Thank you for reading. It’s going to be long!
I have previously posted about my ex gf, who I was in a LDR with; eventually we broke up due to religion. She believed her faith didn’t allow us to be together. That was in mid march.
I was obviously very upset and hurt because I didn’t see it coming, I’d just come back from a trip to see her, things were finally looking stronger, we were talking about short term closing the distance etc. and then she breaks up with me.
I started ignoring her for a few days and after lots of begging messages she sent I replied. I was pleasantly surprised that after a 3 hour phone call I felt nothing for her. I knew that from the bottom of my heart I had given her my everything and in the end if she believes it is religiously wrong for two girls to be, then I can’t compete with that.
That night she text me saying “I know this is so soon but why don’t I come to London?” she’s American. At the time I never thought it would happen and just played a long and was like “yea sure sounds good” next thing I know her tickets are booked and she came here on the 24th April. Between the time of booking tickets and her arriving, I was so angry, hot and cold because I suppose I felt like this girl doesn’t care about me, breaks up with me on a whim and now here I am playing host. Anyways, she came.
We had a great time, lots of sightseeing, we went to Barcelona for 4 days – got lost in the old city, ate tapas all night, bar hopped, saw all the beautiful architecture, walked around 30 miles, saw everything, it was the best trip but also it was the best that even though we both enjoyed each others company and it truly is the most comforting feeling hanging out with someone you have such a strong connection with, it was also awesome that whilst in each others presence, neither one of us wanted a relationship.
I could look at her and no longer have that desire to be with her – I loved her and probably wouldn’t have treated her much different if we were together eg, we never have split a check, buying each other drinks, when she booked some sightseeing tours she did for us both, same for me when I booked a flamenco show etc
On the day she left, she was very sad. The most sad I’ve ever seen her, en route to the airport I decided to turn off in to this small town that has a high jewish population, to look for a deli or something so she could have a sandwich. But the car in front of us hit a lamppost, flipped on to the side and people were trapped. I ended up having to lift a 3 year old out of the car, it was crazy. Her being a doc and me being the one yelling at people what to do – somehow brought us closer. Afterwards we stopped for coffee and she was just so upset, crying so much. She asked to leave the coffee shop and sit in my car because she didn’t want to be upset in public. She was so sad at leaving me
After she left its like she friendzoned me so quick, which of course made me feel used, like I was just a fun ticket to London. Deep down I knew that can’t be true, she is very wealthy and didn’t need my small home to live in for 2 weeks, a hotel probably would have been more comfortable.
We have a talked a lot the past week about how I feel etc, I explained that in March she would have been ecstatic if I said she can have me (as a close friend) and have no commitments or nothing preventing her from moving on. I suppose I asked for a buffer period to help me with this transition I suppose.
About 4 days ago she told me something, when she was 12 she was bullied at school. It resulted in cyber bullying and her ending up trying to take her own life. We discussed it briefly and it seems that all the times I said she was unemotional, cold, questioned if she had any feelings could have been because of this. Because she is so fearful of being hurt, as an adult this is how she’s become. I was annoyed that she didn’t want to share something like this with me over the past 2 years because it would have made me understand things a lot better. She says she was embarrassed, she’s this tall beautiful successful med student and that’s what she wanted me to see. Not a weak person capable of being bullied.
Back to us – she decided or agreed that she cares for me and is lucky that I didn’t cut her off in March, she’s I suppose realised what I am to her because she told me I’m closer to her and more unconditionally there than her friends she’s known since she was a kid. So she’s willing to help me. And I will be honest and say I am not using her comfort as a way to get back with her. She’s such a strong part of my life that without her its like my energy is focussed on that. Having her be there will allow me to focus on moving forward – great.
Last night I found out she’s been on antidepressants for the past 18 months. Apparently she had a break of a year or two but had been on them in college. But I know 6 months in to our relationship she went back on them. She takes Benadryl to help her sleep every night and that bothers me which she knows. But to hear she’s on anti depressants for so long beyond bothers me. I’m also hurt that she never discussed it with me.
I’ve shared my deepest darkest secrets with her, she knows everything about me, why didn’t she tell me.
It’s made me feel like I don’t know her and that she only let me see what she wanted me to see. I’ve woken up feeling like I’m at crossroads, on one hand, I love her so much I want to be there for her, I know for a fact I’m the only one outside of her family that she’s told either of these big things to. I feel like I’m on the verge of peeling some layers and helping and wanting to get to the root of the problem. I’m a big believer in love and support is the best medicine.
But the other part of me feels as if you hid all this for way too long, now that you’re not trying to impress me, you’re willing to share stuff. But why wasn’t I allowed to know the full story? I get it was her secret to share but we spoke all day every day.
Also if I’d known these things about her, it would have helped me a lot to understand our relationship and not question myself and my worth so many times.
