I am scared because of money

[Britanica]

While your points are valid, I just want to point out that someone who suffers from serious anxiety issues will find it a lot harder to adjust in a new country and away from a strong support system. She points out in her original posts that her anxiety is a factor in living with her parents so it stands to reason that her anxiety issue is not a mild one. If her SO understands and accepts the reasons she wishes to remain in the US then resentment doesn't necessarily has to be a factor here. They just need to meet first, then work out a plan of action later.

I'm sure the OP will explain her case further as she knows her situation best .

Just my 2 cents...

Thank you for this. Not many people understand anxiety. I mean it is hard for me just to be in a car. I get hypersensitivity. And yes, he understands. And he actually came and didn't want to leave. He loved it here and my family loves him. He does truly want to move here. I wasn't sure before but he said it himself.

[Britanica]

Anxiety issues are definitely a big deal, and not one you have to be ashamed for, OP. However, it doesn't have to be something that renders you totally unable to even consider the move to your SO. Are you currently seeing professional help? If yes, working towards at least visiting your SO and managing the travel anxiety is definitely possible. Even without professional help, there are coping mechanisms and methods you can employ. It's up to you, but speaking as someone who struggles with anxiety a lot herself, I found it very empowering to work towards managing my travel issues and being able to make the visit to the US. You are more capable than you might think, and having a goal to go towards can be a fantastic motivator. As said, it's your decision, but showing your interest and effort to your SO as well as yourself is fantastic, and something worth considering. Plus, after you've visited, you still don't HAVE to move there, but it's much easier to consider when you've seen things in person. Don't give up on yourself without even contemplating it!

Thanks, and I get what you are saying. I have come a long way with it. My mother has panic issues, my oldest brother, my younger cousin. I mean it is something that is in my family. Not sure why this happens but I wouldn't wish this stuff on anyone. I am keeping it under control to a point but I do need to find someone to talk to because it has become a cycle. My SO gets thats. His mother had anxiety issues as well. I think that is why he is so understanding. I always tell him I don't want him to feel like this is one sided or that I am taking advantage and he always says not to be silly. lol

[Britanica]

People are being way to harsh regarding your anxiety. I have severe anxiety and panic attacks so bad, I've ended up in the ER numerous times. I can't drive outside of my town without having my hands lock up in weird positions, tongue and jaw going numb and having severe chest pains. I just can't do it. When I visited my boyfriend, I was convinced I was going to die in a plane crash either due to turbulance, mechanical issues or the pilot being suicidal and taking us all down with him lol. I sat there and bawled my eyes out while I had to control my breathing so I didn't hyperventilate. Not sure if I would travel via plane again even if I had the funds to visit. It's so stressful :-\

I understand the money issues too. I'm a single mom of one child, 2 cats, and a new puppy. I make OK money, but make too much to qualify for low income housing, I don't get PTO or vacation time, and to top it off, found out my car has a failing head gasket. I can't just take a week off, I'd lose half a paycheck. There's also other things I have to factor in...

Hope things can work out for you guys. Sorry I don't think I provided much help. I can only say I understand.

Thank you for being understanding. It means a lot. So many people think it isn't a "big deal" so to speak to have anxiety problems. Mine don't even really have triggers. I know some attacks do but there are quite a few where I was laughing and having a good time then they would hit. It sucks. I hope things work out for you.

[Britanica]

To everyone else :

Thanks for all your replies. Moving here is not an issue anymore. He actually WANTS to. He loves it here. As for his qualifications, if we do it right, he can get a green card and make a lot more here than he does over there. He is a smart man. BUT he will be doing work and getting stable before moving here (online with his own business) so money wont be an issue if we do this right.

Yes, my anxiety has more power over me than it should. I will admit that. I am sorry some of you feel this is one sided and I am sorry it came off that way, but if for a second he felt it was, I would do anything in my power to fix it. I am not a selfish person and I don't like people thinking or feeling I am taking advantage of them. I haven't been on here long at all so you all don't know me to well.

I appreciate all the feedback though, good and bad. It is all helpful.

