I wonder why he's like that :(

[Harienju]

I will explain the situation the most clearly possible because I would like some advice etc... ! I'm not feeling very good these days...

Okay so recently, I had a rough time with my boyfriend. Because I wanted too much of his attention even if I knew he was busy and tired, I made him think he was a bad boyfriend because I got upset when he wasn't giving me enough attention, I acted kinda selfish to be honest. Because of that, we used to fight quite often and one day he told me he's going to lay down. Few hours after he came back and said that he love me and stuff but he think it was better we end the relationship because he was afraid it's going to be a roller coaster all the time. I won't say the details about how I felt because it's obvious. The other day when I came back to check my messages, he said he wanted to talk to me. So he told me that it was really unfair from him to not give me a chance to improve myself etc... so finally, we're still together. Things was all good after... But then I noticed he wasn't talking to me as much as he usually do, he's more distant. His answers are shorter and he become more silent. His writing manners haven't really changed tho, he's not answering rude to me or wtv. He seems just less joyful...
I'm a really anxious person so I tend to make the "worst scenario" thing. He's a short-spoken person by nature and he was often sorry for this. But these days, he's more short-spoken as before. I wonder if it could be because he's stressed lately? He work three jobs, so he's always tired and always telling me how he's tired of work and how sleepy he is. Also he will move in a house soon + have to repair his car so he need to spend a bunch of money for both of those things and he told me this situation is stressful. And other things seems to be a little stressful to him but i'm not here to talk about his entire life, haha >3<.

But yeah... for real i'm freaking out a lot, i'm truly scared he don't love me anymore, that he want to break up and it's for this reason he's quiet like that with me. I even cry at night since a couple of days because I have scary thoughts. He don't know how I feel, I keep this for me because if I show any worries maybe he will think he's a bad boyfriend again. I love him really much and after almost losing him, I really don't want to lose him for real. Plus, I don't know what to do with this situation of stress he's facing... I want to be here for him but I don't know what to do at all, I don't want to be suffocating but neither too distant. I don't want to be one of his burden, it's the last thing I would want to be !

[maybe__someday]

I will explain the situation the most clearly possible because I would like some advice etc... ! I'm not feeling very good these days...

Okay so recently, I had a rough time with my boyfriend. Because I wanted too much of his attention even if I knew he was busy and tired, I made him think he was a bad boyfriend because I got upset when he wasn't giving me enough attention, I acted kinda selfish to be honest. Because of that, we used to fight quite often and one day he told me he's going to lay down. Few hours after he came back and said that he love me and stuff but he think it was better we end the relationship because he was afraid it's going to be a roller coaster all the time. I won't say the details about how I felt because it's obvious. The other day when I came back to check my messages, he said he wanted to talk to me. So he told me that it was really unfair from him to not give me a chance to improve myself etc... so finally, we're still together. Things was all good after... But then I noticed he wasn't talking to me as much as he usually do, he's more distant. His answers are shorter and he become more silent. His writing manners haven't really changed tho, he's not answering rude to me or wtv. He seems just less joyful...
I'm a really anxious person so I tend to make the "worst scenario" thing. He's a short-spoken person by nature and he was often sorry for this. But these days, he's more short-spoken as before. I wonder if it could be because he's stressed lately? He work three jobs, so he's always tired and always telling me how he's tired of work and how sleepy he is. Also he will move in a house soon + have to repair his car so he need to spend a bunch of money for both of those things and he told me this situation is stressful. And other things seems to be a little stressful to him but i'm not here to talk about his entire life, haha >3<.

But yeah... for real i'm freaking out a lot, i'm truly scared he don't love me anymore, that he want to break up and it's for this reason he's quiet like that with me. I even cry at night since a couple of days because I have scary thoughts. He don't know how I feel, I keep this for me because if I show any worries maybe he will think he's a bad boyfriend again. I love him really much and after almost losing him, I really don't want to lose him for real. Plus, I don't know what to do with this situation of stress he's facing... I want to be here for him but I don't know what to do at all, I don't want to be suffocating but neither too distant. I don't want to be one of his burden, it's the last thing I would want to be !

