LDR getting mixed signals

[greenwichguy]

Hello every, thankyou for replys to my posts, just a update from my last post. It all come to head this morning after her phoning me. I've never left my mum's bedside so I thought I send her a text saying I love you & I miss you well the reply I got was I am still here & she said she's got lot on her plate at the moment which hurt me I need my girlfriend more then ever so I didn't text back & this morning received a text sorry it came out all wrong. I text her back & said you don't want to be with me & I would leave you alone, then came the phone call crying shouting I love you why do you keep sending me awful message I don't need it then she said I will ring you before I go to work but no phone call. My question should I leave it up to my girlfriend to get back in contact with me first & waite & see & whàt shall I do I don't want to lose her. I love her with all my heart I've lost my sister on the 9th of june & looks like I am going to lose my mum also I couldn't bear to lose the most important 3 women in my life at the same time than
Time xx

[Mims27]

I understand you are going through a lot of stuff but it looks like she may be also. Her telling you she has a lot of stuff on her plate should NOT hurt you. She was being honest and you should respect that. People deal with stuff differently. Your reply to her is what seemed hurtful. If my SO went me that, I would be pretty hurt. I don't think you would want her to send you a text like that would you? If space is what she needs to deal with whatever she has going then I would say yes, give her space. She seems to love you so she'll contact you. Just remind her you love her and that you are there for her. I'm sure she'll do the same for you. The other stuff, the negativity, will just push her away.

Good luck.

[differentcountries]

Hello every, thankyou for replys to my posts, just a update from my last post. It all come to head this morning after her phoning me. I've never left my mum's bedside so I thought I send her a text saying I love you & I miss you well the reply I got was I am still here & she said she's got lot on her plate at the moment which hurt me I need my girlfriend more then ever so I didn't text back & this morning received a text sorry it came out all wrong. I text her back & said you don't want to be with me & I would leave you alone, then came the phone call crying shouting I love you why do you keep sending me awful message I don't need it then she said I will ring you before I go to work but no phone call. My question should I leave it up to my girlfriend to get back in contact with me first & waite & see & whàt shall I do I don't want to lose her. I love her with all my heart I've lost my sister on the 9th of june & looks like I am going to lose my mum also I couldn't bear to lose the most important 3 women in my life at the same time than
Time xx

You are in acute mourning. And she deals with stuff too. Sometimes life is like that! I understand you have certain expectations of a girlfriend, but she may have expected other things from you, too. Dumping your girlfriend, or threatening to do so, right after your sister dies may come out as if you blame her for your mother's death. If she says she has a lot on her plate, that may be the truth. I have been hurt many times when my SO has no time for me, but I do believe him when he says he doesn't have the time. Part of the pain of LDR (and even in CD life) is that we have to carry some of our burdens alone. Do you have other people to turn to when you feel alone and lost? I would also turn to my family and friends.

You should absolutely NOT leave it to your gf to initiate contact. You threatened to break up with her, when she had done nothing to hurt you. You are clearly very sensitive right now and lashing out in your pain.

Look, sometimes complete honesty does the trick. The anger comes when other people don't see our pain the way we hope they would, but we don't realize that often at the same time we also hide that pain with our anger. Sometimes when I and my boyfriend fight, I tell him: I am hurting. You are hurting. Let's not hurt each other as well.

[greenwichguy]

Thankyou for the advice x by me ready your post it's made me realise how stupid I've been. I think I've been so wrapped up in my own problems I haven't gave a though about how my wonderful girlfriend is doing & coping. but dont know how to make thing better we don't seem to talk a lot now days she's blown hot & cold for sometime now I would just like to know where I stand in the future I think in my mind she's lost of love for me ages ago & it's heartbreaking & she won't let me come & see her she's says I come down to see you ? Every time I say if should be just leave thing she crys & says don't say that but I don't know I stand anymore any advice would be appreciated.