[Miasmata]

Like I said, anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of. You don't have to apologize for it. What's important is that you don't let it rule your life unopposed - Use coping mechanisms, rationalize it, don't give up on things you want just because of the anxiety. It's a part of you, but it's not completely you. Take good care of yourself, and don't be afraid to get the help you need.

I'm rooting for you to figure things out, and find a smart plan for you both to come together!

[Britanica]

Like I said, anxiety is nothing to be ashamed of. You don't have to apologize for it. What's important is that you don't let it rule your life unopposed - Use coping mechanisms, rationalize it, don't give up on things you want just because of the anxiety. It's a part of you, but it's not completely you. Take good care of yourself, and don't be afraid to get the help you need.

I'm rooting for you to figure things out, and find a smart plan for you both to come together!

Thank you, that means a lot.

[JaimeeNicole]

Hello, I'm Jaimee - ex shop-a-holic.
I know the broke feeling and I know how helpless and lost it can make you feel when you're trying to make this distance work.

But whatever the struggle, you'll get through together. I struggled a lot with money and spending and he didn't. He taught me how to budget and save money, and eventually I realized it's easy and worth it if it meant we'd get to be together. He's helped me financially (because we're living together now we've joined our finances)

I've since paid off my mastercard completely and half my school loan paid off.

You can do this and he'll be there to support you. It's all worth it!
I run a blog that also has a lot of budgeting/long distance relationship tips if you'd like,
PM me if you want to chat more <3

[Kapwned]

You can live in the UK without being a citizen. You just need permanent residency via a visa. It sounds like you need to weigh out some things. Money can indeed be a killer of relationships. If he tries to move to you via marriage visa it sounds like it's going to take you much longer to be together because if you get married you still need to make enough money to financially support the two of you and it seems like you can't at the moment. And how dedicated and passionate is he about his job? How would he feel if he moved over to the US and couldn't find an equally or better paying job? What about his friends and family? How would he feel being separated from them? Will he like it where you live?

Personally I think the I don't do planes excuse is not a good excuse to not be together. It's a brief fear you have to face to live with the love of your life. The family thing... eh, I understand family is very important to a lot of people but I'm also a big supporter of spreading your wings and learning to live independently from them. You're not abandoning them and I'm sure your parents would be proud of you. Parents raise us to spread our wings. I am in my later 20s and I will be moving away from my family for the first time this summer. States away. So I know how freaky the idea of living apart from them can be. But I feel it'll be a good experience. I'm sure my mom will text me and email me every day and I will be able to learn to live without considering my family which is okay.

I really do think considering going over there is a good option for you. He could be your future. Living in another country can be a rewarding experience. If you don't go for citizenship you can very easily move back home and he can work on getting a visa.

[differentcountries]

Can he move to you because of work? That way you could avoid having to prove you can support him, which will be hard if you are on benifits. You would also be sure your family economy would work, which is more important to the relationship than you might think.

As someone who has experience with fear and phobia, "practice" for the sake of doing something special can go both ways. I would not reccomend doing it for moving. Sure, she can start to practice now and one day feel at least more comfortable. But when you practice to "do no normal ", it works better with no extra preassure.

[whatruckus]

To everyone else :

Thanks for all your replies. Moving here is not an issue anymore. He actually WANTS to. He loves it here. As for his qualifications, if we do it right, he can get a green card and make a lot more here than he does over there. He is a smart man. BUT he will be doing work and getting stable before moving here (online with his own business) so money wont be an issue if we do this right.

Yes, my anxiety has more power over me than it should. I will admit that. I am sorry some of you feel this is one sided and I am sorry it came off that way, but if for a second he felt it was, I would do anything in my power to fix it. I am not a selfish person and I don't like people thinking or feeling I am taking advantage of them. I haven't been on here long at all so you all don't know me to well.

I appreciate all the feedback though, good and bad. It is all helpful.

Yes, I agree that it shouldn't take over your life. Baby steps, that's all you can do. I'm glad that you guys have come up with a way that will work for him to come over here. But, as you said, just make sure everything is in line. Good Luck!!!

[Britanica]

He was here twice since I last posted. Just left today actually. It has been rough on me. We were both crying before he had to leave. Thanks everyone for your support. I won't see him now till November but we have a plan in mind that I am hoping works out for us via a work visa and transfer here.