How to save relationship

[KB123]

First time poster, sorry if I do anything wrong. I'm in desperate need of help, so I may have to tell the whole story. Again, sorry if it's a bit long.

I met my current girlfriend in late November on social networking site Twitter. There was no specific reason we followed each other, we just had similar accounts with the same interests. The first day we followed each other she seemed upset, so I spoke to her and it just happened from there. Many say it, but we really did fall madly in love. I cherished every day I spoke to her, and she would be the first and last person I spoke to everyday. We met for the first time in February. I made the trip from near-London to Manchester, and it was absolutely perfect. (For background information, I just turned 18, she's 17). The last day we had was one of the best but worst days of my life. I love her unconditionally, but leaving was horrible for both of us. We felt like utter crap for a while, and it became really tough not having each other. Three weeks later, we're supposedly halfway to our next trip - for double the time in early April. However, she decided she needed a few days 'to be alone' and 'have a break'. I knew this would be bad news, as recently she seemed to miss each other even more than normal. Generally she isn't an emotional person, but this has left her crying all the time. I wish I could help and be there for her so much, but now she doesn't think she can do it anymore. After a few days to think, she's said she can't go through the struggle anymore because it's 'ruining her'. We've spent the last three days trying to work things out, and I'm willing to do absolutely anything that is feasible to work this out. We could be together from August so we just need to get through the next few months. I've tried to tell her we can do anything to make it work, but it's left her so emotional she feels she can't. I'm not sure how she is feeling right now as she says she still loves me, but can't do it anymore. And I'd fight so much for it. Does anyone have any advice on how to get her to consider the possibilities, I've tried telling her everything I can think of without success. I really can't imagine life without this girl now. Thank you!

[Unconditional]

I'm sorry for the reply I am about to make, but perhaps she is just not cut out for and LDR I mean, they are insanely hard. Then again, I do not know her or you.
One thing I guess I could suggest is maybe talk about the visit with her? Like all the planning you both are doing and whatnot, thinking about that usually puts me in a good mood.

[p_b82]

Tough one - some people do just need the contact to be there every-day to make things work for them, and if it is missing it destroys them.

My suggestion would be to try and ask her to explain to you, why those things are hard for her - but take the perspective of trying to understand, not because you are trying to save the relationship.

you may find here that there are a lot of underlying issues that are causing this - and you might just be the right person, in the wrong place!

Ultimately though, if she doesn't want to do this, then you are going to have to leg go, there is only so much you can 'do' in this situation when the other makes up their mind.

I recently went through a break up in similar circumstances to this, so I know what you are feeling.... if you are able to remain at a distance, but stay friends, you *may* be able to work through it once the pressure is off a bit to 'save it' but it is a faint chance, it is very very risky emotionally, and if she doesn't change her mind, it will drag out your healing process longer. It is not something I recommend, but if you both are willing to try it, and slow things down again, it *might* be worth it.... but you both have to be willing to work on things. If she isn't then you are just going to have to move on I am afraid

[R&R]

The others have given very good advice. Not everyone can do a LDR. It doesn't mean that there is something wrong with you or her - it's just that it's not the type of relationship she wants to be in.

I would say for now, you have to respect her decision. I know it's not easy but if you really love her, than you need to respect what she had decided. She is miserable and has told you so. She is emotional, crying and unhappy. Is this how you want her to be so you can save this relationship? Let her go. If in August you two will be in the same place again, maybe you can try again. But my suggestion is it's time to let her have her space to get herself back on track mentally and emotionally.

[whatruckus]

First time poster, sorry if I do anything wrong. I'm in desperate need of help, so I may have to tell the whole story. Again, sorry if it's a bit long.

I met my current girlfriend in late November on social networking site Twitter. There was no specific reason we followed each other, we just had similar accounts with the same interests. The first day we followed each other she seemed upset, so I spoke to her and it just happened from there. Many say it, but we really did fall madly in love. I cherished every day I spoke to her, and she would be the first and last person I spoke to everyday. We met for the first time in February. I made the trip from near-London to Manchester, and it was absolutely perfect. (For background information, I just turned 18, she's 17). The last day we had was one of the best but worst days of my life. I love her unconditionally, but leaving was horrible for both of us. We felt like utter crap for a while, and it became really tough not having each other. Three weeks later, we're supposedly halfway to our next trip - for double the time in early April. However, she decided she needed a few days 'to be alone' and 'have a break'. I knew this would be bad news, as recently she seemed to miss each other even more than normal. Generally she isn't an emotional person, but this has left her crying all the time. I wish I could help and be there for her so much, but now she doesn't think she can do it anymore. After a few days to think, she's said she can't go through the struggle anymore because it's 'ruining her'. We've spent the last three days trying to work things out, and I'm willing to do absolutely anything that is feasible to work this out. We could be together from August so we just need to get through the next few months. I've tried to tell her we can do anything to make it work, but it's left her so emotional she feels she can't. I'm not sure how she is feeling right now as she says she still loves me, but can't do it anymore. And I'd fight so much for it. Does anyone have any advice on how to get her to consider the possibilities, I've tried telling her everything I can think of without success. I really can't imagine life without this girl now. Thank you!