What advice are you looking for, because it seems like you already know the answer to your "concerns": "He work three jobs, so he's always tired and always telling me how he's tired of work and how sleepy he is. Also he will move in a house soon + have to repair his car so he need to spend a bunch of money for both of those things and he told me this situation is stressful." So there's no reason for you to feel as if he doesn't love you. You just expect and want too much from him, by the sounds of it. Give him a break; you can't expect him to drop everything in his life just to give you his full attention every second of the day. Maybe you should go out and be a little more independent, rather than sit around and make yourself believe he doesn't love you based on the fact that you're not getting the attention you desperately, and unrealistically, want from him.

[TheSteelAngel]

My SO is like this too. In fact I think a lot of guys are when they either work full time or are stressed. It used to bother me too, but I had to accept the fact that we can't really talk as much as we used to as long as he has his job. What I usually do is send him a couple of texts everyday when I'm not working saying something like, "Hey babe, I just wanted to tell you to have a great day at work. Please be careful and come home safe. I love you." And that's all it takes. It makes him really happy to see those and sometimes he texts me back just to say thanks and sometimes he doesn't, which is fine by me lol.

Anyway you can tell him how his lack of responses bother you, but also say that you don't expect him to change. Just tell him that you love him at least once a day and wish him well on his jobs. He will respect you for that. Also give him some space but not too much if that makes sense. Good luck!

[Irina_Linn]

I agree with TheSteelAngel.Give him space.And obviously when you have lots of work + you are scared to make wrong move with your girl again,it stresses the hell out of you.So I'd recommend you to be patient,calm and soft with him these days.Do your best and don't ruin what you have

[whatruckus]

What advice are you looking for, because it seems like you already know the answer to your "concerns": "He work three jobs, so he's always tired and always telling me how he's tired of work and how sleepy he is. Also he will move in a house soon + have to repair his car so he need to spend a bunch of money for both of those things and he told me this situation is stressful." So there's no reason for you to feel as if he doesn't love you. You just expect and want too much from him, by the sounds of it. Give him a break; you can't expect him to drop everything in his life just to give you his full attention every second of the day. Maybe you should go out and be a little more independent, rather than sit around and make yourself believe he doesn't love you based on the fact that you're not getting the attention you desperately, and unrealistically, want from him.

^^^ This.

I think you are putting way too much pressure on him to give you attention. You already know he's always tired from work, and he works a lot. Why do you expect him to talk to you so much? If you were in his position, would you honestly want someone asking you all the time to talk, and then getting upset when you don't talk to them? Or have them freak out on you? If he's not a big conversation person to being with, you really can't change this. He can try and improve slightly, but it's never going to be what you want it to be. My SO isn't much of talker when we're not physically together. I always get one-word responses. Also, he works a pretty stressful job, so he's tired when he comes home. Sometimes, yes, I wish he would talk more, but I know it's not going to happen. He tries, and he's gotten better, but there are days he just doesn't want to talk. I used to be a little too needy, but we've had quite a few talks about it, and I've backed off significantly. Now, we see each other's point of view about this. He understands sometimes I wish he would talk more, and I understand sometimes he just wants space. I am also an anxious person and I've come to realize that it's not the end of the world if we're not talking that much. Even when we're physically together we don't talk that much.

You need to back off a little bit and give him his space. He's already expressed that to you. You are too dependent on him to make you happy and give you the attention you crave. Why don't you go out more, make new friends? Find some new hobbies? These are all good ways to break away from needing him all the time.

[Harienju]

I can't deny at all the fact i'm too needy ;~; it's really something I want to work on. And yup I guess I need to give him more space, because I realized if I pull him too close it will do the opposite effect and not help the situation at all :/. I will do my very best to help myself in destroy all my anxious thoughts.

It would indeed be a good idea that I focus more on my hobbies because I kinda neglected them lately so I felt quite bored, maybe that's why I needed his attention as much (x3x).


Thanks for your replies, guys. It made me realize stuff and I'll keep them in mind !