What do I do???
I have previously posted about my ex gf, who I was in a LDR with; eventually we broke up due to religion. She believed her faith didn’t allow us to be together. That was in mid march.
I was obviously very upset and hurt because I didn’t see it coming, I’d just come back from a trip to see her, things were finally looking stronger, we were talking about short term closing the distance etc. and then she breaks up with me.
I started ignoring her for a few days and after lots of begging messages she sent I replied. I was pleasantly surprised that after a 3 hour phone call I felt nothing for her. I knew that from the bottom of my heart I had given her my everything and in the end if she believes it is religiously wrong for two girls to be, then I can’t compete with that.
That night she text me saying “I know this is so soon but why don’t I come to London?” she’s American. At the time I never thought it would happen and just played a long and was like “yea sure sounds good” next thing I know her tickets are booked and she came here on the 24th April. Between the time of booking tickets and her arriving, I was so angry, hot and cold because I suppose I felt like this girl doesn’t care about me, breaks up with me on a whim and now here I am playing host. Anyways, she came.
We had a great time, lots of sightseeing, we went to Barcelona for 4 days – got lost in the old city, ate tapas all night, bar hopped, saw all the beautiful architecture, walked around 30 miles, saw everything, it was the best trip but also it was the best that even though we both enjoyed each others company and it truly is the most comforting feeling hanging out with someone you have such a strong connection with, it was also awesome that whilst in each others presence, neither one of us wanted a relationship.
I could look at her and no longer have that desire to be with her – I loved her and probably wouldn’t have treated her much different if we were together eg, we never have split a check, buying each other drinks, when she booked some sightseeing tours she did for us both, same for me when I booked a flamenco show etc
On the day she left, she was very sad. The most sad I’ve ever seen her, en route to the airport I decided to turn off in to this small town that has a high jewish population, to look for a deli or something so she could have a sandwich. But the car in front of us hit a lamppost, flipped on to the side and people were trapped. I ended up having to lift a 3 year old out of the car, it was crazy. Her being a doc and me being the one yelling at people what to do – somehow brought us closer. Afterwards we stopped for coffee and she was just so upset, crying so much. She asked to leave the coffee shop and sit in my car because she didn’t want to be upset in public. She was so sad at leaving me
After she left its like she friendzoned me so quick, which of course made me feel used, like I was just a fun ticket to London. Deep down I knew that can’t be true, she is very wealthy and didn’t need my small home to live in for 2 weeks, a hotel probably would have been more comfortable.
We have a talked a lot the past week about how I feel etc, I explained that in March she would have been ecstatic if I said she can have me (as a close friend) and have no commitments or nothing preventing her from moving on. I suppose I asked for a buffer period to help me with this transition I suppose.
About 4 days ago she told me something, when she was 12 she was bullied at school. It resulted in cyber bullying and her ending up trying to take her own life. We discussed it briefly and it seems that all the times I said she was unemotional, cold, questioned if she had any feelings could have been because of this. Because she is so fearful of being hurt, as an adult this is how she’s become. I was annoyed that she didn’t want to share something like this with me over the past 2 years because it would have made me understand things a lot better. She says she was embarrassed, she’s this tall beautiful successful med student and that’s what she wanted me to see. Not a weak person capable of being bullied.
Back to us – she decided or agreed that she cares for me and is lucky that I didn’t cut her off in March, she’s I suppose realised what I am to her because she told me I’m closer to her and more unconditionally there than her friends she’s known since she was a kid. So she’s willing to help me. And I will be honest and say I am not using her comfort as a way to get back with her. She’s such a strong part of my life that without her its like my energy is focussed on that. Having her be there will allow me to focus on moving forward – great.
Last night I found out she’s been on antidepressants for the past 18 months. Apparently she had a break of a year or two but had been on them in college. But I know 6 months in to our relationship she went back on them. She takes Benadryl to help her sleep every night and that bothers me which she knows. But to hear she’s on anti depressants for so long beyond bothers me. I’m also hurt that she never discussed it with me.
I’ve shared my deepest darkest secrets with her, she knows everything about me, why didn’t she tell me.
It’s made me feel like I don’t know her and that she only let me see what she wanted me to see. I’ve woken up feeling like I’m at crossroads, on one hand, I love her so much I want to be there for her, I know for a fact I’m the only one outside of her family that she’s told either of these big things to. I feel like I’m on the verge of peeling some layers and helping and wanting to get to the root of the problem. I’m a big believer in love and support is the best medicine.
But the other part of me feels as if you hid all this for way too long, now that you’re not trying to impress me, you’re willing to share stuff. But why wasn’t I allowed to know the full story? I get it was her secret to share but we spoke all day every day.
Also if I’d known these things about her, it would have helped me a lot to understand our relationship and not question myself and my worth so many times.
What do I do???
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