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**1991md** · May 13, 2015, 07:55 PM

I understand the living at home thing, but you are old enough to do what you want.

Has your mom ever been supportive? To be honest, my whole family except my nosey sister knew about my penpal. My mom actually encouraged me to think of her as more than a friend. (Which was weird).

Then again, I come from a very close family. They are understanding and my parents have a romantic way of meeting themselves (1 time meeting and long distance 6 months)

I am not sure what you can really do other than have your mom talk to your SO? You know - at least she can know him too before you meet. Maybe in a few more days she will understand and be easier to approach about it. You know, she just got the news no she needs to digest it.

Could she go with you and meet him? At least for a day or 2? It's a cultural thing for me, and how my family is but we try to know they families of our SO. If my parents/family approve then it's good. More of the "deciding factor" persay.

Goodluck!

**TheSteelAngel** · May 13, 2015, 08:02 PM

Originally posted by 1991md View Post

I understand the living at home thing, but you are old enough to do what you want.

Has your mom ever been supportive? To be honest, my whole family except my nosey sister knew about my penpal. My mom actually encouraged me to think of her as more than a friend.

Then again, I come from a very close family. They are understanding and my parents have a romantic way of meeting themselves (1 time meeting and long distance 6 months)

I am not sure what you can really do other than have your mom talk to your SO? You know - at least she can know him too before you meet. Maybe in a few more days she will understand and be easier to approach about it. You know, she just got the news no she needs to digest it.

Could she go with you and meet him? At least for a day or 2?

Goodluck!

Thank you and no she never was supportive about this. She blew up at me when she found out I was dating him and never really showed me any support at all. Nothing I do pleases her. She was always like that. Well at least the bright side to this is that she is letting me go, she's just angry that I'm doing it.

**1991md** · May 13, 2015, 08:09 PM

I am sorry to hear she never was supportive for you.

I hope things can work out for you both so you can start a life together.

Just give it some time, you know - let things ease off a little.

Do you have anyone who is supportive and excited for you? Maybe ask them.

**Kapwned** · May 13, 2015, 08:13 PM

I hope you can find a ride

my mom gave me grief over my airport as well. The problem is that I live between two airports. One is a half an hour away and the other is an hour the other direction. If I try to fly out of the one that's a half an hour away it'll just connect me to the one that is an hour away and it'll be about $100+ more. I'd rather pay gas money than do that. So going to the farther one is ultimately cheaper. I assume your predicament is similar.

**Elizabeth123** · May 13, 2015, 08:52 PM

First - happy you are getting to see your SO

I hope you have a great visit!
Next...if you travel you need to have money for emergencies and transport...that's part of being adult
Could your SO pay for cab ride to airport?
I think it's good your mom has asked to speak with him...maybe she will be more supportive after meeting him?!?

**snow** · May 13, 2015, 09:05 PM

You should have talked to your mother first, not because you are not an adult and need permission, but because you need her to give you a ride. What's done is done and now you will have to face the consequences, which either means a) work it out with your mother, apologize for the short notice, make her see that it was a mistake you made and that you are taking full responsibility for it, be an adult about this mistake and own up to it or b) find someone else who can give you a ride.

**TheSteelAngel** · May 13, 2015, 09:12 PM

Originally posted by Kapwned View Post

I hope you can find a ride

my mom gave me grief over my airport as well. The problem is that I live between two airports. One is a half an hour away and the other is an hour the other direction. If I try to fly out of the one that's a half an hour away it'll just connect me to the one that is an hour away and it'll be about $100+ more. I'd rather pay gas money than do that. So going to the farther one is ultimately cheaper. I assume your predicament is similar.

Yeah it pretty much is. I went with the cheapest option available that will meet with the days I have off and with the times that he isn't working. So I did the best I could with that.

Originally posted by Elizabeth123 View Post

First - happy you are getting to see your SO

I hope you have a great visit!
Next...if you travel you need to have money for emergencies and transport...that's part of being adult
Could your SO pay for cab ride to airport?
I think it's good your mom has asked to speak with him...maybe she will be more supportive after meeting him?!?

I don't want to ask him for money. It wouldn't be a great idea because he just bought himself a new car and he told me money was tight for him right now. I hope that after she talks with him she'll feel a little better about this.

**whatruckus** · May 13, 2015, 09:23 PM

Yea, I agree with snow. Tell your mom that you're sorry for the miscommunication and you genuinely thought she was still okay with it (because you did), and do admit that you should've given her a heads up.

I'm sorry for your situation with your mom, and I think your stepdad stayed silent because he didn't want to step on your mom's toes and try to over ride her.

