Parents......advice needed....

[R&R]

But even with all those issues with your ex, it doesn't excuse Fred's behavior. He is an adult, and even you said it, he acts very childish. Regardless of your ex's behavior, I'd be more concerned with Fred's reactions to his interactions with the kids. Adult figure in the house or not, the kids are going to lose respect for him very quickly if his responses are those of a young teenager instead of a mature adult.

[TaraMarie]

But even with all those issues with your ex, it doesn't excuse Fred's behavior. He is an adult, and even you said it, he acts very childish. Regardless of your ex's behavior, I'd be more concerned with Fred's reactions to his interactions with the kids. Adult figure in the house or not, the kids are going to lose respect for him very quickly if his responses are those of a young teenager instead of a mature adult.

Agreed!

[Moon]

Again, all you're doing is blaming your ex, when he isn't the problem here, your boyfriend is. IMO, your kids are too old to have a new daddy foisted on them, that works for the younger sect, but not for teens / almost teens. If you're lucky, he'll end up being a positive male role model, and friend they know they can depend on. You're calling him a parent and legal guardian before you even know how well your new family will blend. You said you went to family therapy and the therapist told your ex to man up, but what did the therapist tell your boyfriend? He wasn't there, I assume, and that's who needs to be in therapy with you and your kids right now, not your ex, he knows how to get along with his children, regardless if you agree with his methods or not. I apologize for being offensive, but I think you've looked at this situation through rose colored glasses, instead of realistically, and now you're surprised it isn't happening the way you fantasized it. You're going to get a lot more of it, so you need to formulate how you're going to deal with it and work through it so everybody can live with it.

[aniay]

I totaly second what Moon said, you can't just swipe it under the carpet and think everything will be ok.
Ask yourself why his behaviour bothered you in the first place

What would happen if you took your children's side? Whould your SO even listen to you if you aksed him to not behave that way?
It looks to me like you are afraid to set your own rules for your SO, it's easier to set the rules for kids, isn't it?

Also you divorced your ex because he wasn't treating your kids the way you think is apropriate, and right now it seems to me the same thing is happening with your SO, but being the begining of relationship you still make ecscuses for him.

My idea, take a step back, and imagine it's your ex (or a different family) behaving like that, what would you tell them?