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    Confused now..

    Hi
    I'm 19, my ex boyfriend is 20. We met at a penpal site, known each other for 2 1/2 years and I broke up with him a month ago due to lack of communication after 14 months of our relationship. At the day I called it off he said that he just hasn't been in the right mind due to some diseases that he's had. I won't tell what the diseases are for his privacy, it is kind of serious but he really doesn't care about it(, maybe because he just can't accept his situation.) After that I sent him some treatments for his disease, he said thank you and hadn't heard from him for a while. And then this month I came to the states, called him, expecting that we could hangout together, but my parents are very negative when it comes to penpals they won't approve of it. My father even doubts his name... So during my visit to the states (which ends at the end of the month,) I won't be able to see him but we still text and sometimes talk on the phone when my parents aren't home. Everything went really cool and I felt kinda comfortable talking to him. Yesterday, while talking on the phone, he told me that he's had two girlfriends in a month since our breakup, and now he's in a relationship with this girl who lives five minutes away from where he works. Of course I was shocked I mean honestly I still have feelings for him. They both met at his store 'cause she always goes there. He used to go out with her little sister but broke up with her because of her personality and then he started talking to her big sister which would be his current girlfirend and he thought she was cool and they both started dating a few days ago. (Her little sister aka his ex girlfriend doesn't seem to know about it btw.) Anyways, he told me that they both have nothing in common but his gf said that they can work things out and he worried that she only likes him because of his appearance. And the reason why he's worrying about that is because one of his disease is related to his appearance and he's scared that she might walk away once she realizes it.
    We talked and talked and since I just couldn't understand how he could move on so fast after being in an ldr with me for so long so I said "wow 3 girls in a month?" and then he said "well yeah I just turned 20, I'm still young and I wanna use my advantage(his looks) as much as I can before I get old and this disease gets worse"(well not exactly this but i think you guys catch my drift. He usually goes after another girl after a breakup and things don't work out with his new girlfriends so he breaks up with them too. His mind is like that of a teenage boy, I know I know but I still like him anyway..) And then we kept talking till my father came in. A few minutes later he texted me so we kept texting, and then he told me that he misses me as his girlfriend and that I'm very genuine and that I have a good heart. I told him that I miss him as my boyfriend too 'cause that's how I actually felt but then I got confused. If he misses me as his girlfriend, why be with his new girlfriend instead of me? Should I honestly ask him?
    Btw he also said he is still friends with some of his exes,not only me.

    #2
    He is your ex for a reason. Also, you say he acts like he has the mind of a teenage boy, that's because he is a teenage boy. I guess you coild ask him, but would it make a difference? Why not just be there for him as a friend while he's fighting this?
    "We are beings attracted to the essence of hope, and life is the all encompassing hope that everything can change; that everything can be better."

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      #3
      If you want him back, you can always ask him. Do you want him back? Or does he just seem more tempting now that he is with other women?
      I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
      - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



      "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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        #4
        Definitely not the latter one. I want him back

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          #5
          I just can't think of him being with other girls

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            #6
            What do you think of his communication skills?
            I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
            - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



            "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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              #7
              He just hadn't replied to me for a few days because he'd been depressed due to his illness

              Comment


                #8
                He doesn't sound like a careless teenage boy, but like an bitter old man. Be his friend, he obviously need one.
                Last edited by differentcountries; February 4, 2015, 07:55 PM.
                I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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                  #9
                  Do you think thing's will be okay if I stay as his friend while he has a girlfriend that makes me uncomfortable? (Not being sarcastic btw)

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by skgirl View Post
                    Do you think thing's will be okay if I stay as his friend while he has a girlfriend that makes me uncomfortable? (Not being sarcastic btw)
                    It is ok being his friend while you want to be with him. If you think he is worth it, just wait until he gets tired of his current gf (not being sarcastic either). Perhaps you will have better luck as a friend in influencing him to do something about his health.
                    I made love to him only twice, she thought and looked at the man laying asleep beside her. And yet still it is as if we have been together forever, as if he has always known my life, my soul, my body, my light, my pain
                    - Paulo Coelho, "Eleven minutes"



                    "Bız yüzyılın aşkı vardır" - We have dated since Sept. 2013. To see our full story, click here https://members.lovingfromadistance....and-our-visits

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                      #11
                      Okay I see.. Thanks for the help I really appreciate it)

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Erm...why do you want him back? 3 girls in one month? 2 of them being sisters, with the ex not even knowing he's dating her sister? I doubt he'd take your relationship seriously again since he's just going through girls. Seems like he's having his mid-life crisis early and using that as an excuse to use girls.

                        I'd pass on him, if I were you.

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                          #13
                          I'm a bit worried you are trying to be his therapist/caretaker too much. It's admirable that you care about his wellbeing, but if the lack of communication was eventually the reason for the breakup, that's not going to magically get better if he has depression issues. If he needs with coping with his illnesses, he needs to see a professional therapist or counselor. A relationship has to be a give and take, and you are not going to be happy if you don't feel like it's going right, no matter how understandable it is that he's struggling. You are not his therapist.

                          ~
                          It'll take a lot more than words and guns
                          A whole lot more than riches and muscle
                          The hands of the many must join as one
                          And together we'll cross the river

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                            #14
                            I wouldn't suggest getting back with him. It might put you on a really uncomfortable, long, pain-fueled journey that can be avoided. That's just my opinion though.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              sounds like he is an ex for a reason here, and I would suggest you move on, as he obviously has. (or hasn't but feels he has to 'do what he needs to do')

                              Just because he misses you as a GF is not the same as saying he wants to be with you as one.

                              Be there as his friend when he crashes if you can, if not slowly slide out his life if you can't take the pain of seeing him with others.

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