we can close the distance - he will work a last season while paying off debt, and he will need that time to learn my language. I am happy he doesn't have to do military! As long as there is a goal, you can work towards it.
              I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
              - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



              "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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                #8
                Having just got a whole new perspective on things with my relationship being ended, I do want to say that sometimes love isn't always enough if you are more unhappy than you are happy. I am not saying break up, I am just saying you need to able to deal with the low times of and LDR to then take the good times when they are presented, if you feel lower for longer than you do feel happy, is it enough for you - in the longer term?

                It sounds to me that you are suffering badly with your post visit blues every time, so I'd suggest you try to work out a way to handle this 'better' so you don't feel as bad each time. You are keeping the distance there for all the right reasons, and I would not suggest anyone gives up education where it is available. Only you can work out if you can endure the next 18 months, and there is no shame in walking away from something if you realise that it is not for you... even if it hurts like hell, sometimes it is for the best.

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                  #9
                  I think p_b82 gives some pretty valid information. No one can say otherwise if you feel like you need to take a break away from it all, and take care of yourself. If you continue to feel this constant post-visiting blues, it might be a good idea to take a step back and try and look at how you're dealing (or not) with the stress and pain. Once in a relationship, I was in a constant cycle of pain and heartache, and in the long run it did me no good. Try and see it above the perspective you have right now.

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                    #10
                    Thank you everybody.

                    differentcountries, I always "forget" this is a choice as well. MY choice! I choose to carry this on, to put effort in it, to wait. And I must stand for this choice.

                    p_b82 You're right, when something causes you more pain than anything else you should avoid that thing. But everytime me and my SO are together, is it for a weekend or for 15 days, I always remember the reason why sometimes I feel down, and how is it worth everything. The thought of being together one day, is worth all this pain. And untill I know it is worth it, I'll cry, swallow the pain and then kick my ass trying to feel better.

                    Today I made a list with everything I can do to keep my time busy, not think about how much I miss him, and make time pass quickly. Hanging out with friends more, watching movies, baking, learning languages, drawing, starting yoga and fitness, studying, also doing something new like buying some magazines or reading a book (Im not much of a reader, but I realize how it could be nice and how it would take away some free time).

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                      #11
                      I hope it works for you

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