[greenwichguy]

Just a update about me & my girlfriend. I did lose my mum & sister in the matter of a week x I sent my girlfriend love sorry letter so when she woke up she could read it. She didn't say anything about but I could tell she was happy by her text .She text me first thing in the morning, then at work, then phone me, last night. So I sent her a lovely message this morning but no reply back I just don't know what to do any more I am so tired of all these mind game. Is there any advice you all could give I love my girlfriend so much & don't want to lose her. I am mourning for my family members and having this on top is pushing over the edge I can't cope any. Any advice would be appreciated I am sitting on a park bench seeing couple looking so happy & I am feeling so sad I can't stop crying please help me xxx

[differentcountries]

Just a update about me & my girlfriend. I did lose my mum & sister in the matter of a week x I sent my girlfriend love sorry letter so when she woke up she could read it. She didn't say anything about but I could tell she was happy by her text .She text me first thing in the morning, then at work, then phone me, last night. So I sent her a lovely message this morning but no reply back I just don't know what to do any more I am so tired of all these mind game. Is there any advice you all could give I love my girlfriend so much & don't want to lose her. I am mourning for my family members and having this on top is pushing over the edge I can't cope any. Any advice would be appreciated I am sitting on a park bench seeing couple looking so happy & I am feeling so sad I can't stop crying please help me xxx

Then stop the mind games. Don't hurt her. Be kind. Accept that the both of you are sad these days. It can be a strenght for your relationship that you are able to share these things. Happy times will come later and then you will have the safety of knowing that the both of you can be trusted.

Dare to be vounerable with her. Dare to amit you are not perfect. And by all means, in your grief, see if you can still find attention in yourself to ask - and care about - how she is doing. Those things are very important.

[greenwichguy]

I am not the one playing mind games.I am the perfect gentlemen I've been Brought up to respect women. I would never do that to her I love & respect my girlfriend so much. I send my girlfriend lovely text message & if shes ever got a problem I am always the first one there for her because I am madly in love with her. I've booked up new York for her birthday as a surprise. The only person I want in my life is my girlfriend xxx

[Elizabeth123]

Grief is something you need to deal with....get support and take time to heal ...you both need each other and remember to keep talking...
Express your thoughts and feelings...remember to listen to each other
Let her know what you need...ask her what she needs

[greenwichguy]

Thank you so much such good advice x I think about my girlfriend night & day. I couldn't bear to lose my girlfriend that's means I've lost the most important three women in my life. I've had no text from my girlfriend all day so worried xx

[differentcountries]

I am not the one playing mind games.I am the perfect gentlemen I've been Brought up to respect women. I would never do that to her I love & respect my girlfriend so much. I send my girlfriend lovely text message & if shes ever got a problem I am always the first one there for her because I am madly in love with her. I've booked up new York for her birthday as a surprise. The only person I want in my life is my girlfriend xxx

I know it is easy to threaten to break up with someone if you are frustrated - for sure, I have done it myself on occations - but it makes the other persone extremely uncomfortable and unsafe in the situation. It doesn't matter that you otherwise send her lovely texts if you, when angry, act like this. I am sure you don't mean it to come out like that at all,but it did it you have to own it and see that it indeed constitues a mind game if you look at it from her side. She too needs to see that you feel left out when she doesn't contact you. The both of you have to start to talk about your feelings in a real way, instead of shutting each other oout.

[Miasmata]

Additionally, while I totally get you're grieving and need reassurance, you sound pretty needy about it. If you flip between threats and really needy stuff like "I only want you in my life", that is going to repulse her. Now especially, but in general, you need a support network consisting of many techniques and people, not just her. Don't be too dramatic and needy about the relationship. It's too unhealthy for the both of you.

[greenwichguy]

Thank you for your reply. We had a good talk today got a lot of things out in the open I know where I've gone wrong I will put it right, I think the main problem I didn't know where I stood in our relationship but now we have made plans for ímy girlfriend to spend 5 lovely days in London we are going on a date a new beginning & take each day as it comes I felt needy fpĺ or the first time ever since we have been together I think I didn't know which way to turn after loosing 2 close members of my family in one weekĺ. Thank you for all the kind & sound advice xx