To me, while I agree with everyone else has said that LDR's aren't cut out for everyone, I feel like maybe she's has the "post-visit blues" (as we call it) pretty bad.

A lot of us on here get like that after we visit our SO's, especially the ones who have just visited for the first time. It does get easier after you visit more often, but it still doesn't take away the fact that it's going to suck for a bit after the visit. I think maybe you should let her know this, that it happens to all of us and she is not alone. Maybe even suggest the site to her?

How can you enjoy the sunshine, if all you're looking at is the clouds in the sky? You know what I mean? I wish you guys luck, and I do hope she reconsiders. But, as everyone else has said, maybe this type of relationship is not right for her.

[differentcountries]

Her only option is to start to do things differently. Either she is out and that is the end it your relationship, or she finds ways to calm the post-visit blues, plan for the next visit, enjoy Skype and feel grateful to have have the amazing person (you). She is 17 and the whole thing may be very overwealming for her with all other changes and changes to come. It is great that you are able to meet, not all teenagers can. Utter crap is what many of us feel after a visit. My SO leaves me in less than 3 days and I have already started to feel bad things in relation to that. But what can I do? I love him, this is the way we can be together for now. Do you Skype at all? How do you guys usually keep in touch?

[KB123]

Thanks to everyone for the replies, much appreciatded.

Her only option is to start to do things differently. Either she is out and that is the end it your relationship, or she finds ways to calm the post-visit blues, plan for the next visit, enjoy Skype and feel grateful to have have the amazing person (you). She is 17 and the whole thing may be very overwealming for her with all other changes and changes to come. It is great that you are able to meet, not all teenagers can. Utter crap is what many of us feel after a visit. My SO leaves me in less than 3 days and I have already started to feel bad things in relation to that. But what can I do? I love him, this is the way we can be together for now. Do you Skype at all? How do you guys usually keep in touch?

I really hope it is the post-visit blues, as even the idea of feeling it again after the next trip has got to her quite alot. We usually text or WhatsApp, but occassionally call each other. We've both meant to get Skype but haven't really got round to it, but we use Snapchat alot so we will get to see eachother alot.

[Honour]

I can see how things might be difficult for her. Even though 203 miles isn't that far by some standards, it is by no means any better than other people's situations. My dad used to tell me how things at long distance never worked out, though I didn't entirely believe him (me and my SO, and everyone else in our similar situation are proof he's wrong xD) but there are people unable to cope, especially if this is the first time they've ever done something like this before. You've only been in a relationship for the same sort of time period as I have with my SO, though the commute between Manchester and London (whilst doable) is awkward at your age, OP. I think she's having a real hard time adjusting. Give her the time and show her the love she needs, keep up what you're doing, and see how things go. Hopefully she will adjust.

[differentcountries]

I really hope it is the post-visit blues, as even the idea of feeling it again after the next trip has got to her quite alot. We usually text or WhatsApp, but occassionally call each other. We've both meant to get Skype but haven't really got round to it, but we use Snapchat alot so we will get to see eachother alot.

I will really reccomend both calling, if only for 5 minutes, and Skyping. It makes so much of a difference to hear each other's voice and see each other's face. If time difference makes it difficult to Call and skype often you could also try different app or mail systems to send each other videos, if you are not already doing that. Snapchat is too fast for some of the things that calls, skype and video can do.

In my experience, the post-visit blues gets easier, especially if the visits are the same ammount of time. You have done it before, you establish a routine.

[KB123]

Just an update for anyone interested, she decided she 'couldn't do this without me and has never realised how important I was to her'. So we're all good (for now) and hopefully things will get better. Thank you all for your advice!!

[Honour]

Just an update for anyone interested, she decided she 'couldn't do this without me and has never realised how important I was to her'. So we're all good (for now) and hopefully things will get better. Thank you all for your advice!!

Yay!