**TheSteelAngel** · May 13, 2015, 09:24 PM

Originally posted by snow View Post

You should have talked to your mother first, not because you are not an adult and need permission, but because you need her to give you a ride. What's done is done and now you will have to face the consequences, which either means a) work it out with your mother, apologize for the short notice, make her see that it was a mistake you made and that you are taking full responsibility for it, be an adult about this mistake and own up to it or b) find someone else who can give you a ride.

Yeah I know. I acknowledge that mistake. I was just so happy about the visit I just wasn't thinking clearly. She already said I could go if I had the money so I thought that was enough, but I guess not. I know better now.

**snow** · May 13, 2015, 09:29 PM

And that is exactly what you should tell her! You were so happy to finally be able to see him that you completely forgot to ask her if she was free to give you a ride! It won't happen again and you will definitely do whatever it takes to make her feel more comfortable with the idea of the trip! Tell her all the things you're planning on doing to ensure this, leaving the address, the phone number, adding them to their skype accounts, calling as soon as you arrive, etc. etc.! Now you have to show initiative!

**TheSteelAngel** · May 13, 2015, 09:45 PM

Originally posted by snow View Post

And that is exactly what you should tell her! You were so happy to finally be able to see him that you completely forgot to ask her if she was free to give you a ride! It won't happen again and you will definitely do whatever it takes to make her feel more comfortable with the idea of the trip! Tell her all the things you're planning on doing to ensure this, leaving the address, the phone number, adding them to their skype accounts, calling as soon as you arrive, etc. etc.! Now you have to show initiative!

I'll apologize to her again once she cools down, but I did promise her I'd call her everyday I was there. I'll give her the address and phone number too. She doesn't have Skype nor does she know what it is, but I plan to let her meet my SO that way. It'll take time but she'll warm up to it soon hopefully.

**Miasmata** · May 14, 2015, 04:11 AM

If she's anything like my SO's mom, who we had this situation with too, it's gonna work out much smoother than you think. You'll have to stand your ground on your choices and reaffirm that you can be trusted with this, but you should also be understanding of her concerns. No parent has an easy time letting go of their children, and the more protective types have it even harder. Give her some time to cool off, and then show that you are firm and clear in your choices, but also responsible and safe. Show her that you care about her and her worries, and stay patient - It's very likely she'll come around. My SO's mom got hit by the letting go-fears something awful even after she had met and adored me - It took patience and a calm approach to settle that, but even then it all worked out, and she's very happy for us now. You can do this!

**Unicorn26** · May 14, 2015, 05:01 AM

I'm 42, an independent mother of 2 and I can tell you that my parents would not be happy about me flying off to meet my SO for the first time. Even though I talk to them all the time about him and they know how close we are, he is still, to them, some bloke on the internet. My situation is different because I have young kids and I have to think about them first but as a parent myself, I see both sides. I think it's a generation thing, they don't understand that people can meet differently these days and even though it's different it's not necessarily wrong. Try and explain to your mum that you need to see him so you can see if you really are compatible and move your relationship forward.

I hope you manage to sort something out re getting to the airport. I'm so excited for you and I hope this visit goes well!

**whatruckus** · May 14, 2015, 08:19 AM

Originally posted by Miasmata View Post

If she's anything like my SO's mom, who we had this situation with too, it's gonna work out much smoother than you think. You'll have to stand your ground on your choices and reaffirm that you can be trusted with this, but you should also be understanding of her concerns. No parent has an easy time letting go of their children, and the more protective types have it even harder. Give her some time to cool off, and then show that you are firm and clear in your choices, but also responsible and safe. Show her that you care about her and her worries, and stay patient - It's very likely she'll come around. My SO's mom got hit by the letting go-fears something awful even after she had met and adored me - It took patience and a calm approach to settle that, but even then it all worked out, and she's very happy for us now. You can do this!

Yep! When I met my SO, I wasn't allowed to go unless I brought my brother and his boyfriend. Though, my SO and I were not dating at the time, and we had only been talking a week. Either way, even if I was dating him, I still would've had to bring them. And, I was 24 then. Lol.

Originally posted by Unicorn26 View Post

I'm 42, an independent mother of 2 and I can tell you that my parents would not be happy about me flying off to meet my SO for the first time. Even though I talk to them all the time about him and they know how close we are, he is still, to them, some bloke on the internet. My situation is different because I have young kids and I have to think about them first but as a parent myself, I see both sides. I think it's a generation thing, they don't understand that people can meet differently these days and even though it's different it's not necessarily wrong. Try and explain to your mum that you need to see him so you can see if you really are compatible and move your relationship forward.

I hope you manage to sort something out re getting to the airport. I'm so excited for you and I hope this visit goes well!

Yes, I think it's a generation thing as well.

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