So my boyfriend and I had been together a year and a half, he’s in the UK and I’m in the US. We have spent about 6 months of this together. And it is the first serious relationship for both of us. We broke up about a month ago, the whole situation has left me feeling rather lost.
We started having issues about 6 months ago. He has never dealt with being emotional/vulnerable over the phone or the physical distance very well. He became very stressed about work and school and that translated into our relationship. Our communication broke down and he became very unreliable. After a few weeks of this, he told me that he was no longer “in love” with me. Although he later took this back and realized it would be stupid to break up. I went to visit him a few months ago, and that helped calm things down temporarily. While with him, he finally was able to realize how much his actions had been hurting me. After the visit things became stressed again. He realized that he wanted to go on a break to think about things. Although he gave me the impression that we would be getting back together once it was over.
Obviously, we broke up. He yet again said that he loved me but was no longer “in love” and he was very adamant about it this time. He said that he just wants to be single and not have to worry about anyone else right now. I understand that he wants to be independent, but everything else that he said to me makes no sense if his feelings have truly changed. Our break up was an hour and a half long, and the majority of it was a normal conversation like we used to have. He told me that he loves the time we spend together but doesn’t want a “Skype relationship.” He also said I was the one making the break up sound final, and that he agreed that things didn’t feel completely over with us. He can’t tell me how his feelings have changed, only that they change when we are long distance. I am moving to his country for university in the fall, and he wanted to know definitely if I was coming or not. But he won’t say if we’ll get back together because he doesn’t want to lead me on. We spoke again two days later because I wanted some clarification, and I found out he had spent the day before moping in front of the TV. He was acting like he was the one broken up with. I tried asking him a question a week later and he ignored me completely.
Oh and we had a short phone call right before the break up where he ended it by saying “love you.” When I asked him about it he claims that he said it out of habit. He also gave me kisses at the end of the break up phone call.
To me, all of this points to distance being the actual problem, and yet he denies that it is. And he denies that he is confused about his feelings. But I just wish I had more closure, because I feel like he has put me on hold. I don’t really know how to handle things. I know that I shouldn’t be overthinking our breakup, but that is pretty much impossible with everything that he has said to me. I’ve been considering writing him a letter just so I can have everything written down and he can see it. Would that be a good idea? Should I try to reach out to him later, or should I wait for him to do that?
We started having issues about 6 months ago. He has never dealt with being emotional/vulnerable over the phone or the physical distance very well. He became very stressed about work and school and that translated into our relationship. Our communication broke down and he became very unreliable. After a few weeks of this, he told me that he was no longer “in love” with me. Although he later took this back and realized it would be stupid to break up. I went to visit him a few months ago, and that helped calm things down temporarily. While with him, he finally was able to realize how much his actions had been hurting me. After the visit things became stressed again. He realized that he wanted to go on a break to think about things. Although he gave me the impression that we would be getting back together once it was over.
Obviously, we broke up. He yet again said that he loved me but was no longer “in love” and he was very adamant about it this time. He said that he just wants to be single and not have to worry about anyone else right now. I understand that he wants to be independent, but everything else that he said to me makes no sense if his feelings have truly changed. Our break up was an hour and a half long, and the majority of it was a normal conversation like we used to have. He told me that he loves the time we spend together but doesn’t want a “Skype relationship.” He also said I was the one making the break up sound final, and that he agreed that things didn’t feel completely over with us. He can’t tell me how his feelings have changed, only that they change when we are long distance. I am moving to his country for university in the fall, and he wanted to know definitely if I was coming or not. But he won’t say if we’ll get back together because he doesn’t want to lead me on. We spoke again two days later because I wanted some clarification, and I found out he had spent the day before moping in front of the TV. He was acting like he was the one broken up with. I tried asking him a question a week later and he ignored me completely.
Oh and we had a short phone call right before the break up where he ended it by saying “love you.” When I asked him about it he claims that he said it out of habit. He also gave me kisses at the end of the break up phone call.
To me, all of this points to distance being the actual problem, and yet he denies that it is. And he denies that he is confused about his feelings. But I just wish I had more closure, because I feel like he has put me on hold. I don’t really know how to handle things. I know that I shouldn’t be overthinking our breakup, but that is pretty much impossible with everything that he has said to me. I’ve been considering writing him a letter just so I can have everything written down and he can see it. Would that be a good idea? Should I try to reach out to him later, or should I wait for him to do that?
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