Difficult mother...

[c_denise3]

So, the first time I met my SO's mom was... Awkward. He had warned me in advance that she hasn't approved of any girl he's been involved with since like middle school so I didn't have high expectations going into our meet and greet. Needless to say, it was a quick, "hello, it's nice to meet you," and for the rest of the time her focus was on Jeffrey. She asked me absolutely nothing about myself, didn't involve me in the conversation, only glanced and smiled to I guess assure me that she knew I existed. I forgot the best part... She actually introduced him to another girl right in front of me, and called me, "his friend."

She doesn't like how Jeffrey and I met. She's not supportive of online dating/LDR's. Jeffrey enlisted into the Navy before he and I started dating. His mother told him (I wasn't around for this), "Jeffrey, she seems like a nice girl, but I know how women are with men in the military nowadays. I'm just trying to protect you." She really thinks that I'm with her son because he enlisted in the military. Needless to say, I was highly upset when he told me her "evaluation" of me. He laughed it off because he knows how his mom is and he knows that I love him for him.

I know I'm not "dating his mother" but does anyone have any advice as to how I can get her to see that I love and support her son? I just want her to support our relationship, like me for who I am, and not think I'm a tag chaser.

[R&R]

It's going to take time and consistency. She's going into it with the worst outlook and it's nothing you can instantly change. Focus on your SO and your relationship. Don't let her negativity take over. Eventually she will learn it's the real thing. If she doesn't, then she is the one missing out.

[c_denise3]

Thank you! It's just frustrating. I do focus on him and our relationship, I know it'll take time for her to realize, I just never expected her to have such a negative opinion of me from the first meeting. He said that his family won't FULLY accept our relationship until they see us last through basic. He doesn't leave until the end of January, so we've got a while. I just try to attend as many family gatherings as I can when I visit him, talk with his family, and show them that I truly care about him and he cares for me.

My family absolutely adores him! My mom has her moments but for the most part he fits in wonderful with my family. He actually went on vacation with us last week. It was amazing!

[Miasmata]

My SO's mom wasn't keen on me first either, and found the whole long distance thing to be suspicious. It sucked, but I knew that she'll likely warm up eventually, and despite a few bumps along the way, she did. Now we're on good terms and she's happy her son is happy. Definitely keep things up and have some patience for her, even if it's hard.

[dizzyupthemeg]

Time and patience are definitely key. My parents had a very hard time accepting my SO. They were close to my ex husband, and after that fell apart they just weren't ready for someone new.

So my SO worked on it. He would send Mother's Day flowers. He would ask to talk to them when we were on Skype. He flew in for a lot of holidays so he could feel included. He basically worked at forming a friendship with them both. After a while, my parents came around and they absolutely love him now.

[differentcountries]

SOs mum was mostly OK with me (honestly I think she is happy her son found someone, although I will be able to find out more about her feelings now that I actually speak her language a bit), but one of his best friends (from my country) was so against me and our relatonship that I was having nightmares about it. But honestly, she was just trying to look out for him. She did not know me, or my motives. When I brought him to Norway she almost started to like me, and last time I saw her she actually had NO rude remarks or moods, and appeared happy with everything. Maybe she was happy.

I am not dating his friend, but in a way I am. She acts like his big sister and he treats her like one (he doesn't have any sister since his only sister died two years ago). If he moves to my country, I know we will see a lot of, not only his friend but also his friend's family (they are very social people). If her and I don't get along things will be very difficult. Luckily her mum likes me and is really supportive of the relationship.

My advice? Don't take shit from anybody, but also don't start fights. Be generous when you can. Take pride in it if you answer hostility with kindness. It is a good thing your SO laughs it off, but be sure: you HAVE to win his mum over. Even if he thinks she is silly, she is still his mum. Time will be on your side, whatever things she imagines you will do or not do to her son, time will tell how things really are. It is not easy to wait but you will be so glad you did it. Perhaps try to be extra nice to her, ask your SO what she likes so you can bring it, or talk about it.